One day at a time

Gregory 21

Registrant
Today is the only second day I’ve read some of the posts it blows me away how many of us there are out there I can relate to so many of you and have so many of the same issues I wish I could’ve come out myself with this many years ago I am now 59 already raised two boys turned out to be wonderful men and finally expose the secret to my family and also a couple of good friends I hope this is the starting of the healing process for me because I definitely need some thing I’m going to continue to read everybody’s stories as much as I can and learn from those and understand that it was never my fault any of this happened I was under somebody else’s control thanks for having me
 
You are so very welcome here, with all of us. It was not your fault, and you are not alone.
 
I'm happy you're exploring this website Gregory and that you're finding kindred spirits here. Most of us carried the horror of our past all by ourselves. It is a relief to learn we are not alone with any of it. Yes, keep reading and as you feel inspired join the conversations. It is in telling the truth about what happened to us without shaming ourselves, that we begin to heal. Nothing before, during or after the trauma was you fault, as Darren notes. Here you can tell the truth and it will be received without judgment. That is really an important element of the healing journey we are each on. I wish you well. It is heartening that you've been able to tell family and some friends about what happened. They too can be supportive... but talking with men who know this territory from first hand experience is especially healing. All the best to you as you go forward from here.
 
Welcome and I have so much respect for you. I have been amazed at the power of sharing my shame with other people. It is a cruel reality that people broke us and it takes people to fix us. As I have started to trust and share with people my greatest shames, the shames have lost their power over me. I don't really understand why telling my story to another frees me but it does. I have 4 guys who are like brothers to me. They knew about my CSA but didn't know about the SSA. I finally told each of them that part and they were all incredibly supportive and not at all freaked out about it. I was terrified my entire life about another guy knowing it then find it out was no big deal to them.

So I commend you for opening up. And even if it doesn't feel like it, you have started the healing process. I wish you strength for your journey.
 

Me Not Me

Registrant
Welcome to MS. I am glad that you were able to tell your family and some friends about the abuse. A difficult, yet important, step in the healing process. Always remember that it was not your fault.
 

Gregory 21

Registrant
I also want to say I’m having a little trouble trying to navigate the app and learn how to post correctly I hope I’m doing it right by posting right here
 

Gregory 21

Registrant
I just wanted to say that I have suffered from anxiety as long as I can remember started having panic attacks in my late teens and early 20s didn’t know what they were but always thought I was having a heart attack and soon after I met my wife to be I finally sought some treatment it wasn’t for very long I had a doctor for a few weeks but had lost my job so I could not continue to pay himBut he did put me on a medication for that short period of time and I did a lot of reading about anxiety and was able to cope not knowing that the things that happened to me in the past we’re most likely the causes. After reading some of the posts and here I realize I mirror exact same issues the only way I could function in my 20s was to drink and smoke and that was the only time I felt comfortable talking to anyone I don’t know if I’m supposed to continue on with such a long post but I’ve got so much to say
 
are you just using the web page? I've not tried that on a phone. I've only used my pc with this site. But whatever you are doing is working.
 

Gregory 21

Registrant

KMCINVA

Registrant
Today is the only second day I’ve read some of the posts it blows me away how many of us there are out there I can relate to so many of you and have so many of the same issues I wish I could’ve come out myself with this many years ago I am now 59 already raised two boys turned out to be wonderful men and finally expose the secret to my family and also a couple of good friends I hope this is the starting of the healing process for me because I definitely need some thing I’m going to continue to read everybody’s stories as much as I can and learn from those and understand that it was never my fault any of this happened I was under somebody else’s control thanks for having me
Gregory 21

Unfortunately this type of abuse has always been around. I believe so many people suffered in years past from addiction, homeless, suicide, etc because they had not place to go. Silence controlled their lives. Today we have more opportunity to find support but sadly society has not come fully around to accept the reality of the abuse and the damage it does to the survivor emotionally, physically and mentally. Too many laugh off the abuse and say get over it, are you sure it happened, not them or just turn their head and say I do not want to hear it.

Even with the disclosure of church, boy scout, Penn State abuses, the abuses still continue. People are afraid to tell on those they suspect of abusing and once they know they deny. I think so many people have suffered abuse in their lives and were led to believe it was alright because it was not abuse. I have seen it and to be honest when I saw it I did not realize it was abuse but it occurred over and over--excessive teasing and taunting. It causes abuses to be repeated and many times people see abuse as benign when in actuality it is impactful to the person being abused and people around. It can escalate to more severe forms of abuse.

Remember you are facing your abuse, and imagine if everyone did, maybe the cycle of abuse would disappear--I know this is polyanna thinking but I long for a world where a child is not sexually abused and families realize their words and actions can be abuse despite what they think.

I hope reading the stories helps you. Thank you for sharing your story.

Kevin
 
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Ferguson

Registrant
Welcome. Keep telling your story - it's like peeling an onion re layers. It does us all good as well as you.
 
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