OLD FRIEND SERVING IN IRAQ

OLD FRIEND SERVING IN IRAQ
J

JAAY

Registrant
It has been a long time since I logged on here but I need some advise?

I had a very good friend in the end of high school and the start of college who I had a falling out with. To make a long story short, I worked with this friend and another co-worker who would grope me.The friend in Iraq was not part of this. Looking back I felt uncomfotable with this kind of behavior but I guess I did not take it serious and assumed it was stupid guy stuff. Well I tied it on my friend (stationed in IRAQ) and he became responded that I must be gay. I withdraw and did not speak to him until recently via telephone for about 2 minutes. His wife was speaking to him on the telephone and when he heard it was me he asked to speak to me. He seemed pleased to hear from me, commented that it had awhile since he heard from me and asked me what I was up to! He gave me his email address and I sent a email.

I have been in therapy and worked out the confusion with my sexual identity. Should I reveal my abuse via email? Should I reveal the details of past? This guy did try to remain friends after the incident bit I was so ashamed and embaressed. Thanks for your help!
 
Nothing ventured, nothing gained Jay.

If he's a good friend he'll understand.

Dave
 
Jay,

Friends are in for the long haul, and this guy sounds like he would be receptive. But remember that just like family members and others, your friend may be pretty shocked by what you say and may not know how to respond at first.

In a way it's a toss-up. If you tell him in a phone conversation he will immediately pick up on how you are expressing yourself and how you feel, so that will help. But he will be cornered to figure out something to say right then and there.

By email he will have some time to digest what you are saying and come up with a response, but, well, we have all had experiences with email losing the fine nuances of what we mean to say.

When I told my sister it was by email - I knew I would be too upset to get much out on the phone. It worked out well, but she reads me like a book anyway and is my best friend in all the earth. She had already figured out something was wrong, so she was ready to be supportive and understanding whatever it turned out to be.

You sound like you really want to talk, and in a way it seems you need to tell this friend. I have had that impulse several times with good friends and have told them in various ways. They were people I really trusted, and all of them have been very supportive.

Trust is a big problem for me, so it helped me a lot that these first efforts have gone well.

Good luck,
Larry
 
Hi Jay, I remember you from before. :)

I know it seems like because your friend is in Iraq, every word you exchange is important. But there's no reason that everything has to come out in one conversation, is there?

You could start by letting him know that you appreciate his friendship, and that it was nice to talk to him again. Clear the air a bit about the previous incident with your co-workers. Maybe talking about this (since he already knows about it) would be a good way to "practice" talking to him about your abuse.

If you're corresponding through email, he'll have time to process the info, but you'll have the power to share it on your own timetable, too.

Good luck,
SAR
 
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