ok here is my post

ok here is my post
M

markgreyblue

Registrant
I have been again doing some work for a transition in my life lately and this is just of late -

that I have spent much

time alone and have not been dating much -

I put in a porn DVD this morning - and was watching it - but felt somewhat detached

I watched the faces of these men - and saw them indeed enjoying it but it seemed

also so out of desperation their activity - their pleasure exclamations were

huge -

and I wanted to feel as they did - but at the same time it just was not of the

same level - I suppose - I realized then I was aiming to have sex -

and I am aiming to have sex -

but I kind of have to laugh about it - with someone I love or like -

it just seemed to to be a good realization -

it was as if I could be different -

I relaxed some and the whole thing was much easier to live with

- I suppose by whole thing I am referring to 'it being much easier to live with'

is a kind of pressure I felt - at

not being LIKE the men on TV ???

- as most of my early sexual tutelage came from porn

and not sex-ed as no one addresses those issues for
us gay men - growing up -

---
 
Hello Markgreyblue!

I am SO glad that you posted today.

If someone is feeling lonely and isolated, I can think of nothing that will make them feel even more lonely and isolated than watching gay porn. Why? Because no one is like the guys on the screen.

Do you want to know what I think is the biggest turn-on? To see two men passionately kissing, men who really care about each other. But that's something you don't see. Instead we see a lot of "acrobatics."

So it's good to keep in mind that a lot of men (gay, straight, bi, or whatever) are not like those guys on the screen. And there are lots of people in real life who would appreciate meeting a sensitive, caring guy like you.

Take care,

Jasper
 
thank you for your words and it is good to know
i am not alone with this -

mgb
 
Hello Mark:

No, you are not alone. And please feel free to post here any time, on anything. Seriously, it's really good to have you here.

Now get out there and have some fun, if you don't mind my saying so. Something told me to glance at your profile. I don't usually do that with the guys here. But I saw your profile and realized you have a birthday tomorrow. Am I right?

Well...I know sometimes we may dread these things because of negative associations. But I hope that you are really good to yourself, and do something fun. Like buy yourself a gift that no one would ever give you.

Take care, Mark!

And a very happy birthday!

Jasper
 
Thanks

It is my birthday tomorrow -!

M :)
 
Happy BD (a day in advance) :D

Jasper is completely correct. Most of anything that you watch on TV (not just the porn) is totally surreal. Did you ever stop to watch the soap operas that are on daytime TV? The men are SO verbal and speak their feelings to their girlfriends and/or wives all the time. That is done on purpose because that's really what women want from a man.

The same goes for anything else you see. I often look at these movies that have a happy ending with the couple riding off into the sunset. They never come back and show the ending 15 years later when each partner has gained 30 pounds, lost hair, gotten grey, and complaining that their job sucks.

Such is the crap that Hollywood feeds us every day. I have a very close friend at work who's black. She gets so upset at shows like Cosby and others because they don't really portray what the majority of black families are like.

Porn is porn is porn.... it's meant to arouse people to get off on it. That's really not what life and love is about. Jasper is right... a tender kiss between two people is much more realistic as well as arousing. Psychologists say that the biggest sex organ in the one between our ears.

And, unfortunately, we didn't have the best of role models growing up. I grew up with a warped sense of what marriage and a family is supposed to be like. ANd, it's taking me MANY years to figure out how to break that mold.

So, tomorrow, do something good for yourself for your BD. Maybe get a friend and see a movie or go out to lunch. The important thing in ANY relationship is that you need to work on yourself first. And, the more you try to chase the elusive next date, the more you will be disappointed. The right person will come along when you least expect it and when you're NOT looking for it. And let's face it - if you don't work on yourself and get yourself healthy, what energy do you have go give to someone else?

And, don't forget to order a big cake and have a piece for me :D - the original sugar freak (my first drug of choice)

SD
 
thanks guys -

cake - does not a slim figure make!

hehe

anyway - we'll see what happens -
maybe Ralph and I will go to boy watch and drink some -

or maybe Joe and Kent will come too -

I leave for Buffalo on Tuesday afternoon at 4 -so - it really is transition time -

(((I love my brothers))))))))

thanks :)

a great birthday!

xx
Mark
 
Hello Mark:

Hope you have a great day tomorrow! :)

And please do something nice for yourself, something that will really make little Mark smile. Do you know what I mean?

Also, I got a kick out of what SD said about soaps:

The men are SO verbal and speak their feelings to their girlfriends and/or wives all the time. That is done on purpose because that's really what women want from a man.
Click to expand...
I mean....Puh-leaze!!! When did you ever hear real men (especially straight men) sit around talking so much about their feelings. As a former soap fan, I always got a kick out of that. SD, you called it right! :D

But tell me, Mark...are you moving to Buffalo? And will you stay in touch with all your buddies here?

Have a safe, playful, fabulous birthday!

Jasper
:D
 
happy birthday to you , happy birthday to you , happy birthday dear mark....happy birthday to you...

I really did sing it...

Brent.
 
thanks -

it was fun -

ttyl

m
 
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