Oh, my Lord, how it still hurts (POSSIBLE TRIGGERS!)

Oh, my Lord, how it still hurts (POSSIBLE TRIGGERS!)
C

crisispoint

Registrant
I was going through all the messages I got from people here that I saved in my Hotmail account. I had to clean it up you see to conserve memory space and I hate throwing things away. It seems I'm a packrat, even here.

Then, I found some PM's left over from Jay, the friend I lost here to suicide.

Lord, it still hurts. It will always hurt, and I miss him still.

I still carry around guilt, surely unnecessarily so, that I could've done more, prevented him killing himself, given him hope, and I failed. Maybe it's the Irish Catholic thing that I can do more than possible. And I talked to a friend who was having a hard time, and we cried together over some unrelated thing.

I still feel pain for Jay, I feel pain when people hurt each other, I feel pain when I think of the animals who raped and abused me, I feel pain at their words, I feel pain for all of it.

We cannot hurt each other. We MUST help each other. We don't know what actions we take or don't take will push another peson over the edge of hopelessness.

I still feel my "other," Little Scot, as he cries himself to quietness in my head, not just because of what these animals did to me, but because of what they said and I believed. He cried today, and I cried with him. I'm crying now.

I don't know why I'm talking about the subject, except for this. Words hit as hard as fists. Remember to be kind to each other today, and to your loved ones. Treasure these moments now, because they could be all you have. It's better to have happy memories than those of "what-might-have-beens." It's better to build someone up than to tear them down because a ruin's pretty hard to build back up.

Sorry. I thought it needed to be said.

Peace, much peace, and love,

Scot
 
Thank you for your words. I agree with your sentiments, as I also hurt when I see others in pain.

I am heartbroken about the loss of Jay. I may not have known him, but I know the pain that suicide brings. I have known people who took their lives, and my heart still aches for the emptyness they left behind.
Casey
 
DO what you can where you can with what you have. Some things are beyond our power. But with hope, faith, and love we can do a whole lot of good.

God gave us alot of power. To do good, to do evil. We have power. Our words are powerful constructs that enter the psyche of others. Our actions are even more so. And even a grain of sand of a word can make the difference in somebody's life.

You may not be able to make difference throughout the world, but you sure can change an individual's world. Focus on the good you have done. God knows it and weighs it as a special treasure.
 
You said,

"Remember to be kind to each other today, and to your loved ones. Treasure these moments now, because they could be all you have. It's better to have happy memories than those of "what-might-have-beens." It's better to build someone up than to tear them down because a ruin's pretty hard to build back up."

THANK YOU AND GOD BLESS!

PEACE AND LOVE!!!!!!!!

TJ
 
Scot Thanks for the words. I had a agreument with my dauther this last weekend and your words have moved me to make the frist move to make up with her. I know that she would be the last to make a move to make up guess it's up to me. Thanks again Scot.
Tom
 
it's hard, but no matter how hard any of us try, we cannot instill hope or faith. those things come from inside. i have talked to a few since coming here, and some on WebMd, that i find are just beyond hope. They are so full of pain that they can mentally counter any good, deny even the best reasoning. sometimes we can't reach them, no matter how hard we try.

i'm sorry for your loss. i've talked with you some here, and i'm sure you did what you could. that's all any of us can do. in the end, if someone wants to end thier life, there is very little we can do. recovery is a choice each of us makes. it comes from inside. a therapist can't do it for us, a pill won't do it. they are tools, but the choices on how to live are still ours to make.

take care. be gentle with yourself. you are a good man, and you cared enough to try.
 
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