Ode to my avatar


Where did you go my little one?
we used to play and run
in the cold crisp snow
and the hot summer sun

We were always close
we had to be
there was no one else
who cared to see

Others stayed away
we did not belong
we didn't hear
what they would say
but we knew what they said
we lived in fear
we lived with dread

There came the time
when I had to go
I didn't know
please understand
in my heart
and in my mind
I never meant
to leave you behind

I lived so long
with an empty space
I never knew
that when I saw
a little face
I never knew
that it was you

I hope you can forgive
the man who tried to live
an empty life
of shame
and blame
cold and bereft
not knowing
what he had left

I'll try to make it right
You're here now
every morning and every night
and every minute of the day
I promise
never will I go away
always will I stay
we will stand
hand in hand

The time has past for tears
time to put aside
all the fears
it's time for joy
for man and boy

so you see
after all these years
once again
it's you with me

I found the picture that is my avatar in my Mother's things after she died.
As far as I knew there were no preschool pictures of me.
In the pic I am about 3 years old ... when the abuse began.
It was quite a shock to find.
The picture of my little one now lives in a frame beside my bed.
Little Raymond is home.
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I pictured your picture in that gold frame as I read this, Sharky. I can relate on how you talk to your "child" self that way. I also do that. I hope little Raymond finds peace with you.


Beautiful Sharky! Thanks for guiding me to this post. Very heart warming and caring towards the little one AND yourself!

I like the idea of having a picture of the younger you near your bed. That sounds like something i'll have to think about whether i'd like that too.

As the two of you grow up, remember to also play. That's what comes to mind when i look at my own relationship with younger Pieter. Used to love to play, so time to re-introduce that in my life :)


I have a great deal of faith in the concept of the inner child.

That sweet little guy ... no matter what age the boy is that lives within you ... is perpetually what the picture depicts.


He is what you were ... not what was done to you

He is you ... as he was ... forever.

He was not stolen from you ... he resides in your heart and soul.

Love and cherish him ... he deserves it ...

and you deserve to have him back!
Very moving Shyshark (Raymond). I'm surrounded by photos of me as a boy. They are powerful reminders of who I was when those horrible things were happening to me. My abuse at the hands of neighbors began when I was around 3... it was a story my mother told about me returning home one day without the bottoms of my snowsuit that helped confirm the memories that appeared decades later when I was doing EMDR. Your description of snow and sun resonates with me. That was my life as a boy too.

What a beautiful reminder of what this healing journey is all about. Thanks for this touching poem.