Odd things about you because of the abuse

Youngtrumpet

Registrant
Do you find things about you that are perhaps odd but you know they have a direct relationship to the abuse situations?
Some of mine are, eye glasses. I can’t touch someone’s eye glasses. I would rather throw up than to have to handle them.
Nothing can be around my neck. Can’t wear a neck tie. If a shirt touches certain areas of my neck I have to keep arranging it because any restriction around my neck is bothersome.
Face painting or anyone trying to spread anything on my face.
I pee on the side of the toilet, not in the water. Peeing in the water makes too much noise and I don’t want anyone to hear it.
I can not memorize things. I am literally unable to learn memory verses or lines.
Can’t describe someone I just met. If you ask me what they look like or were wearing I wouldn’t be able to describe them.
Do any of these things sound familiar to you or do you understand them? Each of them are odd things about me but I know they relate to those dark times.
 

MO-Survivor

Registrant
Do you find things about you that are perhaps odd but you know they have a direct relationship to the abuse situations?
Some of mine are, eye glasses. I can’t touch someone’s eye glasses. I would rather throw up than to have to handle them.
Nothing can be around my neck. Can’t wear a neck tie. If a shirt touches certain areas of my neck I have to keep arranging it because any restriction around my neck is bothersome.
Face painting or anyone trying to spread anything on my face.
I pee on the side of the toilet, not in the water. Peeing in the water makes too much noise and I don’t want anyone to hear it.
I can not memorize things. I am literally unable to learn memory verses or lines.
Can’t describe someone I just met. If you ask me what they look like or were wearing I wouldn’t be able to describe them.
Do any of these things sound familiar to you or do you understand them? Each of them are odd things about me but I know they relate to those dark times.
A number of things come to mind, some of which don’t bother me as much anymore:
  • Someone touching me, even though I see it coming, can evoke a jumpy / jerk response. It usually depends on whether the person is “safe” or not
  • Licking noises. Dogs like salt, and they would sometimes lick my mom’s feet. Hard for me to stay in the same room when that goes on
  • Repetitive “stroking” - and I mean non-sexual. Like holding hands and kind of rubbing my hand. I can tolerate it but I am keenly aware of my dislike of it the whole time (very much a similar response to when I was abused)
  • Someone twiddling their thumbs or hands. Not sure why on this one - must be the repetition?
  • Stage fright in public restrooms. I made a point to overcome this one, and was able to thankfully
I’m pretty easy going so I tolerate most of those things. And I really hate that it bothers me. It’s hard to tell someone, “I know this is MY problem but it really bugs the crap out of me when you (fill in any of those things).” Often times saying that just puts them off and they don’t give a crap it bugs you (can’t really blame them).
 

HealingInside

Registrant
YES I DO!

I do not have the same ones, but I do have trauma related triggers to normal things. Many are now far less severe than they used to be...

I can't stand my hands being sticky. (Dirty is fine, but not sticky.)
I cannot deal with even a romantic partner french kissing me or touching my ear.
Except for romantic partners, no one can touch my back.
Wet juicy noises bother me.
I always needed to lock my bedroom door, even when I lived alone.
Wearing wet sneakers is highly triggering.
At home or in a group, I cannot fall asleep until everyone else is in bed, or at least their bedroom.
I have all sorts of related bathroom/bowel challenges. It is worse outside the house, but there even at home.
The dentist generally freaks me out.
In public, I can't stand having my back to the room. I sit facing the room at restaurants, and rearrange my work desk to do the same.

There are probably more, but you get the idea....
 

Seagull

Registrant
I have them as well . As with other posters here , some triggers are not as overwhelming as they were.
My biggest has always been a hand on my left shoulder. Even seeing other people , either in real life or media , having a hand put on their shoulder can trigger me.
Rum and cigarette breath
Close whispering
The smell of chlorine in a pool

There are more
 
TRIGGERS!>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

This is very similar to "trigger issues". I'm merely watching myself reacting to all of this. You all have some strong triggers, by the way.

I didn't even realize it was 3 hours that this (the assault) all happened. I haven't noticed anything major change with me, with the exception that I cannot say certain words to describe what happened. I cannot always type the words. Sometimes I can. Not always. I have many triggers, verbal and physical. I put them under another thread concerning triggers. I certainly cannot list all the triggers or my changed behaviors as this just happened and I'm truly unable to give an accurate number. Perhaps time needs to pass for me to even come to terms with my own triggers.

Someone above mentioned "the bathroom". Man, just feeling the urgency to urinate is difficult for me. This causes me to remember how badly the monster attempted to get me to urinate in my clothes. I could not do it. I was trying to do what my attacker demanded me to do. I didn't want to be hurt. But I could not do it. Biting my arms and fingers, beating me, putting this strange wet dirt on my feet, lower legs and kn**s, pouring bugs on me, Jesus Christ!!! Fucking hard to think of guys. It was so traumatic of an experience...I cannot remember ever doing that. But I did. Sorry if I'm unable to clarify myself. But you guys understand I hope.

So going into the bathroom can be a difficult experience. Day by day it gets easier. I start to feel myself forcing myself to look at it and ask myself "why" did he do this.

I'm sure, through time, I will perceive and understand my triggers and all those changes in me that have occurred since this attack. But I have every right to change and to put red flags up because someone tried to take all of my control away from me.
 
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I used to hate being touched unexpectedly. I also hated hugging. I've gotten a lot better with the hugging as long as its a friend hug and not one with intimacy attached. Holding hands bothers me but it depends on the situation. People arguing gives me great anxiety. Growing up I had this great fear that I would become a predator. So when I read other people's posts where they talk about how they used to worry about it as well sets off massive anxiety in me. The idea that being abused can lead to you becoming an abuser frightens me. A kind of funny story about touching: A few years ago I belonged to this social club. There was one young lady maybe 20 in the group who was always hanging on people for extended periods of time. I thought it was very odd but she left me alone so whatever. Then one day at a picnic she came over and started hanging on me. I tried to be cool cause I know she does this to everyone but I was freaking out on the inside. Afterwards a good friend of mine in the group came over to me and said that I looked like I was dying the whole time she was hanging on me. Its funny now looking back but at the time it was horrible.
 
I used to hate being touched unexpectedly. I also hated hugging. I've gotten a lot better with the hugging as long as its a friend hug and not one with intimacy attached. Holding hands bothers me but it depends on the situation. People arguing gives me great anxiety. Growing up I had this great fear that I would become a predator. So when I read other people's posts where they talk about how they used to worry about it as well sets off massive anxiety in me. The idea that being abused can lead to you becoming an abuser frightens me. A kind of funny story about touching: A few years ago I belonged to this social club. There was one young lady maybe 20 in the group who was always hanging on people for extended periods of time. I thought it was very odd but she left me alone so whatever. Then one day at a picnic she came over and started hanging on me. I tried to be cool cause I know she does this to everyone but I was freaking out on the inside. Afterwards a good friend of mine in the group came over to me and said that I looked like I was dying the whole time she was hanging on me. Its funny now looking back but at the time it was horrible.

You being petrified of that woman must have looked very obvious to your friend. Before this ever happened to me, I never had a problem with anyone being close to me; with anyone whispering or distorting their voice. Now, it makes my skin crawl.
 
I was homophobic early in life. I am gay now, recent change.

I have never hiked the woods alone as an adult. Too scared. I'm 6+ ft and 200+ lbs, I should not be scared of squirrels and others hiding behind trees ready to jump me. I can go in to the woods in groups just fine.

Always 3 abusers + me = 4 in the woods, being part of a group of 4 has always been uncomfortable, always, woods or no woods.

I often freeze when I have unwanted sexual arousal.

Great question @Youngtrumpet, thank you.
 
Sound of urination in a toilet. I cover my ears if in a public restroom. I now understand why.
someone hugging me if i did not iniatiate it espically my mom which I regret
sex with my partner when i am not in the mood.
 

brother2none

Staff member
Since it has been mentioned a couple times in this thread about the sound of urinating in a toilet bowl, it makes me wonder if I try to be quiet (and hit the side) so that others cannot hear OR is it so that I can hear another approaching. I used to think it was exclusively the first, but after reading about polyvagal theory, I wonder if its really the latter. F-in great thread.
 

Kilowog

Registrant
Any type of white sauce.. Alfredo, Bechamel, etc... It just sets me off to no end. I also walk on the tips of my toes so as not to make noise.
 
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AussieMan

Registrant
G'day and good evening. I have been reading and skimming through everyone's posts/stories of odd things from abuse. I have much issues using public toilets when I need to go pee. If there is a stall in use I must use the urinal, but my fear are other males who might be behind me; therefore, I will avoid using the urinal. The other issue I often sit down on the toilet to pee, because I am scared that I don't need anyone or any male to hear me pee. So, public toilets can be my biggest issue that will cause me to have flashbacks.
This may seem crazy, but I get triggered when I go out; whether, its going for a walk, or biking, walking through a park. The trigger is seeing families having fun. Seeing parents have fun with their children, or seeing the nurture, and the love given to their children. The other wonderful thing I often hear is a parent saying, "I love you", to their child/children. How does this become a trigger to me? Not once, did I ever hear my parents say those 3 letter words to me, or have fun. Mum, Dad, and sister never ever said, "I love you", to me. It is a huge trigger for me, not knowing what love means, or what does having love and life mean to me?
Thought my post would fit right in with triggers
 
I'm surprised at the number of guys who are triggered by the sound of urination. Based on what happened with me I am surprised its not a trigger for me.
 

HenryD

Registrant
This was much more difficult to express than I thought. Here's a partial list.

1. Sex without talking. The absence of any emotional satisfaction which makes it just a physical act.
2. You work hard to please the other person. Give them an orgasm and often just stop before you have one. Then, later, masturbate alone.
3. The need to clean up after, followed by the urge to sleep.
 
It's horrible and interesting at the same time:
  1. Fluids, the sound of. Can be drinking, people swallowing, or...
  2. Cold, I was kept in a place for years that was so cold. I need warmth to stay grounded. Winter is like torture
  3. White clothes. I had to dress in white lace and robes when I was very small
  4. Scratching sounds
  5. The sound in cellars. Voice sounds, any sound, that hollow echo.
Probably more, but it escapes me now.
 

Inturn

Registrant
Perhaps not as odd but these are things I have noticed about myself as I have started to deal with my issues...
  1. When anything is uncomfortable, my default response is NO. Anything that I fear takes my out of my comfort zone is met with a No, then a yes later after thinking about it. Funny thing is if I follow through on the item / event, I usually have no regrets...
  2. Can't urinate when others are in the same public bathroom. Period.
  3. Lately I have noticed that when my kids want to be silly and get their faces close to mine, I am freaking out. I do not show it but I get very anxious... I can't even follow that up by giving them a hug. I need some time to calm down.
  4. I apologize every time I have an orgasm with my wife.
  5. my physiotherapist commented the other day that I am always very tense... she's been working on my knee of late. That's not a surprise although I trust her and thought I was relaxed...
 
my physiotherapist commented the other day that I am always very tense...
A Chinese traditional healer evaluated me a few years back and basically said I've been in "flight or fight" mode for years, maybe forever, (or since the sexual abuse of me). He was right, and I didn't notice. Anti-anxiety meds work for me now, along with daily exercise and stretching.
 
I did an entire thread on "Weird Symptoms" (90+ replies) -- feel free to take a look and add your own!!
 

WG

Registrant
The sound of people chewing food or swallowing loudly. "Liquid" sounds, sudden touch. Someone caressing my hands (bless her heart, my wife likes to do just that and it's OK if I see it coming), Old Spice, a room in disarray, unmade beds, Venetian blinds partly open, a single mattress on the floor, sudden sounds - especially a sharp sound, the usual bathroom problems that others have said, stale cigarette smell (most certainly inside someone's home or apartment), as someone said in another post - face painting or having my face touched, a closed dark room (although I can sleep in our bedroom alright). There's more but that's what I can think of just now.
 
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