Oasis

[Ross]

I am almost 50. Colors of many sunrises and sunsets, some light some dark. In my life I have been looking for what might of been reflected in the brief images of pre abuse boyhood pictures. I know in my heart I will never find what I seek. t I do, however,keep trying to recover some part of that mystery I suppose what am seeking is a constant place of safety where I can be what I have become without pretense.

It is a hard world and the places of such rest are few and difficult to find. As a fellow survivor I come before you all as the person that I really am. I believe, like many survivors, that the pain, melancholy and loss I feel have influenced my life deeply. Sometimes I get upset and vent or transfer these feelings on others. Call it my "defensive front three" for want of a better way to describe the aggresive nature of my internal shell. In our lives there have been problems; therefore there will be problems here at MS/NOMSV. Certainly these current issues that face us regarding LC and others are disconcerting, aggravating and difficult to sort out. Well what else is new eh?

The difference here is that we are together in a place where we can talk about it without the heavy separations and breakings that can happen in the world when we share the true intensity of what we are. If I choose to keep this difference it will continue to fucntion as an oasis for me. I really don't have anywhere else to go to share like this, openly from my heart. I see others doing it here and it gives me inspiration and hope.

Rumbles will happen. I can't always tippy-toe around issues and passion can carry me away at times. I can't expect others here to be any different. I am trying to do three things here to ensure that this oasis will not fall away from me as so many other things in my life have. They are:

Do no harm.
Trust others here( check sometimes too! LOL!!).
Learn to care and be cared for.

Sincerely

Ross

 

[guy43]

Ross,

Your thoughts are so on the mark for me:

... Colors of many sunrises and sunsets, some light some dark. In my life I have been looking for what might of been reflected in the brief images of pre abuse boyhood pictures. I know in my heart I will never find what I seek. I do, however,keep trying to recover some part of that mystery...

I believe the mystery can be very hard to connect with, but it's there waiting to be found. Inner Child work, as difficult as it can be, points the way.

The difference here is that we are together in a place where we can talk about it without the heavy separations and breakings that can happen in the world when we share the true intensity of what we are... I see others doing it here and it gives me inspiration and hope.

When we share the true intensity of what we are... and my words, who we are and what we what to become. It inspires me as well.

Rumbles will happen...

This site is a slice of real life, like it or not. It can't be all things for all people. It can be and is a place for male survivors. Maybe safety is more about 'is it safe within me' rather than 'what triggers me here and in the real world'?

...I am trying to do three things here to ensure that this oasis will not fall away from me as so many other things in my life have. They are:

Do no harm.
Trust others here( check sometimes too! LOL!!).
Learn to care and be cared for.
Sincerely
Ross

I couldn't have said it any better Ross, thanks.

-jer

 

[The Dean]

Thanks for those gentle and encouraging words Ross. I am sure we all very much appreciate them. We will be just fine, we just have a bad time of the year I think, so things are said that are more out of the seasonal than the rational.

Bob

 

[RJD]

Another way of saying much the same thing.

I am in an ongoing self forming support group of 6 men for 2 yrs.
The group was not formed to specifically deal with SA issues.
It was the intention to include support for all issues from
childhood and some members have some SA related issues.
While much good work is going on, it seems like Im the only
one who broaches the subject with my own SA issues and from
there it soon dies. I do get good things from the group and I
plan to continue with it.

For the past 2 yrs this M S page has been a comforting beacon for me to
see from far out on a stormy sea or an oasis on the desert as
you see it Ross. Even the beacon can be experiencing the
same storm that I do, but all it has to do is stand there
anchored on a pile of solid rocks. Just the sight of the beacon
is enough.

There may even be, on very rare ocasion, a ship that is crushed
by the rocks under the beacon, but that ship was forced there
not on its own power but by the overwhelming power of an
invading wind. At that point the beacon has also served to help
rescue efforts for any survivors

I am grateful to those who built this sturdy beacon, and to
those who maintain it..

Bless you all, and especially your hearts.

----------- be gentle with yourselves

 

[andrew-almost52]

Awesome post Ross. Salute from one Canadian to another!