Noticing overwhelm

[myheaddit]

I have been trying to pay closer attention to how emotions surface when I am going through periods of incapacity or lose control. It has been a lot of stops and starts, mostly because for a long time I refused to accept the basic premise that 'adding more control' was not the way out. As someone with a long-standing developmental disorder that was not acknowledged during my youth, I had built up an almost unconscious habit of pushing back when I felt myself slacking or not reaching the goal I set for myself. I realise now that this is called perfectionism, a term that I thought was positive till very recently.

I am joining a step program this week, one that will help add some accountability in the most empathetic way I can find. I'm also continuing with a therapist I just found that offers shared sessions within my budget. It feels very much like turning a corner, like I am not just relying on myself to continuously make sure I stop, ground and process things. Finding a way to tell myself that asking for help was ok was the beginning of my journey a few years ago. Now, I am searching for the help I believe I am worth.