Notes for My Next Therapy Session

Notes for My Next Therapy Session

Green

Registrant
I was told that my needs would be the primary consideration in this office. That turned out to be a lie. My needs were secondary in that conversation, barely acknowledged. Instead, I had to stomach an immense hurt because of something that I did twenty years ago. Maybe I deserved to be hurt, but that hurt has basically altered my therapy. That is all that I have thought about since Thursday. I dont deserve that, not in this office, my alleged sanctuary. The fact that my mother abused me has taken a back seat to her need to dump on me. Im using the word dump carefully. My therapy time is now being used to cure her. When we make love, her hair often mimics my mothers hair when she was on top of me when I was a child. I dont say anything to her out of consideration of her therapy. You could have taught her the art of timing and give and take.

Green
 
Green,

I'm sorry your time is being sabotaged. Have you talked to your therapist or partner about this? We all need our own time.

Recovering from SA is difficult, uphill work and you are right, you deserve a sanctuary and advocate for your own needs.

Its time to be a little selfish. After all we can't heal ourselves without concentrating on ourselves.

Hope things get better soon!

Aaron
 
Have a direct and honest conversation with your therapist. Maybe a phone call when your wife isn't around. Peace, Andrew
 
Green,

I had to go to another therapist. My wife and I started couple's therapy last fall. At one point my wife "disclosed" the sexual abuse in one session, and I started seeing the psychologist separately for that.

I "liked" working with her, if "like" is the right word for therapy :) but eventually I felt that I needed to work with someone who wasn't involved in our joint couple's work. I found a therapist through the county health department's crisis center, and I think I'm making more progress and becoming less selfish in the couple's therapy.

I had to separate the two. Maybe you and your wife could benefit from that kind of arrangement.

Thanks,

Joe
 
Gentlemen,

I spoke with my therapist and got mixed results. However, she had no intention of stopping what I considered a one direction conversation. She said that the cat was out of the bag and the issues that my wife brought up had to be dealt with. My argument was that I have been sitting here for the last four or five months talking about events that occurred before I was five year old and that it was unfair for me to be suddenly confronted with the ramifications of an affair that I had twenty years ago an affair which my wife and the therapist had been discussing on and off for four months. I was simply unprepared for the conversation.

Actually, the crisis occurred inside of me about an hour before the crisis between my wife and me that sent us screaming to the therapist. Of course, while my wife and I argued I never mentioned the personal crisis that I went through about an hour before the argument. The hour before I was forced into a situation where I was in the same room with the woman with whom I had the affair. While looking at her, I realized (Realized is not a good word punched hard in the stomach would be closer to the truth, although the expression is not strong enough) that she was the spitting image and personality of my mother who had her own private affair with me. Needless to say, this sent me into an emotional roller coaster a very bad one. As my therapist says, Of course you slept with her. That is what you have been taught to do. I didnt even like her. I went to her because she was like my mother.

To make a long story short, my wife and I met with the therapist. I felt ganged upon. Then the therapist said that my wife wanted to know why I went to the woman with whom I had the affair. I said, Because she reminded me of my mother. The answer stunned everyone including me.

Ill write more when I get a chance.

Green
 
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