note

[markgreyblue]

note - there is nothing really dire in this note
just a small rant -

i have moved in temporarily with a former boyfriend

he is really difficult to be with - i do not know if he realizes how much he flirts -

but i have realized that regardless of that element of the move - the
move itself has really thrown me off and it has
taken me sometime - well about a week - to find my feet again so to speak - my whole routine was
off - and now i have it back again -
at least i am remembering - despite the new surroundings and living with someone
what
my life is all about - getting back on track -
it is amazing how orderliness can really
- at least my own ordliness - can really
effect me -

mgb

 

[guy]

mark,

sorry to hear you have an un-comfortable situation.

as for the flirting, you are aware of it and can only be honest about your feelings with him. if he cares or loves you, he will work on it.

one mistake i make and have made is marrying or moving in with someone for the wrong reaasons. i don't know your situation, but i am working real hard to quit my patterns. trying to learn to love myself, be able to be by myself, trying to be able to be alone.

by the way, i am not gay per se,have bi acted out, fantasized a whole lot but in general care dearly about everyone- regardless of what they say their orientation is. i guess i really don't know but do love women overall. I also do not like anyone to suffer no matter who they are.

for i have suffered so much as well.

take care, time will tell if it is right or will work. it always does but be careful to not get hurt in the process or hurt real bad as i have and i am sure yhou have in the past.

guy

 

[Brayton]

mgb,

I'm the one in my relationship who is regarded with suspicion. I don't think I am flirtatious but I do get noticed (lately when I am wearing my 'we here we queer we aren't going anywhere' T-shirt).

He knows I look at guys and gets suspicious sometimes that I am cheating on him.

All of that is not true. I am not going to cheat on him and if I flirt it is just to get the positive feedback about my appearnance and personality that I don't get from him.

(Not saying that's what's going on in your relationship--just sharing what your post made me think of.)

Guy,

As I get more and more into abuse recovery, I find my feelings towards sex shift. I'm far from alone in thinking of and observing sexual orientation as a fluid thing in a lot of people. We are encouraged to pick one label or another but rarely, I think, do rigid definitions actually fit.

Mine is shifting into something more and more asexual which is not as disturbing as I might have once thought.

I know that it is partly or fundamentally a natural reaction (for me) to the abuse I experienced and more honest than the absolute label that I took on for many years.

I still feel comfortable here, however, because if any orientation fits me it is 'gay,' regardless of how I personally define it.