Not your fault

Not your fault
I was writing this morning about being innocent... that despite the things I've done that hurt others as well as myself... I've always been an innocent. Carrying memories of the past when so much pain was in our lives is not easy... healing will ask of us that we remember we came to that world not because we wanted it... but because some despicable person was attracted to our innocence and wanted to use it for their own satisfaction. Always we must learn to be gentle with ourselves.
 
Hey Toad,

I have a picture of me on papasan's couch which has a leopard pattern cover with the cover up to my armpits waving. Obviously I was naked

Everything we did is digitized and on line. It sells. It doesn't take a genius to digitize 8, 16, 32mm film or 128 or 35mm photos. All you need is some money for equipment and a place to put it and the porn movie is now a porn video. It's all out there. It's cheap to digitize movie film of any other type of film.

The animals are still out there digitizing the stuff made with us in it. Open source (free) conversion apps. You have to remember that movies taken of me from the '60 when soft porn magazines were on the newsstands of Manhattan and hard porn magazines were sold in candy stores from under the counter in Manhattan. I remember seeing the magazines that my boyfriend and I were in. We used to get those magazines and they were, as we said, fuck'd up. It's out there, it's all out there. I was surprised to find pictures of myself on the web with a simple Google search. Not hard core stuff but it is porn. My T told me not to look for my shit anymore I could get in trouble so I gave that up. The original "Lord of the Flies" was made in early 60's can be found on the net with a couple of keystrokes.

Police departments were bought in the early '60s they were owned and run by the mafia. I remember when I had locked myself in a corner telephone booth. I was bleeding badly my pants were soaked. It was the middle of November in the early morning I had on a pair of pants, a T-shirt and no socks or shoes. I was 14. Some lady found me and asked me if I needed help. I put my feet up against the door so she couldn't open it. She left and came back with a couple of street cops who came over and tried to coax me out of the phone booth. At about the same time the person who I had just called from that booth drove up. I came out of the phone booth and I was told to get into the car. The police never even asked me my name or why I was crying and in a telephone booth. If they would have looked on the floor of the booth the would have found blood, maybe they did. They never said boo to me. I don't know what was said but I don't think that wouldn't happen today, at least not in NY.

The world hasn't become so straight that only new porn is shown. For being abused for over 15 years I had thousands of porn pic and maybe a couple of hundred movies taken of me. Back in those day the skin business was owned by the mafia. Whatever porn was made they had a finger in it. Today one doesn't have a need to develop film. Back in the '60s B&W pics could be developed in a basement but to develop color pics or film you had to go to either a pharmacy who didn't do porn or send it out to a mafia developing house. The mafia had the money, the people, the equipment and kids to make any type of porn wanted. Movies were made not only by the big porn shops but by a john who would whip out his 8mm and start filming me sucking this guy off. As for snuff movies they were made back then and they are making them today also. I am the survivor of one. The type of animals during WWII who pumped different drugs into the veins of little kids in concentration camps to see how they would react or how long it would take them to die didn't in '45. Unfortunately, those films digitized can be found today.

A good start for stats can be found at
John Jay College of Criminal Justice
 
Dear lapchinj et al.

I read your threads and I feel ashamed that I hold such resentments. My older brother molested me and my little brother.
He was physically abusive, and conned me into sucking hiss dick when I was 12, and then told me how what I was doing was bad and homosexual.

But that is not what I want to share. It is a fear that I have never before admitted. When I was 12 at my mother's direction I stripped slowly for her photographer friend. Although he took pictures at every step of undressing, I did not get anxious about it until I was naked. And after a while
naked I had an erection and hid behind a chair. My mother had me get back into full view naked. Then she told him to cut the pictures down.
I asked my mother why. She said so I would not be embarrassed when I was older.

I knew in some sense this was abuse. But only reading your posts did I acknowledge I might have been distributed. I had assumed till
now this was something special for her photographer friend. When I was older, and married, I put one of the pictures of me on top of the
china closet. It was a picture taken when I was naked but it only went down to my belly.

At 37, I was flooded by the terror of physical, sexual,and emotional abuse. I understood the pain for the first time. I could not stand it.
A cried so hard for three days, I could not walk a straight line. I went into therapy thinking my mother an innocent victim and all the fault went to
my father and his frequent physical abuse.(He hit each of us kids at least once a month and my mother at least once a week.

The therapist would not work with me until a presented evidence of my mother abusing me as well.

I got sober in 1991, my wife did not stop drinking, and threw me out of the house in 1994, after 26 years of marraige. (actually we agreed to a six month trial separation where we would meet each month to see how we were doing. In the second month she asked why we
were bothering to see each other, since she wanted a divorce..)

I asked my wife to take down the photo. She refused, she verbalized she did not care about what it represented, only
that it was hers and she would do with it what she pleased..
 
Sad to read this gene... I'm sorry you live with those memories. I too came to an understanding of my mother's role in my trauma very late in the journey. It is so difficult to believe the person who gave birth to us could be so cruel... but we know from reading posts on this website that horrible things are done my mothers, as well as fathers. All the best on your healing journey.
 
Viisitor Toad

Until I read this forum in never occurred to me that my pictures had been circulated.
Another enlightenmrent I thought I would never face. Makes me wonder if she was malevelent.

It probably doesn't matter, either way she hurt. And she has been dead for almost 20 years.
l
 
So this is a great thread and I'm not horrified by any of it anymore because, this is what it was like. I didn't need anyone to coerce me after the first time.

Brutalized children, pornography, which so many wink at now. Great. The snuff films should be made of the executions of the pornographers.

Even when they're nice about it it's still brutality. I know someone forced me at some point. I wasn't like that. I was never comfortable on top. This is how you learn it though. They turned me.
Meet the vampire.

So this was all repressed till my forties and I had cPTSD symptoms like you read about and I raised my kids and I was insanely overprotective because,

I didn't want them to run into anyone that was into what I was into back then.

Everyone was affected though. Just because you block it out doesn't mean it didn't happen and those memories are in your body whatever that means and yes, I read Bessels book.

So thanks so much because I wasn't like a victim so much and there is a lot of that feeling, or it's a kind of mindset.

I was a volunteer. This is what you did, this is what you like. Why play with toy soilders? What fun is that? That's what made it so hard to figure out I'd been abused. I just thought I liked certain things.

Then when I hit puberty I was convinced I was a girl. Another benefit. The girl vampire.

I don't try to pretend to be normal anymore, you just live with it.
 
Well said Toad. I spent a lifetime contending with shame over behaviors I've finally come to tie directly to different elements of the sexual abuse. It doesn't take away the anguish, the sadness but at least I no longer have to diminish myself to engage in healing work. It is easy to be confused after what happened to us.
 
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If the moderators say no to posting this, which I think would be wrong, but this is a site for healing. It’s just that I get ticked off with people who say “get over it” or something similar. But porn has to be the worst disease that is a major killer of children and as us as adults. If management lets me I would at least like to make this private but invite any one to come read it.

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I wanted this to be short but I was ticked off that a therapist refused to believe in digitizing old pics and movies. He should change his profession.

I was being taken pictures of since I was 8. I won’t get into too much but my boyfriends sister had an expensive camera and took pictures of us “frolicking” around with each other. She would sell those pics to the boy magazines which could be bought at the newsstands in manhattan! She did the B&W prints in her basement lab. Her color pics were “sent out” to anprofessional lab. The only people that developed color pics and film was the mafia back in the ‘50s and ‘60s.

The main camera she used was a Rolleicord built between 1958 and 1961. I have a picture of my boyfriend holding it taking pictures. I know how old he was in the picture so I found a group of guys on the web who collect those cameras on the net. The gave me the manufacturing dates of each camera version. Way cool. It would have been nice to have the serial# but hey I found the camera. It wasn’t the top of the line Rolleiflex but it also took beautiful pics, I still have many of them. Had to trash a lot though. Too sick.

I took a shitload of Those pictures when I got out of the USAF in ‘72 but I was discharged at the end of the war in’75. They stayed in the bottom of my duffel bag until around 2014.

I always thought my professional career as a prostitute started when I was 11-1/2 but looking at pics that I have show I was only around 10. I loved the guy that sold me. He was my surrogate father and I called him papasan. He called me Kiku which is Japanese for chrysanthemum and when I went on dates with johns that was the name I was known by. My parents were shit to me. There were 4 of us in the village apartment when I was 12 and my boyfriend was a year younger than me but I loved him (yeah I’m gay). Met him When I was 10, that would have made him 9. The two other kids in the room were street kids. Bobby and I were too naive to be allowed alone on the street. We did dates and the two street kids did tricks. Maybe we were worth doing dates.

I slept with johns for weekends and trips sometimes on private planes. Was taken on excursions for a couple of weeks at a time for some nature photography with me as one of the animals. I was taken many times with Bobby also. To go to canada in those years you simply drove across the border and I was always the john’s son or something. Beautiful country and wilderness

It would be too long to tell of my year and a half in the movies. But one of those movies ended up, whether on purpose or by accident, to be a snuff movie. It is this movie that has brought me to the brink many times and I think that is the way it end at some point. It was my fault that I couldn’t beat this 8(?) year old like I was supposed to and he paid the price. He died because of me.

When I was 14 I was dragged into a huge Mafia operation on Long Island which made those movies. According to the Newsday newspaper there were 5 of those horror houses during my years - Hempstead, Valley Stream, Rockville Center and the last two I forget. All in Nassau county on Long Island. My step parents lived in Hempstead but I don’t know where I was taken. My parents were to inolved with themselves to see what was going on with me for 15 years. Why I disappeared for a couple of weeks. The only reason I graduated high school was that I went to a high priced private school and they had the money to get me promoted and finally graduated. (I didn’t go to my graduation and neither did my parent but I’m getting off subject)

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At first I thought that I was being trained to be a model. I quickly found out that I was to beat and rape little children like 6,8,10 years old. But it wasn’t all about me beating kids, the movie people loved beating me also. This was the worst 1-1/2 year of my life and I still suffer from it very badly. If you ask why I beat little kids all I can say is that if I didn’t do what I was told to do or hesitated in any way the child was beaten brutally for my failures.

I was already electricuted the first week I was there when I was told to rape two very young children (4, 5?) and I hesitated. I never knew that children that young were raped or beaten. I was about to find out differently. I was flipped on my back had a rod shoved up my ass and they turned on the juice very slowly. The next week when when I came they showed me the movie of the beating and electrocution. There were multiple camera men taking stills and movies. After showing me the movie they brought me back into the room and those same two kids were there sitting on the bed. This time when they put one of them in front of me that child was raped, I raped them both. I was just elevated to the highest level of human animal. None human real animals don’t do that. I usually never saw the same kid more than once. 99% of the kids I faced were boys. The electrocution movie was a mind fuck but but the size of those two children make me sick. I’m going to spot with that.

I’m sure movies like this are worthy of digitizing for the sick of mind. Movies with Marlon Brandow(?sp), John Wayne, etc are still watched so why not our shit. Because a therapist said there is just too much porn being made today is crap. There in never too much sick child porn. Movies of infants were being made back then also. To back all this up there were news articles of babies as young as 6 months being sold for sex and one case I read where a sicko flew to California to rape an6 month old child. It’s just that only a very few people were brought to justice back then. If is well known that the NYPD was owned by the mafia when I was a child in the ‘50s and ‘60s. Go read about it in WikiPedia or go Goggle it. No secrets today.

If you ask why I didn’t so no to these two. I was afraid of the way I would die. Beatings would have been acceptable but slow electrocution is horrible and I was only 14.

In order to make us listen or move faster while doing a movie take we were shot with paper clips from rubber band between their fingers. Remember that shit. Besides spitballs in school we shot other kids with paper clips. Hurts bad when shot on a bare ass or on your junk. By these fucks it alway drew a little blood. It’s the sort of thing used to wake someone out of a trance really quick

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Sometime during that year and a half I was the cause of death of a child around 8(?). Again I was not being brutal enough. After about a 1/2 to 3/4 hour of beating this kid and me being beaten (just trying to do my job), two steroid fueled bodybuilders took us both and hung us up by our wrists about 10feet apart facing each other in the gym(torture room). We were already bleeding, crying and me drugged. I guess they didn’t give drugs to little kids. They didn’t want those children doped up against pain. I was doped up because they were able to control me better. Sick. We were beaten very viscously. I watched the kid scream and cry while gagging for breath until it all slowly stopped. Then the piss just started running out of him and ran down his legs. I will never forget his eyes. They took him down and laid him in a heap on a side of the room, there was no crying or whimpering. Silence. Before they took me down they asked me if I wanted to be next. We were both dragged and thrown down on a shower floor where two ladies washed us up. I couldn’t stand and the water was only on cold. First the child then me. The child was put on the side of the room, still no movement. You didn’t have to be a doctor to see he was dead. My ass, legs, thighs, stomach, and chest was purple. Any colors I was the child was double. I had been part of a snuff film.

Any picture taken of any of us here exposed or played with in any way has been digitized. Don’t be misled by the naivety or inexperience of even a therapist. It’s all out there. Google is our witness and Wikipedia documents it all.

Many thoughts, even over the past couple of weeks has brought me to the brink. Two badly failed attempts when I was 14 years old and one bus that just never come by after I was already three months in therapy. In 2016.
 
((((((( lapchinj )))))))
 
Thank you, @Toad for this post. I was most likely "recorded" (pics/film) during the Trafficking Sessions (ages 6-8). No proof, but that seems to be commonplace during these type of events, apparently. It is horrific to think those pics/films may still be out there.
 
Horrific to think but I know from police investigation stuff nearly 20 years old was around of me from my teens so .......
I just don't think about it no more

Peace to those that may need it in there healing journey

HL
 
You know lapchinj,

I think I had some difficult times growing up. But, whatg you describe is unconncionible (sp). It makes me
unable to find the words to offer succor for your recovery. I have had 33 years of therapy and medication. I still
get so I want to die. I can't imagine.

And I have had a lot. My father molesting my daughter and her blaming me for five years.Then getting a better
memory. By then my father was 4 years dead. My little brother holding me responsible for ejaculating on his belly when
he was 8 (it was my older brother). Plenty of trauma and unjustified guilt (Like you had the power to keep that boy alive.)

Still ((((lapchinj)))) if or when I can help, let me know. And thanks for offering, TOAD AND hEALING LIGHT, AND n N C
survivor, and every one.
 
lapchinj, those struggles hit hard, and I support your sharing. Being well with so much? I'm sorry that's happened. I know that can be shared with we who understand. Whether some mod has other ideas, who knows?
 
This is so horrific I just can't fathom it. I sorry you endured such torture. I'm glad you survived & shared it.That other poor boy.... I hoope those perps burn in hell for eternity. I'm sorry, it's so upsetting.
Hey HL,

The organization I’m referring to has a long sordid history and will be in business as long as they can control people. I don’t think that papasan was part of that organization because the people who owned and ran the gay bars where I lived in the west village as a 10 year old prostitute were all “wacked” in the ‘70s and ‘80s. Quit obvious who they are.

I’m sorry that you were groomed and done at such an early age. Your age of 3 will hit me once I get home from work and I can see a good cry coming. I don’t remember much about my life before 8 with my so called parents because I spent most of my time at a neighbor lady’s house and her daughter who was my age. I’m still trying to piece that part of my life together. But what I want to bring out that I have preschool pictures with her that were all naked but we are happy and playing around together or coloring. The mother came from a time where the only clothes we had were for going out. As we got a little older I saw we had some clothes but no shoes, socks or shirts. Swimming was always in the nude We were given baths together. But we were happy and very innocent.

At home back then with my parents my mother told me that I would stand in front of her and tell her I wanted to run away. She told this “funny” story of how I would always try and run away. She even told my wife and kids how funny that was. I think it’s sick. A three year old wants to run away. When my mother would chase me out of the house I know now where I went to.

There is two types of nakedness in 3 year olds or even 8 year olds. Your’s I’m trying to get my head around. It will hit me by the time I get home.

This whole thread on on child swapping is very hard for me But I intend on getting through the whole thread by Sunday when I go back to work. I have to stop now I’m getting a little out of hand

Speak later
 
You know lapchinj,

I think I had some difficult times growing up. ... I have had 33 years of therapy and medication. I still
get so I want to die. I can't imagine.

And I have had a lot. My father molesting my daughter and her blaming me for five years.Then getting a better
memory. By then my father was 4 years dead. My little brother holding me responsible for ejaculating on his belly when
he was 8 (it was my older brother). Plenty of trauma and unjustified guilt (Like you had the power to keep that boy alive.)

Still ((((lapchinj)))) if or when I can help, let me know. And thanks for offering, TOAD AND hEALING LIGHT, AND n N C
survivor, and every one.

Hey Genedebs,

I only broke down on January 4 2011 when I was walking uptown to try and catch bus out of NYC after jury duty downtown for the state. Those were huge buildings. I didn't know where I was until I saw the Empire State Building up one of the avenues and I started walking north. I got as far as 6th ave, Bleecker, and Minetta meet and I was stuck to the sidewalk at around 5pm for 45 minutes while I dissolved into my 11-12 year old prostitute self. It was like my life just ended. Till then I never had therapy, shrinks or meds. I spent from the age of 24 till then hiding my past so well that I hid it from myself until that moment I will never forget. About 3 weeks ago I stopped all doctors, therapists and meds. Not a good idea but hopefully I'm going to make it out the other end of this tunnel. Still looks like a train at the other end of the tunnel and if it is so be it.

I had no memory of my life before age 9 when my parents moved from Massapequa, Long Island to Hempstead, Long Island. I guess I was suppressing the memories of living with my parents, mostly my mother (the bitch of NY). After taking my parents albums earlier this year witch only had around 18 pics of me from newborn to about 6 or 7. None were taken of me afterwards but the ones taken with my parents weren't taken by my parents. I found there also about 5 pics of me at the neighbor lady's house. I don't remember the last name or the first name of her daughter. So I see that I did have a nice childhood till the age of 8. So I'm putting more and more things together every day. I don't think that if I hadn't been able to forget I would not have had a none abused family. And I would definitely would not be here altogether. I have to be thankful for that.

When I read posts like yours here I'm So thankful that I can look back at a time I was happy. That generally away from my mother. Being able to start piecing back my pre 8 year old days and seeing that I had a time of happiness. The mood instantly changes once I read a post like yours I see there are so many guys here where shit started at 3. Then the mood goes even further south when I realize the shear destruction of childrens precious childhood.

Gotta stop, sorry
 
When I was 12 at my mother's direction I stripped slowly for her photographer friend. Although he took pictures at every step of undressing, I did not get anxious about it until I was naked. And after a while naked I had an erection and hid behind a chair. My mother had me get back into full view naked.
Mothers can be vicious just like fathers. My mother called the police Yesterday on me because of a shouting match we had. She is now happily our of my life. I won't go into detail but when I was a preschooler she would run after me, for whatever aggravation I caused her. If I got to the bathroom I was able to go down the laundry chute and out the basement window. if she caught me she would bare ass me and hit me until I was red and could not sit. When I was 12 she was still giving me baths. I could wash but it did me no good because she would take the ruffest washcloth she had and make me stand and she would start scrubbing (till I was red). If I got an erection she would slap it until it went down. I was already a prostitute since I was 10 but not for her. I think it she was just controlling me. my therapist said there was CSA also because of other shit she did. But he also said that children the age of 12 do not take baths as a general rule. My mother never asked me to strip for pics only for baths, enemas, and beatings.

Then she told him to cut the pictures down. I asked my mother why. She said so I would not be embarrassed when I was older.
...It was a picture taken when I was naked but it only went down to my belly.
That was sweet of her. I see she wasn't worried about taking full-length naked pics. Nice lady. Sounds like those photos didn't stay as home photos in a family album but were passed around or sold even. And if that's the case then they're on the internet. I'm not saying that to freak you out but that shit no matter how innocent finds it's way onto the net. I don't think that a photoshoot of a 12-year-old's striptease is so innocent anyway. In a home photo album maybe yeah.

The therapist would not work with me until a presented evidence of my mother abusing me as well.
WTF. Is the T working for the police or trying to help you with your trauma. I would lose that T in an instant

At 37, I was flooded by the terror of physical, sexual, and emotional abuse. I understood the pain for the first time. ...(He hit each of us kids at least once a month and my mother at least once a week.
It had to come back at some time to haunt you. It wasn't until I was 60 that I accidentally walked through my old haunts in the Greenwich Village in Manhattan where papasan (my surrogate father and lover) had an apartment for us kids. I stood for 45 minutes frozen on that corner just absorbing what I was seeing and remembering that whole life in full technicolor.

I sure hope that you're in a safer place now. MS is a big help but therapy and meds, if needed, have to go hand in hand. I'm sorry about your marriage but a boozed-up marriage doesn't really fly well. Did you have any kids?

I wonder why she wanted that picture. Maybe she knew it bothered you.
 
lapchinj, those struggles hit hard, and I support your sharing. Being well with so much? I'm sorry that's happened. I know that can be shared with we who understand. Whether some mod has other ideas, who knows?
I had written to the mods about some of the replies I made but never got any response. So either it's vacation time there or they're OK with it. I'm not here to test my boundaries and the mods are a bunch of great guys and unfortunately have their own stories.

My mission these days is not to freak people out but to show people that their shit has to be talked about. People have to get that stuff off their chests. Before I got here I knew very well what was going on in the streets of NYC. But MS has opened my eyes to the epidemic it really was and still is all over the world. A real eye-opener for me.

I try and use the "TRIGGER" notation when necessary. If they would ask me to stop then I won't argue with anyone and I will try my best to stay within the boundaries of the site. People must know what happened to kids especially in this forum. This forum was not just the abuse of a child but the abuse of a child for money. I was forced into making movies where I (14) and other children (preschool through 10?) were abused and one that I knew was murdered and the guilt passed onto me which I cannot shake off. People say that I wasn't responsible. I know they are correct and mean well but it's like so many people who have not heard stories like ours tell me to get over it. If it was that easy I wouldn't have even been here, nor would this site be here.

Children are ruined for life all over the world for money and for some a-hole's pleasure of watching this shit. While I only saw one movie of me being electrocuted which was to show me that if I didn't do what I was supposed to do I would be severely punished. The other child would be brutally punished. Remembering the scenes that were made with me are horrible, horrendous, disgusting and still very triggering for me. No normal person would ever look at such shit and kids lives should be destroyed making that shit.

This CSA shit goes up the ladder to British royalty (Saville), the presidency (Epstein) the movie moguls (Weinstein) and every place in between. I was just reading about the history of the Civil War here in America and there was a great general named Rober E. Lee who said that if the carnage of war wasn't shown to be how horrible it was war would become commonplace. MS is full of the carnage of the CSA wars and ruined and dead bodies of children. If we don't tell our stories people will say "get over it" or "that shit doesn't happen". If Corey Feldman can put his life on the line trying to get the word out about the CSA environment in the film industry the least I can do is talk about my past.

Thank you for your post. it sort of lets me talk to explain why I'm coming back here a little. If there is opposition I'll have to find another outlet.
 
I am also a victim of child abuse imagery and I just cannot fathom anymore the concept of my photos and videos still being out there. There is nothing that we can do. Perhaps, given the intensity and history of police investigations of this crime worldwide, our images are cataloged somewhere by trusted law enforcement, Interpol, etc...
Just imagine the people that have to go through all that shit. I wonder how they can go home after work and have a normal family life. I would imagine that they have medical services looking after their mental health. A horrible job.
 
I was in my teens just about to marry when my brother held out my first nephew to me "hey Bruva your an uncle look"...

I could not cope with that title... I had hoped after all the practice now I would be able to put it all aside and take the title with pride but I couldn't

I'm have one bio son and one son that's my partner's bio son
too these two boys I'm dad part of the reason I'm here on ms is them two I want and need to be the best I can be for them and I offen feel like I'm winging it because I has no idea how to be a dad

I was a very late bloomer. I was called girly in high school and cunt in the movies. I was stripped naked in the high school lunchroom because those 4 guys wanted to see my pussy. and a lot of things in between. I was even told to open my pants once when I was brought to one john's apartment. I was pushed into a marriage because of the environment I found myself in once I got out of the game at 24. I had 6 kids and a bunch of grandchildren. I would not come out as gay now, what for. I will not put my kids into danger. I'll die in the closet or my dungeon. I don't have to shake up my family any more than I've done already.

I never knew how to be a husband but I guess it worked out in the end. I wish I could have been a parent but that's not because I'm gay. I never heard the slang "Bruva" and I guess it was a hit on you and your partner. If you can love your two boys then you are loving parents. enjoy your kids and don't let anything get in the way of that. I can get along with my kids these days because they are all grown and most have their own families. I was never able to be with my kids as children and now I see I cannot be with my grandchildren. I cry constantly about not being able to play with them. I'm so happy that my wife is a "great" person and it seems she did a perfect job and now she is a "great" grandparent. Being a parent is being involved with your kids. Be part of them. Besides what does dad mean anyway?
 
There are powerful and corrupt people running the child porn business and the rest of it. Drugs you can only sell once. A kid over and over. And pictures and video's of kids over and over anywhere in the world. So even as a kid living in the middle of nowhere. You really aren't safe. There is too much money to be made.
The bottom line with child porn and drugs is to make money, lots of money. Yeah, drugs area one time deal. Kids can also be that way but usually, they are used up and then discarded. I found out in Dec. 2015 somewhere near Christmas that I was adopted. I found out in January 2017 that Imy DNA wasn't even European but from Norway area. A second DNA test I took about two months ago before my father died and I wasn't born in the USA. I was born somewhere around Trondheim, Norway. I was trafficked as a newborn to NYC and to my parents. So even as a baby, I was being sold. and my parents didn't know how to be parents. Even my birth certificate was falsified that I was born in the USA. It's all about money and there are so many ways to make money using kids
 
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