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If the moderators say no to posting this, which I think would be wrong, but this is a site for healing. It’s just that I get ticked off with people who say “get over it” or something similar. But porn has to be the worst disease that is a major killer of children and as us as adults. If management lets me I would at least like to make this private but invite any one to come read it.
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I wanted this to be short but I was ticked off that a therapist refused to believe in digitizing old pics and movies. He should change his profession.
I was being taken pictures of since I was 8. I won’t get into too much but my boyfriends sister had an expensive camera and took pictures of us “frolicking” around with each other. She would sell those pics to the boy magazines which could be bought at the newsstands in manhattan! She did the B&W prints in her basement lab. Her color pics were “sent out” to anprofessional lab. The only people that developed color pics and film was the mafia back in the ‘50s and ‘60s.
The main camera she used was a Rolleicord built between 1958 and 1961. I have a picture of my boyfriend holding it taking pictures. I know how old he was in the picture so I found a group of guys on the web who collect those cameras on the net. The gave me the manufacturing dates of each camera version. Way cool. It would have been nice to have the serial# but hey I found the camera. It wasn’t the top of the line Rolleiflex but it also took beautiful pics, I still have many of them. Had to trash a lot though. Too sick.
I took a shitload of Those pictures when I got out of the USAF in ‘72 but I was discharged at the end of the war in’75. They stayed in the bottom of my duffel bag until around 2014.
I always thought my professional career as a prostitute started when I was 11-1/2 but looking at pics that I have show I was only around 10. I loved the guy that sold me. He was my surrogate father and I called him papasan. He called me Kiku which is Japanese for chrysanthemum and when I went on dates with johns that was the name I was known by. My parents were shit to me. There were 4 of us in the village apartment when I was 12 and my boyfriend was a year younger than me but I loved him (yeah I’m gay). Met him When I was 10, that would have made him 9. The two other kids in the room were street kids. Bobby and I were too naive to be allowed alone on the street. We did dates and the two street kids did tricks. Maybe we were worth doing dates.
I slept with johns for weekends and trips sometimes on private planes. Was taken on excursions for a couple of weeks at a time for some nature photography with me as one of the animals. I was taken many times with Bobby also. To go to canada in those years you simply drove across the border and I was always the john’s son or something. Beautiful country and wilderness
It would be too long to tell of my year and a half in the movies. But one of those movies ended up, whether on purpose or by accident, to be a snuff movie. It is this movie that has brought me to the brink many times and I think that is the way it end at some point. It was my fault that I couldn’t beat this 8(?) year old like I was supposed to and he paid the price. He died because of me.
When I was 14 I was dragged into a huge Mafia operation on Long Island which made those movies. According to the Newsday newspaper there were 5 of those horror houses during my years - Hempstead, Valley Stream, Rockville Center and the last two I forget. All in Nassau county on Long Island. My step parents lived in Hempstead but I don’t know where I was taken. My parents were to inolved with themselves to see what was going on with me for 15 years. Why I disappeared for a couple of weeks. The only reason I graduated high school was that I went to a high priced private school and they had the money to get me promoted and finally graduated. (I didn’t go to my graduation and neither did my parent but I’m getting off subject)
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At first I thought that I was being trained to be a model. I quickly found out that I was to beat and rape little children like 6,8,10 years old. But it wasn’t all about me beating kids, the movie people loved beating me also. This was the worst 1-1/2 year of my life and I still suffer from it very badly. If you ask why I beat little kids all I can say is that if I didn’t do what I was told to do or hesitated in any way the child was beaten brutally for my failures.
I was already electricuted the first week I was there when I was told to rape two very young children (4, 5?) and I hesitated. I never knew that children that young were raped or beaten. I was about to find out differently. I was flipped on my back had a rod shoved up my ass and they turned on the juice very slowly. The next week when when I came they showed me the movie of the beating and electrocution. There were multiple camera men taking stills and movies. After showing me the movie they brought me back into the room and those same two kids were there sitting on the bed. This time when they put one of them in front of me that child was raped, I raped them both. I was just elevated to the highest level of human animal. None human real animals don’t do that. I usually never saw the same kid more than once. 99% of the kids I faced were boys. The electrocution movie was a mind fuck but but the size of those two children make me sick. I’m going to spot with that.
I’m sure movies like this are worthy of digitizing for the sick of mind. Movies with Marlon Brandow(?sp), John Wayne, etc are still watched so why not our shit. Because a therapist said there is just too much porn being made today is crap. There in never too much sick child porn. Movies of infants were being made back then also. To back all this up there were news articles of babies as young as 6 months being sold for sex and one case I read where a sicko flew to California to rape an6 month old child. It’s just that only a very few people were brought to justice back then. If is well known that the NYPD was owned by the mafia when I was a child in the ‘50s and ‘60s. Go read about it in WikiPedia or go Goggle it. No secrets today.
If you ask why I didn’t so no to these two. I was afraid of the way I would die. Beatings would have been acceptable but slow electrocution is horrible and I was only 14.
In order to make us listen or move faster while doing a movie take we were shot with paper clips from rubber band between their fingers. Remember that shit. Besides spitballs in school we shot other kids with paper clips. Hurts bad when shot on a bare ass or on your junk. By these fucks it alway drew a little blood. It’s the sort of thing used to wake someone out of a trance really quick
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Sometime during that year and a half I was the cause of death of a child around 8(?). Again I was not being brutal enough. After about a 1/2 to 3/4 hour of beating this kid and me being beaten (just trying to do my job), two steroid fueled bodybuilders took us both and hung us up by our wrists about 10feet apart facing each other in the gym(torture room). We were already bleeding, crying and me drugged. I guess they didn’t give drugs to little kids. They didn’t want those children doped up against pain. I was doped up because they were able to control me better. Sick. We were beaten very viscously. I watched the kid scream and cry while gagging for breath until it all slowly stopped. Then the piss just started running out of him and ran down his legs. I will never forget his eyes. They took him down and laid him in a heap on a side of the room, there was no crying or whimpering. Silence. Before they took me down they asked me if I wanted to be next. We were both dragged and thrown down on a shower floor where two ladies washed us up. I couldn’t stand and the water was only on cold. First the child then me. The child was put on the side of the room, still no movement. You didn’t have to be a doctor to see he was dead. My ass, legs, thighs, stomach, and chest was purple. Any colors I was the child was double. I had been part of a snuff film.
Any picture taken of any of us here exposed or played with in any way has been digitized. Don’t be misled by the naivety or inexperience of even a therapist. It’s all out there. Google is our witness and Wikipedia documents it all.
Many thoughts, even over the past couple of weeks has brought me to the brink. Two badly failed attempts when I was 14 years old and one bus that just never come by after I was already three months in therapy. In 2016.