Hi. As lapchinj said it is shorthand for the adult people who adopted me around or just before I turned 3 years old. I call their children the hell spawn. They had four of them. The oldest was male, he was 11 years older. Then another male 9 years older. A female 8 years older and the last was another female 5 years older. They were all my abusers. Best wishes. Scottie
I assume being adopted just made them treat you worse on top of the fact as you said they were “hell spawn”. There parents probably raised them to be that. Sorry you had to grow up in such an environment. At least you know you are not alone, sadly. It has really helped me being here in knowing others can understand and provide support.
Yeah, that sucks and it's probably a good thing you don't remember the earliest abuse.
Hi. The family was very dysfunctional, hateful. The adults did not like and seemed at times to hate each other. Constant fights and threats. Their kids had picked up and learned from the adults. The male did not want me and made that clear. The female did, her father paid the costs I understand. I call them the hell spawn because of the abuse they heaped on me. I was the target with no way to defend my self and no one to help. The male and the hell spawn were abusive from the start. I slept in a hallway without a bed. I had a thin mat with blankets. The female at first was nurturing but liked to cuddle me with both of us nude. She also used me for her pleasure. She was less physically abusive but just as emotionally and sexually as the rest.
Hi Jeff. Thank you. Your reaching out to me has been wonderful for me. In a few days when I am feeling better I would like your advice with making a post of one of my punishments as at child I was forced to endure. But I have not mastered the way to create a thread or maybe if there is already one to put my abuse on that others have started. Thanks in advance. Best wishes and hugs. Scottie
Hi Jeff. All the words you have written help. You and those here who reply and comment help. I won't ever be able to lose or be free of those memories. I tried when younger locking them in a chest in my mind wrapping it in the largest chains I could imagine, and throwing it into the deepest oceans. Yet they still broke out and rose up to attack me. I have learned the trick is not to deny them or hide from them, but to admit them, talk about them. That helps take the sting, the pain of them way. Here on this community I can do it safely. And I have wonderful people such as yourself who ask questions to help me explore the issues and depths of the pain before they can become abscesses that fester into something worse. In a weird way knowing I was not alone, that others had to endure what I did and they also survived does help. I grieve they went through it, they suffered it, but also I was not the only one. For so long in my life I hid my abuse thinking I was the only one, and I was going to be seen as damaged goods if people knew. Here I learn that is wrong. Thank you, and thank the entire community. Best wishes, hugs for those that wish them. Scottie
Thank you for posting this. Even as a child when the therapist with my file would try to help me my thoughts were I must not tell and that they wouldn't understand. I did not realize as a child they did understand, they knew what those bruise meant, they knew what the strange reactions I had to certain movements by adults meant. Sadly unlike here in the movie clip, they couldn't reassure me nor comfort me. Best wishes. Scottie
I think that it's safe for me to say that we can get rid of the pain that is attached to memories but the memories will always be there with us. Memories are our past we cannot avoid them but there is no law that says that memories of horrors past must come together with the pain of those horrors. Memories can be remembered naked without any feelings. Memories can pop up with happy feelings of times past. But there is nothing that says a memory of a bad time in our past must come along with the horrors of those past events.
Papasan tried very hard not to let me get bruised up, but with gigs like the parties, it was almost impossible not to get bruised up. I would just answer to a question about my bruises that it was due to my activity in the sports of judo and gymnastics.
Sharing not only stories but sharing the horrors and feelings of those stories is very important, but we have to be careful not to trigger anyone
this scene I barely got through, I felt every its not your fault, even though I kept going back and fault was a coat that I put on for years that never fit.
