Not Wanted/Damaged Goods

Not Wanted/Damaged Goods
A

andrew76

Registrant
Just another day in paradise and feeling like i am not wanted wife told therapist she wants a divorce and I as well told the therapist the same exact thing however the therapist asked us to wait out on the divorce until we knew more on my medical side for what and why who knows.

My medical is so of kilter that I might as well throw in the towel doctors want to do another surgery on my neck to remove what ever they can of the cancer in my neck then leave me on medications the rest of my life if i survive.My lung they want to radiate so I get to glow in the dark some more due to all the nuclear material I was around in the navy.

Life is just a big bowl of cherries turning into sour lemons real quick and no way to turn the lemons into lemonade no energy and no way to sweeten the juice.God why am I still alive why not just take me and stop screwing with my head and emotions I am so ready to go feeling like nothing left to hang around for even though yes I have friends and family members and brothers here I am at an inpass where no light at end of tunnel and feeling like 100mph with no way of stopping before hitting the wall even with a therapist things aren't helping just hindering more and prolonging the inevitable.My time is up and I hope I have made an impact on those that I have cared about and those that cared about me I surely hope they will remember who I was and what I tried to stand for so long before the fight in me just could not go on. the towel is up and ready to hit the ground just a matter of time before everything in final.

My wife has been abusing me now for many years during fights and heated conversations at one time she had a knife in her hand and surely I thought she was going to do something with it so I called a family member to help get me out of the situation instead the family member called the cops so I gave the cops the song and dance and they left did not want to see my wife that I cared for then go to jail so I have just taken the beatings even during the time of recovery from my surgeries to my neck and back after my fusion operations.I guess since she has turned me into damaged goods now she just wants to toss me aside and go and be with someone else and be happy the way I look at this so be it if she thinks things are rosier on another side of the street then go ahead and leave me I really don't care anymore I probably will be better on my own without all the abuse.
 
Andrew. I am so very sorry to read your pain. I can only offer support and I know that everyone else here feels the same way.

I think, at this time, the most important person in your life is you. PLease do not give up. I cannot begin to understand how you are feeling and if I could I would take on some of your pain. Just know that we are all here for you.
 
Andrew, none of us can even be near what you must be going through, and we all wish that God is looking after you.

I hope you can get through this pain and hurt. I will say a prayer for you and have good wishes that you can be safe.

I really hope it all gets better for you,

ste
 
Andrew - I don't have religious faith, but I do have faith in the human spirit. Faith in oneself - can share that, but it's the best I can do.

Best wishes ..Rik
 
Andrew,

Gawd your life sounds tough! I just can't imagine what living your life would be like. Although many of us have had very negative issues related to our abuse, I'm sure that your situation is probably more challenging than most.
I don't mean to be unsupportive or unsympathetic when I ask this, Andrew, but have you noticed how deeply entrenched you are in the "victimization role?" I know this role very well for I have been in this role many times. When I catch myself spiraling down in this role, I get my paper of "Irrational Ideas" out and review them. I got these from my therapist and find them helpful. I'm posting them here for you to look over. Look at numbers 6 and 7. I hope they help....iansMe

Irrational Ideas

New Guide To Rational Living: Albert Ellis & Robert Harper

1. The idea that there is a way that things should be.

2. The idea that you must have sincere love and approval almost all the time from all the people important
to you.

3. The idea that you must prove yourself thoroughly competent, adequate and achieving.

4. The idea that people who harm you or hurt you rate as generally bad, wicked, or villainous individuals
and that you should blame, damn, and punish them.

5. The idea that life proves awful, terrible, horrible, or catastrophic when things do not go the way you
would like them to go.

6. The idea that emotional misery comes from external pressure and that you have little ability to
control your feelings or rid yourself of depression and hostility.

7. The idea that if something seems dangerous or fearsome, you must become terribly occupied with
and upset about it.

8. The idea that you will find it easier to avoid facing many of lifes difficulties and self-responsibilities
than to undertake more rewarding forms of self-discipline.

9. The idea that your past remains all-important and that because something once strongly influenced
your life, it has to keep determining your feelings and behavior today.

10. The idea that people and things should turn out better than they do; and that you have to view it as awful
and horrible if you do not quickly find good solutions to lifes hassles.

11. The idea that you can achieve happiness by inaction or by passively enjoying yourself.

12. The idea that you must have a high degree of order or certainty to feel comfortable.

13. The idea that you can give yourself a global rating as a human and that your general worth and
self acceptance depend upon the goodness of your performance and the degree that people
approve of you.

14. The idea that doing something wrong makes you a failure.


Kents Favorite Ideas: (1) The message is always about the sender; (2) Feelings sometimes have no basis in reality meaning, just because you feel a certain way, does not mean that is actually what is happening (3) The fool who knows he is a fool is the lesser fool (4) Man is something that must be overcome
 
Andrew I can never imagine or relate to the degree of your pain and suffering. I just want to offer you what ever support I can.

Jonathan
 
I am working here with translator, pardon how it may write. I just wish to say, we read what you say, we both feel bad for your pain, and for the other difficulties your life faces right now. I wish there is advice to give to you. I will embrace you in my soul and wish for you to be better feeling soon.

VN
 
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