Not sure about this.

Not sure about this.
E

Elad

Registrant
My friend Leosha asked me why I never post to these boards so I think maybe I will try. I am shaking though. I thought that I had dealt with all of this years ago but no, there is more. I do not feel so safe here as you all seem to. I was abused by our neighbor from about 4 to 8. He did ... I am sorry. I don't know why this is so difficult for me right now. I did not tell anyone of the abuse for 30 years - no one. But I never forgot it. I told my wife finally. I have had therapy and dealt with it for a few years. I remember how bad it was at first dealing with the memories, curled up on the floor shaking and sick and not eating. Now I have these feelings agian but not as intense, yet in a strange way it feels good. It is like I needed a break for a few years and now it is time to work somemore. But I have memories of being hurt by other males I trusted after my first abuser so that I would not ever become close to males agian. So it is hard to post here. But look at all I wrote. Now if only I will post it!
 
Elad,

Like Leosha you are a brave man. It took courage to face your abuse, and it took courage to come here and post your message.

Welcome. Take your time, read some of the messages. Post when you want to post. I think you will see that this is a safe place, and then you will feel a little better about posting.

I am glad for you that you have done some work, and that you do not feel as bad as you once did. So you know that it is possible to find a healthy way to feel better. Maybe sometimes you and Leosha can help each other, and maybe sometimes you can get help by coming here.

Joe
 
Elad,
Welcome to this forum, and thank tou for posting.
I would like to respond to your post. You said,

"I do not feel so safe here as you all seem to."

Let me assure you that I did NOT feel safe here at first either. It took about 3+ Months of coming to this site just to read.

I think It was hard to post because I had to think about things in order to write it down, which, of course, is was not fun.

And also, for me, posting things here made the abuse seem more real. I could not deny the abuse to myself once I posted about it.

I have a couple rules that help me feel safe. I only use my name Blacken here, never any part of my real name. Never share personal info like an address or phone #. Why? 2 reasons. First, I need to feel completely in control of my info & who knows about. Keeping that control makes me feel I wont get used....which leads me to reason two. There are some real life, low down, scum bags out there, as we can all atest to. And I am sure they know about this site & are looking for personal info. I don't think I am being paranoid, I'm being realistic & safe. I don't want to come home and find a Perp in my house...

Take your time, there is not reason to feel pressured here. I have found very many great people here.

Blacken
 
Welcome aboard Elad!

The time is right for you to slay your demons, and we will help you hold the gun.................strong imagery I know, but pertinent. Take a deep breath, and say good-bye to the terrors of the past.

Ron
 
Elad,

Glad our friend Leosha has persuaded you to post here. You are in the right place for healing as a male survivor of sexual abuse. You seem to be taking the right steps to heal. You are very courageous. This is a very safe site. But if you ever feel unsafe here, or have any questions or comments, contact me or any of the moderators.

Take care

Victor
 
Thanks to all. I write poetry about my abuse sometimes. I post one today of what I can't stop thinking about.
 
Elad
the strength it takes to come here and share your pain is huge, I know.

But you will be respected here, you will get support and help.

Now I have these feelings agian but not as intense, yet in a strange way it feels good. It is like I needed a break for a few years and now it is time to work somemore.
Click to expand...
Yes, it sounds like that time, and we're here to help.

Dave
 
Elad,

It is really amazing isn't it? I know that most of us would do acts of bravery at the drop of a hat. Let someone try something with our partners or our kids or somebody else's kids. I could be a raging lion. I'll bet there is not a guy here who would not lay down his life to protect someone he loves.

But.............

but...........

come here and post.............

geez......that's............another matter.

Tell you what's in my past, tell you how I shake........

is it the little boy I was?


Little boys that we WERE, Elad.

We got a lot of strong brothers here.

You've heard some of them. Come back, post, feel the power and strength from these guys.

It's down right infectious.


They embolden us.

Feel the love.

Power to you, Elad.

Be strong,

David
 
Hello Elad, I am glad you find yourself here. But I do not mean to make you come here, I just was curious why you do not post at place like this. I hope that we both can be helped and help more here. I wish you peace in your mind.
 
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