Not here for awhile

[Mark R]

Hi...I haven't been here for awhile...nothing to do with anything about here or my last post...just trying to figure things out. I am back in therapy and it is helping me realise that just because I wasn't physically abused, that the psychological abuse I suffered is/was real. And just because it was my parents and they had no idea what they were doing...it is still abuse. So, I'm back in therapy...a very good place. I've lost some 90 pounds...I guess I needed all that protection. But, I am still alone. I thought maybe this is just my role to be alone...but I don't want that. I want to find someone I can share my life with. The bars, the clubs, the chat rooms aren't the places to find friends and lovers. But I don't know where else to find people. I haven't had a sexual partner since 1985. It just seems I can't meet anyone. This is NOT a request for such from this site. I just need some support being alone and some ideas on how to meet guys who are not hazardous to my emotional well-being. I'm glad I'm back. Thanks

 

[Mark R]

Thanks for the support John. I've met with pondboy. What gets me is that I'm not shy, I've always had an active social life, I'm outgoing and usually pretty gregarious. I signed up on a local gay "connection" website and met a nice guy...for movies, dinner, etc. Within a few months he moved to be near his mother who is getting on in years. I've done the volunteer route, took college classes. I am on disability for a rare arthritis, so I don't work. I know part of this is comparing now and here to when I was in NYC from 1969-85...so many friends, lovers, sex partners. I sometimes feel I used up all my chances...But I do know I can come in here and at least get some support. I wish there was a gay men's group nearby, but maybe I will have to travel to find one. I am trying to be with these feelings...I know that's important. I hope we both find ourselves in a "good place" with some friends that we can appreciate and who appreciate us. Mark

 

[bosishere]

good a.m.,guys. well it is Monday 4 Nov.,and when I went to MaleSurvivor I see that more changes have been made since I last brought up these files last Thursday. Luckly I have saved what the home office sent me about five months ago when more changes were made and they did the same as last night, I, and I believe all were logged off. So what does all of the foregoing have to do with your two posts, to my mind the thought is like the subject of Mark's first post- NOT HERE FOR AWHILE. This is the first post I hae made on either file for about three or four (3 or 4) months, and I just don't know what the hell is going on with my life, my association with other people and or life in general. I have been with a therapist for the last two years, and they tell me the time there is coming to an end. Last week the therapist got out his file and went back to the first several months, and each week I was crying, thowing things around, and yelling. As I told him "at least I have made some progress." I told him that being there each week is about all of what I have. I have for a year tried to get a part time job because under Social Security Dissabability rules I can only earn $700.00 gross a month with out SS decreasing my dissability. To date no luck and effective 1 Mar. 2003 my rent will go to at least $1250.00 PER MONTH, so I really don't know what the hell to do. So all of this brings me back to Mark's title of his post - NOT HEAR FOR A WHILE. I am fast getting to that feeling, but the "a while" may be longer. So to end this post on a good note, as SoCalJohn say, we have to each "each hang in there." Bos