Not from the past

[missingmyself]

I can not understand how a human being can intentially inflict harm on another human being. Is ther no value in life?

I have felt so alone, I can't go to work, I can't sleep, I smoke a lot, I am an emotional butter ball. I feel like a part of myself is wondering around some where lost and I have been left with a walking frame. How do you handle the nights?

 

[reality2k4]

Hi missingmyself,

It is hard to know why people really want to hurt another, especially when the other is defenceless against the aggressor.

It seems that some people are closer to the primaeval state, the wild state that is within each and every one of us.

I am sorry you are hurting, it is not easy, but you have this place to share it, if nothing else.

You are still YOU deep down inside, so don't forget that, discover yourself, you sound like someone who is really good to know.

Hey, that can't be bad. Place the blame on those who should shoulder the guilt, and lessen it on yourself. It was never YOUR fault.

Sleeping can be hard. Breathing exercises and exercise, along with a lot of other things can be beneficial. I find that listening to relaxing music helps me to get relaxed before sleeping.

Try to feel better about yourself, it does get easier, even if you can't see that now,

I promise,

ste

 

[FlyWM]

There is no answer to your question, there is no way to know why a person would purposely hurt another, there is no logic behind it, there is no way to explain, except that some people are just that sick and twisted, what makes them that way? your guess is as good as mine, but as long as we don't sink to their levels, as long as we take care of people, that is the important thing.

I have a hard time working sometimes too, can't sleep much, scared of so many different things, but I have survived, and I'll be damned if I will let it rule my life forever, we just need to steel ourselves, keep focused on being healthy and helpful humans. How do I handle the stuff? Sometimes I plain refuse to, other times, I just focus on the present, keep myself so busy none of the past can rear its ugly head. Just keep plugging away, just keep going, and be yourself. Pretending doesn't help, just be you, when you need to fall apart, let it happen, that's all you can do, just be you in the present and you will make it through.

Peace,
Scott

 

[Michael]

I have never understood sadistic tendencies either. Sexual or non-sexual.

I am sure that both of my abusers felt they were very caring. Hell, I even told myself that because of that there must have been no damage from their actions to me. Boy was I WRONG!!!

For some people I think that they must hurt or dominate others because they feel so small and insignificant themselves. Maybe it is just a fact that a certain per centage of the population is going to be dominated by the evil side of human nature.

As for myself, all I can control is my actions and my reactions to others actions towards me. That is the part I am working on now; getting back in control of myself.

Just my thoughts. I just hope my ramblings help in some way.

 

[Mike Church]

Wow. Harm and sadistic shit. I can understand what it does to you cause it happened virtually all my life till I was 21 and then I would go looking for it afterwards (You know coping).

I think it is because people can do it that they do do it. I have no desire at all to go into the mind of those kinds of people.

I do know that over time harm and sadism can become addictive to the victim. Maybe it does for the agressor too. I dont give a shit about them though.

 

[Brayton]

I think that it may be that a majority of people have been abused in some way, sexually, physically, and/or emotionally, all in different ways and to different degrees.

In other words, I no longer feel alone/isolated in my experiences.

I believe that there are emotionally injured people who have not been held accountable and been treated for their injury and, consequently, derive some kind of pleasure (perhaps it is even a kind of relief) from inflicting similar injury on others, often the most vulnerable.

I am interested in knowing why they do the things they do but I have no compassion for them and even on those rare occassions when they take responsibility for what they have done and ask for forgiveness, I am very skeptical.

I also believe that there are, in fact, truly evil people in the world.

I have to think only of all the orphaned children in Indonesia, Sri Lanka, India, etc. and how they are now being exploited purely for financial gain, to find an example of pure evil.

And those who buy these children to use in what are probably god-awful ways are equally evil.

What comfort can I offer you? I am caught up in the pain and suffering of all this, too. My life has been and is utterly taken up with it and this for practically 50 years.

I agree that nights are especially horrible for some reason. Is it a feeling of vulnerability that comes with the dark and shadows? Is it because that is when the abuse or much of it occured?

I resist sleep. My therapist doesn't quite understand and she is a very knowledgeable therapist. She says I have to get more sleep and, logically, that is true. She suggests one medication over another because it does not induce dreams so much.

But, it isn't only dreams/nightmares. When I am awake I am aware of 'ghosts' lurking in the shadows. Some are parts of myself, hurt and hiding.

And the perps lurk, faceless, powerful, and mean, formless evil presences.

I can't begin to describe the emotional pain that I often feel. There is no comfort for it, no friend or lover I feel safe sharing it with and believing that would not help anyway.

I like your stubborness. I believe that is what has kept me alive all these years. Bewildered, in great pain, on the verge of suicide over and over again, I have miraculously found the stamina to stand pretty firm against it and push it aside, at least temporarily. The resiliency of human beings is remarkable and a resource not to be overlooked or unacknowledged.

Hang in and come here often.

 

[parttimecop]

Some people are just evil. Or to put it better they are so given over to evil impulses that they do not care about others, sociopaths. They want to feel good no matter what happens to anybody(themselves included, people are often self destructive).