Not feeling down, but

I am doing ok. Except that I feel my head is about to explode. Thoughts, memories, emotions and such.

Like so much input. And limited storage space. Not depressed, but I can't seem to keep my mind quiet.

I wake up in the night with the thinking and memories it is very hard to go back to sleep. Hence, I am always very tired.

Is this because I am still so new to this? Or is the flood because I am finally facing all of this?

I write ferociously because I am trying to sort out what seems like fragments that I can only bring together when I write.

Marc

 

[MikeNY]

I think that most of us have gone through the flood. It appears when you open the doors. I can only speak for myself and a few others, but I know that when we(including you) opened those doors and started learning and confronting all of this we went at it full speed. Trying to get everything that we could as fast as we could. That causes the effect that you are talking about. It lets so much in all at once that it can be overwhelming. Once you have worked with these things and put them in their places, you will probably move a little slower with the healing process, and everything will stabalize some. Good luck.

 

[Dale English]

Hi Marc,

You raise some very important issues in our post and your questions remind me of the period in my life when the very same things were happening to me.

How often did I ask the "what is 'really' happening" question? The answer always was, "Well, it could be %$#@ or then again it could be @#$%". In other words, who the hell knows for sure? Not me!

For what it's worth, my take is this. First, whether you're a "newbie" survivor or not, you're
under a lot of stress. Second, you've not been on your meds for a while so your systems are operating all on their own without the benefit of the meds. That could explain the racing thoughts and general hyper frame of mind. If I didn't take my Paxil for a week or two, I'd be in the same boat as you right now. But with it, I have some balance in my life and am capable of juggling more with greater ease.

And speaking of balance, right now it sounds like the tail is waging the dog. Instead of making choices about how you want to go about this long term recovery process, it's running you ragged. When I was going through this, I would try to focus on relaxation through reading Calvin & Hobbs or The Far Side story books, watch Disney kid videos, take naps when I felt tired, as much if not more than focusing on getting all this stuff straight through my journaling. There's nothing wrong with writing nor working hard on your process. But remember that recovery is also about time off, time with friends, movies, ice cream, laughter, etc.

Choices? Again, if it were me, I'd suggest 1) meds; and 2) events that help you slow down and decompress. After you do some of this, you'll probably have a clearer answer to the question "what's happening?"

My best to you Marc and thank you for helping me keep my own memories green.

Taz

 

[Lloydy]

Marc
the 'flood' is something we go through, and it's overwhelming at times. There's just too much stuff and not enough brain !

So chill out sometimes, find something that occupies your mind and takes you away from all this crap. My off-roading did / does it for me, I can go the whole day without my abuse entering my head; and I just love that feeling. And surprisingly it doesn't come rushing back with a bang either, it just seems to re-enter my thought pattern as though it had never been away. So there's no down side - for me anyway.

I'm a huge believer in doing something 'normal' while we go through our healing, and I would reccommend something that involves other people and makes us interact, even if it's playing chess.
That way our minds are active in a positive way and we don't have as much time to dwell on the negative stuff.
So, take up some long forgotton hobby or sport, learn a new one, learn a new language. Take notice of the old Nike slogan "Just do it !"

Dave

 

[yesac76]

Marc,
I am still dealing with the flood. It can seem overwhelming, but I have just floated along with the tide, and eventually things seem closer to normal again.

I also have sleeping issues. I have had them for almost 9 years. I am hoping they may begin to improve now that I am taking steps to heal myself. I also have to thank you for helping me along this path. It is rough and ugly, but I feel better knowing I have brothers out there who understand and support me.
CAsey