Not all touch is sexual?

Not all touch is sexual?
G

Grunty1967b

Registrant
You need to learn that all touch is not sexual.

I was in chat this evening and somebody said that to me. It was burned into my mind. I read it, I hear it, I know it but I can't grasp it.

The ramifications are everywhere in my life. There is no such thing as safe touch for me from other males (my abuser was a male). It's all a threat (in my mind).

You need to learn that all touch is not sexual.

I hope I get it one day. I know I need to. I know I have to.
 
I used to get nervous when I went to Quebec, where people are _very_ touchy. Add to that the fact that touchy people can be offended when someone reacts badly to being touched and you have a pretty rough situation.

I have tried to train myself to think that not all touch is bad. (For example, French girls like to kiss people to say hello. I like that!) However, I still get nervous in some situations. I think the only cure for being sensitive to being touched is time and experience.
 
the only touch i knew was sexual...i dont know what love is....i only connect sex to love...yet i know there is a differance
 
Hi Grunty, somehow I missed this post. In the book Male Sexuality by Bernie Zilbergeld, PH.D., he talks about how the way we are raised causes most men to relate touching to sex only. It's like women have two types of touch and most guys have only one type of touch.

Take care,
Clifford
 
Hi Grunty,

You will get it, in time. If you can talk about it now and ask questions about it you're making great progress.

I have also struggled with this issue, and continue to have trouble with it from time to time. I have learned that physical contact can have many overtones. When another person touches us, any number of emotions can be communicated from friendly trust (a handshake or pat on the back), to nurturing care (a tender caress from a loved one), to anger (a slap or punch), to love.

Most importantly, though, in the proper enviornment, touch can have almost an almost magical healing quality to it. I have recently begun seeing a chiropractor who has licensed massage therapists work on the clients before he adjusts them. The work these people are doing on me is helping me in tremendous ways.

Best of luck.
 
Grunty - The guys know what they're talking about. I went through childhood and adolescence thinking "all touch is sexual" because, like you, that's when I was touched (for sex or for punishment). I also thought, "the only way to be my friend is to have sex with the other person" (that's how I knew love or affection). Both are twisted by the sexual abuse and twisted touch. It takes quite a while to unloosen old habits and old ways of thinking. But that's how we survivors work through the thorny thickets we're trapped in by our Perps! You're okay and on the journey.

Howard
 
Grunty,

Yeah, Howard has it about right. It was either sex or discipline. Nothing else. When someone touches me that I interact with but don't know, my mind immediately puts it in the sexual realm. Crazy because it is often just a friendly pat on the shoulder or similar action. This can do one of two things to me. Make me uptight and fearful or make me want to respond sexually, neither of which is good. I've been able to work past it on an intellectual level, but at times those feelings still happen.

You've made an important realization. Now comes the work of bringing the pathways of the mind into agreement with the realization.

We're with you all the way.

Lots of love,

John
 
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I personally even cringe at the word "touch". I think this dates back to elementary school when the school district introduced a program to help children my age identify abuse and bring it out into the open instead of hiding it -- the program didn't work for me, im too good of a secret keeper.

Anyways, throughout the program they tought me that "touching is BAD"... Being that I was already being abused before the program had taken place, I trembled with fear each time that was said and to this day each time the word 'touch' is mentioned around me, i relive a small bit of that fear.

Needless to say, human contact is very difficult for me and I am also realizing that I must learn that all touch is not sexual.

My $0.02
~Brill
 
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