Not A Victim

Maddy

New Registrant
Hi...my name is Madison. The first time I was sexualized I was quite young. I do not remember any negative emotions. Just confusion. Men have always been drawn to me. Drawn to taking me sexually. I learned that I was quite good at pleasing them, and this pleased me. So I had figured out how to turn the tables on these men. Family members first, then teachers (who were also priests that we had to call Master; Church of England all boys bording school). I had found a way to enjoy it, while making them think I was "scared". Afterwards...everytime...everytime...afterwards their guilt and remorse was very apparent. So, whilst they thought I was a powerless, helpless boy, it was I who was taking their power. A kind of emotional and physical Tai Chi.
 
Welcome to MS! Sorry for what you went thru but glad you have found us. This is a great place to receive support & understanding as you come to terms with those experiences. Please go easy on yourself & take care!
 

ConfusedandAbused

New Registrant
Hi...my name is Madison. The first time I was sexualized I was quite young. I do not remember any negative emotions. Just confusion. Men have always been drawn to me. Drawn to taking me sexually. I learned that I was quite good at pleasing them, and this pleased me. So I had figured out how to turn the tables on these men. Family members first, then teachers (who were also priests that we had to call Master; Church of England all boys bording school). I had found a way to enjoy it, while making them think I was "scared". Afterwards...everytime...everytime...afterwards their guilt and remorse was very apparent. So, whilst they thought I was a powerless, helpless boy, it was I who was taking their power. A kind of emotional and physical Tai --my young life was exactly the same using my young age as a tool to get the things i wanted but what about now how do i heal from the past but still enjoy the physical intimacies
 

Not_our_fault

Registrant
Hi...my name is Madison. The first time I was sexualized I was quite young. I do not remember any negative emotions. Just confusion. Men have always been drawn to me. Drawn to taking me sexually. I learned that I was quite good at pleasing them, and this pleased me. So I had figured out how to turn the tables on these men. Family members first, then teachers (who were also priests that we had to call Master; Church of England all boys bording school). I had found a way to enjoy it, while making them think I was "scared". Afterwards...everytime...everytime...afterwards their guilt and remorse was very apparent. So, whilst they thought I was a powerless, helpless boy, it was I who was taking their power. A kind of emotional and physical Tai Chi.
It’s a weird situation but it’s also part of the manipulation. My abuse went on for years since I was 6 years old and I was even repeating it on some other kids because I was so normalised to it. I always knew it was wrong and sometimes I was scared and tried hiding and other times I was quite excited about it. However you feel it’s down to the abuser, they are in control the entire time. Crocodile tears take a long time to understand
 
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