Not a Jock....

Ugh, sports...

I hated school from kindergarten on due to the family chaos and feeling inferior and "other than", and this was years before the sexual abuse. I zoned out and was aloof throughout all of school. Even in gym class I didn't pay attention and would wonder off into the periphery to not be a part of the class. This would lead to me being one of the ones to be picked last. I think I actually played kickball once in gym class because the PE teacher made me go up to kick, and when I did kick, I ran to the pitcher instead of first base while all the rest of the class was yelling at me because I didn't know what the hell I was doing. I didn't even know or care about the bases.
My father was too busy with his own drama to be too involved with us, he never got me into sports or even interested in sports. There was no bringing us to ball games or watching them on tv, no favorite teams, etc. This was something that further alienated me from my peers in school, which only compounded my low self esteem and low sense of masculinity and no feeling of belonging.
I did enjoy playing with my friends and was good playing sports with them, but in the school setting I just shut down. But even with my friends I would take teasing from not knowing or caring about sports like who was playing in the world series or superbowl. Even as an adult it is a basic thing for an ice breaker to be able to walk up to a stranger and talk sports speak, like what did you think of _______ this season? I used to pretend and nod my head and just agree with them, but that just left me feeling those old feelings. Now I just come out and say that I don't follow sports, it will deflate them a little but we then usually end up chatting about something else anyway.
My kids aren't into sports either like I wasn't, but they don't have the baggage that I had so it doesn't seem to bother them. We play some sports as a family but don't follow any pros or teams.


Because of the public assault in kindergarten and the resulting misunderstandings, I forbid myself to think of myself as a boy. I couldn't allow myself to be in proximity to any other boys, the comparison was to shameful, my failings to big. As a result, I rejected everything that was associated with being a boy. My mind went blank and numb at any discussion of sports or cars. Needless to say I never learned even the basics of most games.

I started bodybuilding 18 months ago and just competed for the first time last weekend. Is it a sport or art is debateable. But it directly compares me with other men. And I was so OK with it.

I think what I want to say is if you are interested in a game, try it. Find a recreational team and give it a go. This isn't about being the best. It's about having fun and reclaiming ourselves.


I think what I want to say is if you are interested in a game, try it. Find a recreational team and give it a go. This isn't about being the best. It's about having fun and reclaiming ourselves.
That is so true, I live in Utah and learned to snow Ski and water ski at a young age and loved it & still do but never tried any team sports. I had no confidence at all. But you are right, Skiing helped me reclaim part of my self.


Good for you,

I could never walk and dribble No one ever taught me how. Congratulations on your 3 Pointer!!!
Ouch! This thread is a minefield for me.

My father was a high school and then later a college coach. If he hadn’t died when I was 3, I might have become a reasonably good athlete. I would not have been abused by the step-dad for 7 years.

By the time the step-dad tried to teach me something about sports, it was too late. I feared and resented him and hated spending any time together. He would get frustrated and enraged when I could not perform to his expectations without instruction or practice and then yell at me, insult me, and storm inside.

When I reached middle school, suddenly sports became very important to my peers. Since I was hopeless at anything physical, I was held in contempt. Last picked for teams and all that. My vision was also terrible – coke bottle glasses and no peripheral vision. They also distorted things so that I could not accurately anticipate the angle the ball was traveling toward me.

Then there was the locker room – stripping, changing, roughhousing, showering – and for me, the scene of repeated abuses couched in terms of “initiation.” I HATED every moment of PE class and felt totally alienated from other boys my age.

When I was in 7th grade, I was prescribed contact lenses in the hope that they would slow or stop the deterioration of my vision. I became an expert at “losing” a lens so that I could get out of participating in the day’s activity in the PE class. That also brought me a measure of revenge because it instantly brought everything to a screeching halt while everyone looked for my contact.

I have disliked all team sports all my life. I enjoy watching individual sports such as track, swimming, gymnastics, etc. but never had a chance to participate in them in school. In college I took a fencing class and enjoyed it. So different from the team hysteria of most sports.

Three years ago, for the first time, I voluntarily started exercising at the Y. I now can enter a locker room without being triggered.

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Tom E.

I hated sports too. No interest.. and none today either. I was into the arts, especially music. Of course I felt different. Not a real man or boy. I remember being called a queer, called Tammy instead of Tommy. Pushed against lockers. Bullied in other ways.Too much to write about right now. This fatigues me.


I only snow skied and water skied. I couldn't do the team stuff. My wife knows more about football than me, and I'm OK with that! I did like art too and was President of the drama club in High School. I didn't mind getting up on the stage and showing off and making people laugh. Because of my past I had learned to be a good actor!!
Definitely not a jock though I LOVED playing racketball when I was in my thirties. In my teen years, as a pitcher I set the strikeout record one summer of SLOW pitch softball... try to figure that one out... I think three guys struck out on my HIGH soft one. I was short and not very fast but in sixth grade I loved playing basketball which was great fun because we were all pretty lousy. I played football in my first year of high school but was one of those players the coach felt obliged to put in near the end of the game. Slow and small doesn't work very well in football either. I hated PE and the locker and showers were tormenting, mostly because I was always chubby. The wrestling coach enjoyed tormenting me.

My sexual abuse happened when I was much younger and I lost all memory of it, so my teen years were not captured by those fears. But I really didn't have the body or temperament to excel in sports. Instead I sang in the choir. That worked for me.


Good for you! Its good to be good at lots of different things. It builds confidence! I sang in the Choir too!!