This may have been posted here before so am sorry if it seems repetitive. I wish I was quote un quote normal and that I never had to go through what I did when I was a child. I mean did my brother really have to rape me. I sometimes think I really wish I knew why he did what he did but I know I will never understand why. I have not talked to him in almost 3 years and I probably will never again unless I find the courage to confront him about what he did and finally tell my parents what had happened but I have a feeling they would not believe me because they always discount what I say and never really listen or believe anything I say. I think what could have been if I wasn't molested by my brother if I had confidence and a good self esteem maybe I would stand up for myself and not run from any kind of confrontation or just shut down when I get in an argument with my wife (who is amazing and has been trying help through this troubling time) maybe I would have friends and not isolate myself from everyone except for my wife and kids. I just wish that I was "normal" and didn't have to go through that and carry the shame and guilt or the feeling of it was my fault . Sorry if this seems like I was rambling and doesn't make much sense.