No hiding just abiding
Tryingtolive
Registrant
I follow suit.
Cover the wounds.
No time to be feeling down.
Ignore what had happened.
Just pretend everything is fine.
Move on from it.
Ignore the feelings you feel.
The sad songs continue to play.
No intimacy allowed.
Show no love.
Be someone your not.
Swollow your pain.
Don’t speak of it either.
Be the class clown.
Keep everyone around.
Don’t fall down.
Get back up.
Laugh and smile for friends.
But never show them the real you.
Hide from everyone you know.
Let the thoughts burry you at night.
Distract yourself during the day.
Find a way to cope.
Money and a job seems so useless.
Mask it all.
The emotions you’ll never share.
A man was never to speak of this.
A child was never to know of this.
A family was never to hear of this.
A friend or lover couldn’t imagine this.
Sometimes i look and realize only I can heal myself.
Will I ever speak of what happened?
Or will I continue to crumble.
Days certainly change for me.
For better or worse.
I’m in a state of numbness and highs.
Quick reminders that this thing I keep hidden.
Will always win.
The events took control of my life.
Others have dictated it.
I’ve let the ones closest to me despise me.
For being the way iam.
If the time comes when I’m ridden of this cancer.
I’d be glad to finally feel what it means to be free.
Free of self hatred.
Express who i was meant to be.
Accepting the things I can’t change.
Embracing myself for who iam.
I’m wise but pretend I’m not.
I downplay everything iam.
I give the world only part of me.
The other part was taken from me.
I was toyed with.
Played with.
The silence shields me from this planet.
I’ve avoided everyone.
I live in this shell.
Or should I say this hell.
I’ve grown to be someone I hated.
But loved for someone iam not.
It’s so hard to let go of the past.
For the survivors I hope this helps.
I sometimes don’t want to go on.
And continue to be this person I’m not.
I can’t understand myself.
Starting to think I never will.
I feel I was robbed.
My childhood blank.
I flood my brain with distractions.
Reality is too hard to face.
Facing it alone.
No one wants to see or understand the results of abuse.
Rather make you feel it was ur fault too.
My family I depend on.
But they seem to thrive when I’m down.
Hold my down and kill my hopes.
A rebel child.
Silenced.
A man of hope.
But a kid with fear m.
Unable to love.
But I’m loved by many.
Unsure of it all.
I ask myself am I hiding or abiding?
The answers is both.
I’m good at it
Cover the wounds.
No time to be feeling down.
Ignore what had happened.
Just pretend everything is fine.
Move on from it.
Ignore the feelings you feel.
The sad songs continue to play.
No intimacy allowed.
Show no love.
Be someone your not.
Swollow your pain.
Don’t speak of it either.
Be the class clown.
Keep everyone around.
Don’t fall down.
Get back up.
Laugh and smile for friends.
But never show them the real you.
Hide from everyone you know.
Let the thoughts burry you at night.
Distract yourself during the day.
Find a way to cope.
Money and a job seems so useless.
Mask it all.
The emotions you’ll never share.
A man was never to speak of this.
A child was never to know of this.
A family was never to hear of this.
A friend or lover couldn’t imagine this.
Sometimes i look and realize only I can heal myself.
Will I ever speak of what happened?
Or will I continue to crumble.
Days certainly change for me.
For better or worse.
I’m in a state of numbness and highs.
Quick reminders that this thing I keep hidden.
Will always win.
The events took control of my life.
Others have dictated it.
I’ve let the ones closest to me despise me.
For being the way iam.
If the time comes when I’m ridden of this cancer.
I’d be glad to finally feel what it means to be free.
Free of self hatred.
Express who i was meant to be.
Accepting the things I can’t change.
Embracing myself for who iam.
I’m wise but pretend I’m not.
I downplay everything iam.
I give the world only part of me.
The other part was taken from me.
I was toyed with.
Played with.
The silence shields me from this planet.
I’ve avoided everyone.
I live in this shell.
Or should I say this hell.
I’ve grown to be someone I hated.
But loved for someone iam not.
It’s so hard to let go of the past.
For the survivors I hope this helps.
I sometimes don’t want to go on.
And continue to be this person I’m not.
I can’t understand myself.
Starting to think I never will.
I feel I was robbed.
My childhood blank.
I flood my brain with distractions.
Reality is too hard to face.
Facing it alone.
No one wants to see or understand the results of abuse.
Rather make you feel it was ur fault too.
My family I depend on.
But they seem to thrive when I’m down.
Hold my down and kill my hopes.
A rebel child.
Silenced.
A man of hope.
But a kid with fear m.
Unable to love.
But I’m loved by many.
Unsure of it all.
I ask myself am I hiding or abiding?
The answers is both.
I’m good at it
