no emotions

no emotions
T

tiredwhyme

New Registrant
my girlfriend cant seem to get it, i still see her, so i guess my fault too, but i told her a million times I cant have a girlfriend (why not, I just hate being to be needed). Anyways, she just wont get the hint I cant have a girlfriend in my life now, and she tries to help and says she loves me and helps all the time, so much that why dont I like that, why dont I love her, she is so kind to me, I am so mad, she is attractive, I want to have sex with her, but I cant, i feel like I used her after or something,.im losing it, i dont treat her like a girlfriend, so why does she love me and keep coming back, dont knwo what to do. why does she want to be in my life soooo bad, it freaks me out, I think all my ex's are obsessive to me, but maybe they arent, am I screwed. why cant i love this girl, instead everything she does annoys me because sex with her makes me feel gross, so I bet she can feel that, but I cant bring myself to give her many compliments to make her feel good, just too sappy, I hate sappy
 
Mabey you should just soak up the love she is giving you and just be...I know how you feel about the love thing, it is hard. Just be yourself when you are with her, cause that is probly all she wants. Please remember I am no guru..it is just food for thought.

Dwayne
 
I think it's impossible to accept someone's affection if you're feeling that you aren't worthy of it.

It reminds me of that old joke: "I wouldn't belong to any club that would have somebody like me as a member." For a long time I believed that any woman who would get involved with me must have something wrong with her because she couldn't see what damaged goods she was buying. With that idea firmly in my head, it made it impossible to build a relationship. I carried that idea around with me wayyyyy to long.

If you have a therapist, I'd bring this point up and tell him you want to work on it. Learning to let someone love you and loving them back is a terrific thing. It may not be this girlfriend, but I hope you get the chance to find this out with someone who is right for you. Take care.
 
Can you not give it a try, maybe if you can get her to give you the space you need and draw up some rules will it not work? She obviously loves you and you say she is beautiful.

We live a life regretting all these lost relationships and then wonder, why?

Let her in and see what transpires

only a thought from another one who's been there, done that, ripped tee-shirt etc.,

ste
 
tired'
I guess she loves you? and a second guess is that you don't know how to react?

If you've come to MS then I also guess you've suffered abuse, and when you're ready you'll disclose to someone you trust and begin the healing. Abuse happens unfortunately, and although we suffer greatly from it we can ( and do ) move on and recover.

Abuse affects us all in different ways, but it seems very common that we have trouble accepting love and trust from genuine people in our lives.
Love is precious, and it helps us greatly, so don't throw it out just yet.

We're here to help, support and do whatever we can for other Survivors, so stick around.

Dave
 
thanks for all your advise, but why did i trash her to everyone i know, even though she is so kind to me and tells me she loves me all the time. why do i do that?
 
I don't know what your situation is beyond what you have said, but I know that even though I care for my wife, ( as much as I think I am able) I have hurt her and slammed her to others repeatedly. I think I do it to get some reaction that brings some color to my otherwise grey world, because when she is angry, and is arguing, there is more than the grey.. It also help with my own rather low self esteem.. Negative attention I for some reason thought is better than no attention, or the only kind I can understand. But I do empathize with you on this. I can't be close to anyone because I never let anyone know anything real about me. Which has caused me to use and mentally abuse every woman I have ever interacted with. I think in my humble opinion, you may just not be able to or know how to let someone in, so you keep people pushed away, especially those who you know may get a little too close.. Self destructive defense mechanism.. Just a thought..
 
Hello my friend, I am sorry you are having such a hard time and I hope that I can come up with something to help you in some way. While reading your post I became curious to know weather or not you are in therapy. If you are, then that is the first and most important step to recover from what ever you are facing.

Talk with your therapist about this issue; he/she will have some great advice for you. If you are not in therapy I suggest you start going because it will help you immensely.

The next thing is, don't expect miracles, unfortunately in most cases you will not find instant relief from the pain you are feeling; everything takes time and allot of hard work.

Don't be hard on yourself always remember that you are not alone and there are people here that will support and do all they can to help. Also do your best not to expect of yourself more than you can do, I know this is hard at times especially when it comes to things like this, I know it is easy to ask questions like, everyone else can do this just fine, but why can't I? Well that's simple; everyone else was not hurt as we have been.

All we can do is what we can at the time that we need to, that is all anyone can do. Anyone who expects more is wrong and should work with themselves to understand life and all it's complications. What you are going through is fine and you should not feel bad about it, we all have things we need to work on.

In relationships I am in no way an expert but I am starting to understand that sex does not have to be present in order to love. If you love this girl and she loves you then that is a very special bond that does not need sex to exist. Just let her know that you are doing all you can and will press forward when you feel the time is right. If love is truly apart of your relationship she will stand by you and help you through your time of need.

I am sure you have heard the saying love can move mountains, well let me tell you I can testify to that saying, if it weren't for the people in my life that loved me unconditionally I would not be here today.

Please don't allow the ignorance of society to make you down and depressed. Most people will never be able to understand what we are going through because they have not faced these problems. It is our job to help them to try to understand.

Like I said above I know it is hard and at times I know that hopelessness can take hold of your soul and drowned you in the depths of the sea but please don't let it. When you feel as if you are floundering reach out your hands and let someone through you a life line to keep you a float. You are an amazing person and just by coming hear to seek help I can tell you are a very strong person.

Hang in there my friend, I promise you that in time and with the love of others you will soon have a wonderful yaut to sail with the wind.
 
I'll be very suspicious about her "love". I think you have been very clear if you have told her that you are not ready for a relationship. I think a person that loves you, really loves you, will understand your feelings and your DECISION of not having a relationship until you are ready. Sounds a little traspassing for her to try to force you to have feelings you are not ready to deal with.

Just be clear. It's true that many of us don't feel worthy of love, but it's also a voilation of limits if a person doesn't get the no... that is provided that you have been consistent and clear with her.
 
Sounds like a bit of a mixed up situation. I wonder if this girl thinks of herself as a friend or a girlfriend. Just because she is "around" does not mean she wants a, or there is a relationship. And if there are mixed signals from TWM, she choses which signals to act on. Just a thought.
 
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