Night Terrors vs. Waking up in Dread

[1islandboy]

The question is, Do you have trouble sleeping? i.e. nightmares?

Now here is the thing. The act of laying down and trying to sleep is a huge trigger for me. (for obvious reasons...flashbacks). Not sure if the act of trying to sleep qualifies as trouble sleeping?

Honestly, I am not aware of dreaming, good, bad or indifferent. What I am aware of, is often I wake with this instant feeling that everything is absolutely fucked. The darkest of feelings (as if Satan himself is trying to steal my soul).

This can happen repeatedly in one night. It is so exhausting.

I tried to research this and came up with "Night Terrors". But the more I research this, the more it seems like this term just doesn't fit.

I would appreciate your thoughts on this subject.


Lightning Crashes (Live)

island

 

[zookeeper]

Sometimes what we experience doesnt fit definitions completely. My understanding is that NT are episodes where you dont remember the content but are acting out. NM have remembered content. But for me, I have a lag and can sometimes be aware of my actions but cant control them momentarily and really dont know why they are happening or why I am saying what Im saying. Someone described it like a photo that has double exposure. Its weird but the end result of all of it is you end up tired. Then have trouble getting to sleep because you are so tired and frightened of the nightmares. It really stinks.
Hope you are making progress and get some rest tonight
Zoo

 

[KMCINVA]

You have come to the right place. Nightmares are very common amongst survivors especially those with PTSD. The nightmare is a recurring element of the trauma. For me it is being locked in a place with no escape except for windows I cannot reach. I also have the nightmare of the big brown door--opening and a dark stairwell. I wake in fear and shaking.

I also have flashbacks which make me feel as though I am reliving the abuse over and over. Visual and visceral. Generally these follow a nightmare or a trigger. For example there were times where the door to my office was tired shut and I had not escape except the windows. It would send him the abuser into the room and I could feel him and then many times I would dissociate to escape.

Night terrors as Brian (zookeeper) said are not nightmares. One is not dreaming but is a sleep disturbance--not sure of the scientific reason. I believe one is half awake when these occur. Many times the person wakes unconsolable or fearful and sometimes they cannot remember what triggered the episode.

I probably did a poor job explaining these three but it has been explained to me a few times. I sometimes would wake with the heebee jeebees and could not understand why. I was told this was probably a night terror. When I would wake screaming and I could remember the big brown door or seeing his face or windows to escape I was having a nightmare--I was dreaming of the trauma. When I would awake from the nightmare or be triggered about the past and I could see and hear him as well as feel him on me I was having a flashback.

No matter all three truly suck because they offset us, the scare us and make us feel lost. They disrupt sleep and without sleep it is difficult to focus and accomplish things. I am on borrowed time. If I get 1 to 2 hours of sleep a night it is a lot. My eyes hurt, my lids are heavy but when I close them it all starts over. I have been told I was triggered so much over 15 plus year period I am conditioned to respond with memories of the abuse and once that begins it is either a flashback or nightmare. Night terrors are not common for me now since I disclosed the abuse and have tried to face it. The triggers sent me into flashbacks and I now know dissociative episodes.

1islandboy I do not know if this helps. I hope you find rest because if not the thoughts become distortive and holding onto to life may seem meaningless and I am close. I am so tired I am irritable, on edge,anxious, sometimes confused--lack of sleep does this and many worry--I can be talking and then I go blank, loose my thoughts and some say I walk away. Please get your sleep under control. For me it may be too late and I do not want anyone to live like this. It is not living, I live in fear of triggers, hearing words, being in situations, nightmares, flashbacks, dissociating. Damage that I thought I had undone but it seems to have undone me.

I have difficulties with medications, never seem to work as they should. From Nyquil to prescription. Nyquil makes me hyper and does not calm me or let me sleep. I was on medication that lowers blood pressure in most while I was suffering from extremely low blood pressure. It was by chance it was found to stabilize my pressure at low levels and to stop it from plummeting further--why no one knows. I have been an anamoly to some of my doctors. Once I opened up about the abuse it began to make sense to them from the blood pressure, syncope, PVC's dissociation, lack of sleep. Boy the priest destroyed a soul.

Talk to your doctor and see what he can do to help you sleep.

Kevin

 

[leith70613]

You have come to the right place. Nightmares are very common amongst survivors especially those with PTSD. The nightmare is a recurring element of the trauma. For me it is being locked in a place with no escape except for windows I cannot reach. I also have the nightmare of the big brown door--opening and a dark stairwell. I wake in fear and shaking.

I also have flashbacks which make me feel as though I am reliving the abuse over and over. Visual and visceral. Generally these follow a nightmare or a trigger. For example there were times where the door to my office was tired shut and I had not escape except the windows. It would send him the abuser into the room and I could feel him and then many times I would dissociate to escape.

Night terrors as Brian (zookeeper) said are not nightmares. One is not dreaming but is a sleep disturbance--not sure of the scientific reason. I believe one is half awake when these occur. Many times the person wakes unconsolable or fearful and sometimes they cannot remember what triggered the episode.

I probably did a poor job explaining these three but it has been explained to me a few times. I sometimes would wake with the heebee jeebees and could not understand why. I was told this was probably a night terror. When I would wake screaming and I could remember the big brown door or seeing his face or windows to escape I was having a nightmare--I was dreaming of the trauma. When I would awake from the nightmare or be triggered about the past and I could see and hear him as well as feel him on me I was having a flashback.

No matter all three truly suck because they offset us, the scare us and make us feel lost. They disrupt sleep and without sleep it is difficult to focus and accomplish things. I am on borrowed time. If I get 1 to 2 hours of sleep a night it is a lot. My eyes hurt, my lids are heavy but when I close them it all starts over. I have been told I was triggered so much over 15 plus year period I am conditioned to respond with memories of the abuse and once that begins it is either a flashback or nightmare. Night terrors are not common for me now since I disclosed the abuse and have tried to face it. The triggers sent me into flashbacks and I now know dissociative episodes.

1islandboy I do not know if this helps. I hope you find rest because if not the thoughts become distortive and holding onto to life may seem meaningless and I am close. I am so tired I am irritable, on edge,anxious, sometimes confused--lack of sleep does this and many worry--I can be talking and then I go blank, loose my thoughts and some say I walk away. Please get your sleep under control. For me it may be too late and I do not want anyone to live like this. It is not living, I live in fear of triggers, hearing words, being in situations, nightmares, flashbacks, dissociating. Damage that I thought I had undone but it seems to have undone me.

I have difficulties with medications, never seem to work as they should. From Nyquil to prescription. Nyquil makes me hyper and does not calm me or let me sleep. I was on medication that lowers blood pressure in most while I was suffering from extremely low blood pressure. It was by chance it was found to stabilize my pressure at low levels and to stop it from plummeting further--why no one knows. I have been an anamoly to some of my doctors. Once I opened up about the abuse it began to make sense to them from the blood pressure, syncope, PVC's dissociation, lack of sleep. Boy the priest destroyed a soul.

Talk to your doctor and see what he can do to help you sleep.

Kevin

That is exactly how it's going for me for a while now. I'm very sorry that most of us go through this torture. Did it get better? I'm hoping it gets better for me too. ☆

 

[blankspace]

I deal with both, I have seen it and heard of it alot from others too. For me, I dont want to go to bed because im scared of having those nightmares and then at the same time, when I wake up in the morning I dont want to get out of bed and face the day. I guess it's a weird mixture of emotions to a normal person but to us, I think it's pretty common and normal.

For me, I do have repeating dreams, usually the same kinda, which isn't a memory of the moment, but a build-up of the feelings around it. I have nightmares that the people who attacked me are running after me, trying to get me and hurt me. But everyone I stop for help and try to explain what happened to me to them, they just laugh and point at me laughing, no one helping just laughing at me, until the point where they all start chasing me as well laughing saying well it must have been your fault, or they wouldn't have done that to you, so it must have been your fault. while my attackers chase me looking angry with the people I thought I could trust. These usually go on to the point I wake up feeling tired, my feet hurt if I kick the wall and the bed sheets are pulled off the bed because im constantly tossing and turning during nightmares.

I talked to my councillor about it, they explained it's part of being a survivor, they deal with it too and alot to do with what I had gone through. Like after my experience of having a police officer sort of laugh at me when I tried to tell him, makes my subconscious think no one would believe me and would all laugh at me. Then the running away comes from my fear of the people attacking me again or threats they told me when I was young for example my mother saying she would kill me if I told anyone. Having bottled so much for so long the flashes of memories that came up I had been trying to convince myself it didn't happen, or it's in my head. After allowing my brain to spiral from those thoughts it changed into well if it happened then it must have been my fault, that im to blame for what happened to me, This thought pattern went on for so long before I asked for help that I had been telling myself so long that it was my fault that my mind started to believe it was my fault what happened to me a child and then as a teenager, so much that I started to believe I would get in trouble for it and not the people who attacked me, and was terrified to even tell my friends. My subconscious technically knew that was wrong and was forcing me to face these thoughts in my dreams, which was forcing me to think of them instead of bottling them back up again, as I had for so long.

Of course, now I know differently, my friends are supportive of me after opening up while being very drunk one night, my councillor is very supportive of me, and everyone on the forum here is very supportive of me, helping me understand things easily. The nightmares have been a little less, I still fear them and have them, but since starting my healing journey, they have started to go away, and some days I sleep well. But yet I still have a long way to go with it. In a way as hard as the nightmares are, I think they can be helpful because then I wake up and now that I have the skills and knowledge thanks to everyone on here and my councillor. I find myself facing those thoughts and understanding easier why they were present, taking the power away from them, while also giving me the ammo to know what I need to work on.

The mind is a very dark and weird place. It can hurt is, but in a way that is helpful, stay strong through those nights, it does get better. I know hearing it dosnt help, but I was were you are, and I can tell you it does from my own experience. It's a long tough road, but its worth it. I hope my response was helpful to you.

 

[KMCINVA]

That is exactly how it's going for me for a while now. I'm very sorry that most of us go through this torture. Did it get better? I'm hoping it gets better for me too. ☆

Yes it got better. I changed my living environment as they relished triggering and telling people how horrible I was as I struggled with the night terrors, dissociative fugues. Their honest was lacking as they failed to tell how they were deliberating triggering me. Once I left and found wonderful, kind and empathic people I slowly, yes it was a slow process, I began to heal. Healing required me to face the truth of the past, the abuse and behaviors of those who triggered me--which was a taunting task as I learned to bury the bad in my life. I finally accepted the truth and as I leased the past, their control began to lose hold. Today, I seldom have night terrors and I am selective who I surround myself, as those who can trigger will trigger to protect their own issues and their version of the truth.

It is a process, talking and acknowledging what you are experiencing are positive steps. Reach out for we are here to support each other.

Kevin

 

[leith70613]

I deal with both, I have seen it and heard of it alot from others too. For me, I dont want to go to bed because im scared of having those nightmares and then at the same time, when I wake up in the morning I dont want to get out of bed and face the day. I guess it's a weird mixture of emotions to a normal person but to us, I think it's pretty common and normal.

For me, I do have repeating dreams, usually the same kinda, which isn't a memory of the moment, but a build-up of the feelings around it. I have nightmares that the people who attacked me are running after me, trying to get me and hurt me. But everyone I stop for help and try to explain what happened to me to them, they just laugh and point at me laughing, no one helping just laughing at me, until the point where they all start chasing me as well laughing saying well it must have been your fault, or they wouldn't have done that to you, so it must have been your fault. while my attackers chase me looking angry with the people I thought I could trust. These usually go on to the point I wake up feeling tired, my feet hurt if I kick the wall and the bed sheets are pulled off the bed because im constantly tossing and turning during nightmares.

I talked to my councillor about it, they explained it's part of being a survivor, they deal with it too and alot to do with what I had gone through. Like after my experience of having a police officer sort of laugh at me when I tried to tell him, makes my subconscious think no one would believe me and would all laugh at me. Then the running away comes from my fear of the people attacking me again or threats they told me when I was young for example my mother saying she would kill me if I told anyone. Having bottled so much for so long the flashes of memories that came up I had been trying to convince myself it didn't happen, or it's in my head. After allowing my brain to spiral from those thoughts it changed into well if it happened then it must have been my fault, that im to blame for what happened to me, This thought pattern went on for so long before I asked for help that I had been telling myself so long that it was my fault that my mind started to believe it was my fault what happened to me a child and then as a teenager, so much that I started to believe I would get in trouble for it and not the people who attacked me, and was terrified to even tell my friends. My subconscious technically knew that was wrong and was forcing me to face these thoughts in my dreams, which was forcing me to think of them instead of bottling them back up again, as I had for so long.

Of course, now I know differently, my friends are supportive of me after opening up while being very drunk one night, my councillor is very supportive of me, and everyone on the forum here is very supportive of me, helping me understand things easily. The nightmares have been a little less, I still fear them and have them, but since starting my healing journey, they have started to go away, and some days I sleep well. But yet I still have a long way to go with it. In a way as hard as the nightmares are, I think they can be helpful because then I wake up and now that I have the skills and knowledge thanks to everyone on here and my councillor. I find myself facing those thoughts and understanding easier why they were present, taking the power away from them, while also giving me the ammo to know what I need to work on.

The mind is a very dark and weird place. It can hurt is, but in a way that is helpful, stay strong through those nights, it does get better. I know hearing it dosnt help, but I was were you are, and I can tell you it does from my own experience. It's a long tough road, but its worth it. I hope my response was helpful to you.

I'm deeply sorry for the immense pain and suffering you've endured, and for the absence of protection when you needed it most. It's utterly shameful how those who inflicted harm upon you, as well as those who turned a blind eye or dismissed your struggles, failed to recognize the gravity of your experiences and provide the support and protection you deserved. It's a betrayal of the deepest kind, no wonder you always feared to open up. and i'm glad you have found support in your friends and therapist.

Thank you for sharing your experience with nightmares. I can truly empathize with how terrifying it must be to even consider going to sleep when you know the horrors that await in your dreams. For me, the avoidance of sleep became a desperate attempt to escape the relentless cycle of fear and torment that plagued my nights. However, there comes a point where sheer exhaustion forces you to surrender to sleep's grasp, despite the looming dread. Much like you, my nightmares often transport me back to the scenes and emotions of my past traumas, embedding me in a visceral reenactment of the horrors I endured. It's as if the boundaries between past and present blur, trapping me in a nightmarish loop from which there seems to be no escape. it always took place in the neighborhood, the house i grew up in, where the abuse took place. Unfortunately, there would be no escape routes and if they exist, they would be so narrow i could barely fit through them. i eventualy end up getting caught after running for so long, then graped, then murdered and then somehow eaten. (On repeat everytime i sleep, except, new abusers would make an appearance).

To understand what happens when I experience these nightmares, I recorded myself while I slept. The video showed me thrashing around, my voice pleading, calling out names of abusers from my past. It starts later at night. One could pretty much tell what i was dreaming about just by looking at me, it's fucking scary, it looked like a ghost was messing with me. by the way i was moving, you'd think i was possessed. Waking up from these nightmares feels like breaking free from a heavy fog, it takes so so long to be able to move my body. it's like something heavy pressing me down deep into my bed, soaked in sweat, and it's hard to shake off the fear.

When it comes to night terrors, I experience them too. I often have vague memories of when it happens, and it's possible that I'm dreaming about similar things because I find myself running around my current house in a panic, as if searching for an exit. i'd trip over things and injure myself in the process. I always wake up in the bathroom feeling nauseous and throwing up, i somehow manage to get there while I'm half awake and right into a panic attack.. i didn't know what night terrors were, and i whenever i experienced them i would cry so hard, i thought i was losing my mind. It's a scary cycle that leaves me feeling exhausted and helpless every night.

I'm working on diminishing the impact of my nightmares by confronting them, writing about them, and bringing them into the light to lessen their hold over me. I'm delving into their details, trying to understand them better and diminish their power. Maybe i'm doing it wrong, i'm trying to trust the process, all i can say is that i have gained some awareness that it's a false reality when they happen but i'm very far from taking control. i will try taking medication as well. hopefully it's help me get some very needed peaceful rest.

Thank you for taking the time to share, to validate what i'm going through and for your encouragement. it means the world to me. take care of yourself brother

 

[leith70613]

Yes it got better. I changed my living environment as they relished triggering and telling people how horrible I was as I struggled with the night terrors, dissociative fugues. Their honest was lacking as they failed to tell how they were deliberating triggering me. Once I left and found wonderful, kind and empathic people I slowly, yes it was a slow process, I began to heal. Healing required me to face the truth of the past, the abuse and behaviors of those who triggered me--which was a taunting task as I learned to bury the bad in my life. I finally accepted the truth and as I leased the past, their control began to lose hold. Today, I seldom have night terrors and I am selective who I surround myself, as those who can trigger will trigger to protect their own issues and their version of the truth.

It is a process, talking and acknowledging what you are experiencing are positive steps. Reach out for we are here to support each other.

Kevin

It's really encouraging to hear that things have improved for you. Your progress gives me hope that I'll get better too. It sounds like moving to a safer environment was a big step forward for you. Dealing with people who don't understand what you're going through can be tough. I'm glad you've found supportive people to be around, that's wonderful. I'm glad to hear you're feeling more in control now and having fewer night terrors. choosing who you spend time with matters, especially if some people trigger your struggles. I'm lucky to have caring people around me, they're the ones keeping me together. Thank you brother Kevin for sharing your story and offering support to me and others. We're here for each other, and together, we can get through tough times.

 

[little_boy_lost]

I have complex PTSD from my abuse (plus sleep apnea). I wake up gasping for breath with terrible dreams related to my abuse almost every night. But the dreams didn't start happening until I was in my late 30s. Which makes sense because my abuse didn't stop until I was 31. I was sexually abused by my step mother between ages 4-9, raped at 10 in boy scouts, sexually assaulted in a bar at 24, and sexually manipulated by my ex-wife from 22 to 31. I was also physically and emotionally abused until I was 22. (Because I lived with my parents in college, which was a huge mistake). I fought back when I was an adult but I've always been small and weak so it didn't help much. I hate my PTSD/Sleep apnea dreams. I need a CPAP, but I can't afford a sleep study. I wake up feeling terrified and out of breath. I also suffer from sleep paralysis on occasion.