nice time.
*** possible triggers ***
" hey Goran"
hey.
"how are things, what is going on?"
I get angry at not know why. I can`t have a family and
sometimes I get all mad at small stuff. It bugs me.
"yea. so what did you today ? "
I had tea with a minister, he is retired, but he helped me
a few years ago ; and so I decided to call him and see if he
would meet me for coffee. It helped me.
"what helped?"
At first I was mad at me , yelling " why would you want to
see him ? he isn't family ....and all these self-blaming
voices about my abuse and I didn't know where the choice of
what I was going to talk about. I didn't know if I would
say that I am almost sure that I am gay. And I was afraid of
rejection and angering him....it was so fucking tiring.
"so , you met with him ?"
yeah.
"tell me , what did you talk about ?"
at first , I said , just be honest and just roll with it.
And....not make the conversation ,only me....and if I said
I would be depressing....and I just talked about it with myself
before mentioning everything that I have achieved over the years.
"hmm, good.!"
yea., so....I told him I love spirituality and ...that I
wanted to move and but I have debt.
I said I also was very interested in helping myself and that
I should fix myself before I try to help others.
And I miss my mom but hate my dad.....and I want to see my
dad but want to kill him.
He said forgiving him would mean I wouldn't be helping him
it would help me. It was very profound. And I wanted a hug and I wanted to try to get to the point to cry , really
loud and .....it didn't come....
" you were at a coffee shop...?"
yea. So I wrote a few books he recommended.
Now....I wish I could get in shape.
And get a date.
"okay....
how do I accept that I am gay ? how?
"you have to figure this out on your own Goran.
I have to feel, accept and I hope everything works out.
I am a good-looking guy. Not like others but....I am good.
And I am nice, friendly. I panic!
I panic.
Gotta go.
Goran
" hey Goran"
hey.
"how are things, what is going on?"
I get angry at not know why. I can`t have a family and
sometimes I get all mad at small stuff. It bugs me.
"yea. so what did you today ? "
I had tea with a minister, he is retired, but he helped me
a few years ago ; and so I decided to call him and see if he
would meet me for coffee. It helped me.
"what helped?"
At first I was mad at me , yelling " why would you want to
see him ? he isn't family ....and all these self-blaming
voices about my abuse and I didn't know where the choice of
what I was going to talk about. I didn't know if I would
say that I am almost sure that I am gay. And I was afraid of
rejection and angering him....it was so fucking tiring.
"so , you met with him ?"
yeah.
"tell me , what did you talk about ?"
at first , I said , just be honest and just roll with it.
And....not make the conversation ,only me....and if I said
I would be depressing....and I just talked about it with myself
before mentioning everything that I have achieved over the years.
"hmm, good.!"
yea., so....I told him I love spirituality and ...that I
wanted to move and but I have debt.
I said I also was very interested in helping myself and that
I should fix myself before I try to help others.
And I miss my mom but hate my dad.....and I want to see my
dad but want to kill him.
He said forgiving him would mean I wouldn't be helping him
it would help me. It was very profound. And I wanted a hug and I wanted to try to get to the point to cry , really
loud and .....it didn't come....
" you were at a coffee shop...?"
yea. So I wrote a few books he recommended.
Now....I wish I could get in shape.
And get a date.
"okay....
how do I accept that I am gay ? how?
"you have to figure this out on your own Goran.
I have to feel, accept and I hope everything works out.
I am a good-looking guy. Not like others but....I am good.
And I am nice, friendly. I panic!
I panic.
Gotta go.
Goran
