nice thing from Nao experience
I would have just posted this with the other Nao news, but it's actually different.
One of the best things about this site is that sharing and helping one another makes the abuse less bad.
I used to think that the struggle for self-hood was a lonely thing, that mostly people couldn't understand what it was all about, and that all the things I did to heal myself were just crappy stupid things I had to do to make myself well again. Now when I do something that works for me, I don't feel pathetic about the fact that I had to do the thing. I go ahead and post the idea to the site and imagine that someone else might find it useful. I believe all of life is about becoming, and as abused guys we get that fact forced upon us pretty hard. We have to learn lots of lessons in order to live fully. But then the lives we live become tremendously rich because we have so much to offer.
So reading the Nao post made me realize that this site gives us all a place where our experiences with abuse have value. We all have lots of knowledge that is totally undervalued in our everyday worlds, and part of what makes this a great place is that sharing that understanding allows it to become precious to other people as well.
I want thank all of you for your various posts over the months I've been here. There have been dozens of notes that have really meant something to me. Each time I see someone speak truly, I feel it in my heart, and it resonates. Even the Nao posts. I responded to some of them, too. But what I said was as honest as it could be, and having to think it out helped me. Every time I respond to someone's pain I do myself a service, because I'm interacting through kindness and compassion for another person. So what if that character was a fiction? I've read plenty of stories (and I write them, too), and empathy is in and of itself a good thing. There's no waste in it.
And each note I read clarifies things for me. Even if my abuse history is different from anyone else's (and it is...its mine), I still take a lot of comfort in the sharing. For some reason the Teddy Bear posts really got to me. And I was just reading Scot's post about being sad and lonely. Can't tell you how much it hit me. I realized that when he said he couldn't connect, he was wrong. Whether he knew it or not, he had connected with me. As did "Heather-Nao". When I read those posts I felt terribly sorry for his/her pain. And that feeling has value. It's a sign of the connection Scot mentioned in his post.
Just our sharing makes it worthwhile. Because loneliness is a state of mind, not a reality. When we come here, we are not alone.
And, when we share our points of view, we make a difference. So who cares who we make the difference for?
I like the fact that I can say things here and know they might be useful to somebody besides me. It doesn't in the end matter who uses them. The healing comes from the sharing itself, not what is done in the aftermath.
So I'm almost glad about this Nao business. It clarified somethings for me.
Let's cherish the fact that we are so generous with our time and our spirits. In sharing, we heal ourselves.
Danny
One of the best things about this site is that sharing and helping one another makes the abuse less bad.
I used to think that the struggle for self-hood was a lonely thing, that mostly people couldn't understand what it was all about, and that all the things I did to heal myself were just crappy stupid things I had to do to make myself well again. Now when I do something that works for me, I don't feel pathetic about the fact that I had to do the thing. I go ahead and post the idea to the site and imagine that someone else might find it useful. I believe all of life is about becoming, and as abused guys we get that fact forced upon us pretty hard. We have to learn lots of lessons in order to live fully. But then the lives we live become tremendously rich because we have so much to offer.
So reading the Nao post made me realize that this site gives us all a place where our experiences with abuse have value. We all have lots of knowledge that is totally undervalued in our everyday worlds, and part of what makes this a great place is that sharing that understanding allows it to become precious to other people as well.
I want thank all of you for your various posts over the months I've been here. There have been dozens of notes that have really meant something to me. Each time I see someone speak truly, I feel it in my heart, and it resonates. Even the Nao posts. I responded to some of them, too. But what I said was as honest as it could be, and having to think it out helped me. Every time I respond to someone's pain I do myself a service, because I'm interacting through kindness and compassion for another person. So what if that character was a fiction? I've read plenty of stories (and I write them, too), and empathy is in and of itself a good thing. There's no waste in it.
And each note I read clarifies things for me. Even if my abuse history is different from anyone else's (and it is...its mine), I still take a lot of comfort in the sharing. For some reason the Teddy Bear posts really got to me. And I was just reading Scot's post about being sad and lonely. Can't tell you how much it hit me. I realized that when he said he couldn't connect, he was wrong. Whether he knew it or not, he had connected with me. As did "Heather-Nao". When I read those posts I felt terribly sorry for his/her pain. And that feeling has value. It's a sign of the connection Scot mentioned in his post.
Just our sharing makes it worthwhile. Because loneliness is a state of mind, not a reality. When we come here, we are not alone.
And, when we share our points of view, we make a difference. So who cares who we make the difference for?
I like the fact that I can say things here and know they might be useful to somebody besides me. It doesn't in the end matter who uses them. The healing comes from the sharing itself, not what is done in the aftermath.
So I'm almost glad about this Nao business. It clarified somethings for me.
Let's cherish the fact that we are so generous with our time and our spirits. In sharing, we heal ourselves.
Danny
