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buddah

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Hi everyone. I just wanted to introduce myself. I ran across this board and am excited to see it. It feels like there isnt much support for men who have been sexually abused out there. I hope to be a contributing member of this little online community and be able to stengthen other with what I have been thru.

Merry Christmas..
buddah
 
welcome. i'm sorry you need a site like this, but glad you found it...Phos
 
Hi Buddah and welcome. I know I found a great sense of relief when I came across this site. All of a sudden, I wasn't alone anymore. I hope you find this place and these people as helpful as I have.
Peace.
 
Yeah... what phoster said. :)

Seriously, glad to have you with us. Hope you'll come into chat sometime.

-Sean
 
Welcome here. Sorry you have to join us. Always feel free to come here when you have no place to turn. I find this anchors me even when my flashbacks and anxiety reduce me to a point where I can't put my words together right.
 
Merry Christmas Buddah ( It's not everyday you get to say that is it ? ;) )

Stick around, there's great support and help here.
Just ask if you need any help as well, we're friendly to newbies here.

Dave
 
Well tonight I went to my first xmas eve service. It sucked. The service didnt, me being there did. Everyone had someone ther with them heck its a family tradition for most people. For me it just reminded me that I am alone. Nothing else. My family got up and moved to Utah. Left me alone. Others always say they are going home for xmas. I am at home. I dont have one to go to. Just reminds me of what my dad did and how he screwed up my life. I am always going to be alone. I try to be good. Follow God and be a Christian but it doesnt seem to do much to take care of my past. The pain is still there the hurt is still there. I dont have a family. I have tried to make ones with the people I live with but well always at xmas time they go home. I get invitited but to be honest I feel like a complete outsider. Nothing is going to change that. I just have to accept that I am alone here. This world, this society is not made for people like me. For people who have been thru what I have been thru. It is made for couples and families. I dont have either of those and I think I have finally realized that my friends will never make up for the family and life that was taken from me at birth. I have been alone and will always be alone. Friends will come and then they will leave. Family is supposed to be forever but not in my life. What have I done to deserve living this cursed life that I have been given. I dont know. I will always be alone. I just have to accept it.
 
Friends will come and then they will leave
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You know I use to believe that. Untill I met the man I call my best friend. Him and his wife are more family to me that anyone with the same "blood" could ever be. I know how alone this time of year can make a soul feel. Just try to remember your here with us now, your no longer alone. You have brother's that understand excatly what your feeling and we want to help you. Im sorry your feeling down right now. ((((hugs)))).... Just know that you are part of our family now. While some of the names may change over time what will never change is the support you will get and love and the understanding and valdation (I think thats what helps me the most the valadation).
James
 
I appreciate the thought but well....i just dnt agree. I am not new at dealing with this....but thanks for the thought. but no
 
buddah,

I know that it's a tough time of year for a lot of people, it is for me. This is the time for reflection on times past. I don't like to think about my past, it hurts too much. But posting here does help me, I don't have to translate or hold back. A lot of guys here just inherently understand and have guidance to share. I'm sorry you're so alone today, I've felt alone in a crowd, I'm alone now in so many ways. But I have hope for the future. I had love once, one day maybe I will again.

Take good care of yourself,

Steve
 
Buddah - Welcome to the site!! I too can feel that pain of loneliness and feeling abandoned and alone. This time of year intensifies that sense of things. This is a time when a friend can be really important. Is there someone in church that may "plug the hole" for a while during the season?

Family is a term that is weird, odd and fluid for a lot of people. What we were raised believing as family may not fit what we needed and today, the best we can do is re-define family by our current needs. Many who were born into "families" discovered that that "family" caused hurt, pain, destruction...which we didn't need BUT lacked the ability to provide a sense of protection, support, love, inclusion (etc.) which we did need. Those discovering this may need to set about searching for those who become the family that will help with their needs. Many of the people I serve are in families but not their "birth family". In most cases (if not all) it was a necessary move to help them survive and have as "normal" a life experience as possible.

I'm sorry you have had such sadness and pain. Perhaps you can find some support or direction here.

Howard
 
Welcome. As other say, I am sorry that you have need for this site, but I am grateful that it is here for you. I hope you find it very helpful to you, a place of advice and support. I wish you well.

leosha
 
Hey there, Buddah:

I'm new here, too... just signed on for the first time tonight.

Hang in there, man. This site is nothing if not a place to show that you >absolutely< are not alone!

The New Year is coming, and I have a good feeling about it. Well, most of the time!

Best to yez,

Kurt
 
i struggle with feeling isolated and alone, so i guess i understand. i have a wife and kids, a family to go home to, but i still feel very much alone. i have concluded that it predates even the abuse, so i guess it is just part of who i am. it is a hard thing to live with, but i suspect you would feel detached and alone even with a house full of family. this is something i am working on, so i dont have any suggestions on how to overcome it. all i know to say is hang in there, and keep on working. hopefully someday you'll feel fulfilled and happy.
 
Buddah: Belated welcome from me also:

Family is supposed to be forever but not in my life. What have I done to deserve living this cursed life that I have been given. I dont know. I will always be alone. I just have to accept it.
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I too felt the same way. Excedpt that my father did not abuse me sexually but physically and emotionally as did my grandfathers and uncles. Everyone used to beat the shit out of me. Then came 16 and the SA. I feel that my father sort of relinquished that title by what he did to me. O the other hand it was the thing to do in the 40s and 50s.

Now your father definitely is not entitled to that name.

But I did meet a wonderful woman with who I have been married to for over 36years and we have one 23 year old daughter. I found a family of my own and was adopted by my wife's family. I hid all SA and resulting shit till I wa 60 from all of them but now it is out and I am a part of them. It may seem dark right now but I believe that people come into our lives that can make a difference if we but accept it. You know by now that you are part of this brotherhood or extended family

To Kurt Welcome also to our family.
 
Buddah,

I'm glad you found this place. It's a shame any of us had to look for this place. I'm so glad that it's here, though.

You say that you are not new at dealing with this. That is good for you. I was completely new when I first came here. Heck, I'm still new at it.

One thing that worked for me when I first moved to this area, where I knew no one, was to use the interests and talents I had to seek groups. I made some connections with people like that, and it helped ease the loneliness. There must be computer clubs, hiking clubs, choirs, small theatre groups, all kinds of maritime activities, and whatever else in Seattle. Male survivors make damn fine rock climbers and painters, cyclists and cooks. You have a lot to offer, so why not go for it?

Kurt,

I wish you never had to seek such a site, either. None of us ever deserved the "qualifications" to need such a place. It's good to see the hope in your message, though. It shows me that a man can live through horror and hold his head high looking to the future. That's the kind of example I need to see. I have a better feeling about 2004 having read your message.

Thanks, guys,

Joe
 
Gents, THANK YOU for the words. I feel like finding this website was one of those Hand-of-God dealies. Just knowing other people have been through similar crap (and worse) makes a huge difference.

One of the things my counselor told me that really affected me ties into the advice to Buddah to get out there and try to be involved and active... I asked my counselor if I could still be a doctor as a Male Survivor of Abuse (in retrospect I felt stupid for asking, but at the moment it was a real fear). He paused, looked me in the eye, and told me "If you manage this well, it will make you a better doctor."

Not that it is a good thing to have happen, of course, but the fact that someone was abused does NOT negate all of their talents and gifts. All of those good traits are still there waiting to be used in our lives, and the more use we make of them, especially to help other people, the better, happier, and more fulfilling our lives become!

I see already from this site that MS's can have a depth of empathy and support not readily seen among other groups of people. I don't think that is >because< of the abuse, but it is because of having survived something terrible, wanting to help others avoid similar pain, and feeling a kinship with other survivors.

Rock on, people. And thanks again...

Kurt
 
Buddah and Kurt, I'm really glad you found this site when you needed it. The men here are caring and supportive beyond the call of duty.

One thing that seems to help me connect with people more is to make the effort to get out of my own head when I am around people, ask them something about themselves, listen to what they say, and reply with some of my own experience. In other words, focus on the mechanics of the conversation. This helps me actually be there in a real way with the other person, and then people actually seem to like me, and want to do other social things with me.

Also, I'm on Welbutrin, which is supposed to help with social anxiety, and I think it has helped me not get caught up in worrying about how stupid I look or act.

Jim
 
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