Newbie-Not sure how to begin?

Newbie-Not sure how to begin?
B

Bel07

Registrant
Hello,
First time here, not sure where to begin for my story has dragged on or has been surprised for over 40yrs. It would be a long story. I'm not sure how to share this.
I do feel some what alone at times, but I am glad to see I'm not alone and I am ready to share and start my new life after 40years of surprising my feelings of what happened when I was an pre teen.
 
Hi Bel07. I know exactly how u feel as I joined last September and was not sure what to say or think on here. Just take your time and welcome to the site!
 
Hi Jack 86,
And thank you from the stories I'm not alone, for me the CSA as destroyed many relationships and 1 marriage and trying to save a second. It's a major struggle and so little or it seems to me, to little place for a male to reach out after CSA has encountered.
 
Hi Bel07. I can relate. I felt the same way when I came to these sites. This is a safe site where you can remain anonymous and open up, get things out and work through them. I find it to be a major help because the people here have related backgrounds and can offer their insights, their experiences, with working things out. I hope you too, as many of us, find this a safe place for your healing journey. You are not alone, you can heal, it is never too late to start.
 
Thank you, it has been a long 40yrs. Of holding this in. To be honest I was hoping to take all of this to the grave at times.
 
Yes, on here.. perhaps more difficult with my wife. Its hard for her to understand what happened, why I didn't say anything, and what the effects it had on me and the actions it set forth for the majority of my life. The circumstances are amazing. The things I've done as a straight male is not freaking normal.. unfair. To little to late for me.
 
Does your wife know your full history? (Consequences of disclosing could be either she loves you and supports you more with understanding, or she may end your marriage as has happened to many survivors here that disclosed.) It is harder, I think, for partners to understand if they have no relevant experience to frame their understanding. Its hard enough for us; for them, understanding may be even harder.

Has she seen any of these threads that may help her understand the serious shame and humiliation, the fear of the consequences of disclosing, of losing the people we love through their judgement? Has she seen any threads that show how many of us end up with stronger more deeply loving relationships when we disclose to our partners? Has she seen threads that show how we can love, live with our internal pain and conflict, yet still remain faithful?

I know it is not much of an offering, and that the consequences can serious or even devastating, but I found, in my relationship, that the more I shared my feelings, (not necessarily specific details,) the more she cared for me, the more she understood and supported me on my healing journey. Others who have done the same have lost their relationships--I often wonder, though, if partners who leave ever truly loved the survivor, because love implies understanding and embracing the uniqueness of ones partner.
 
We have discussed this in detail now, and we are working thru this. For her it's more that I actually acted out some fantasies or perhaps just a deep desire I felt I needed. And it involved another man of course. And for her it was devastating. I don't think it will ever be the relationship we had in the past but we both want to try to work it or in some fashion.

It's been about a year since she has found out. And still here so that says alot for her. For me I have a long way to go.
 
We have discussed this in detail now, and we are working thru this. For her it's more that I actually acted out some fantasies or perhaps just a deep desire I felt I needed. And it involved another man of course. And for her it was devastating. I don't think it will ever be the relationship we had in the past but we both want to try to work it or in some fashion.

It's been about a year since she has found out. And still here so that says alot for her. For me I have a long way to go.

No I have not showed her the threads but she does know. I have shared other sites for her to view so she would have more understanding.
 
Good luck to you! Welcome here. Sorry that you need to be here. But just as the others have said, you're in a great place to start on the road. Go at your own pace. We'll be here with you along the way!
Peace
 
Thank you David, I am shocked as I was forced to come clean of what had happened to me that study shows 1 out of 6 men have been thru some form of sexual abuse and we typically never say a word about it do to the fear of judgement. We as young boys of my time men kept their feelings to themselves.
 
Bel. Thanks for sharing and welcome. we all have similar stories and are at different levels of our Healing Journeys. Let us know how we can help.

-Kal
 
Bel07 said:
Hello,
First time here, not sure where to begin for my story has dragged on or has been surprised for over 40yrs. It would be a long story. I'm not sure how to share this.
I do feel some what alone at times, but I am glad to see I'm not alone and I am ready to share and start my new life after 40years of surprising my feelings of what happened when I was an pre teen.
Click to expand...
Welcome and glad u found the site. I am new here too. Best wishes in healing...B
 
Bel - Welcome and as we say here - sorry for the reason you are here. Stay with the counseling. It does move on, even if it doesn't seem like that from this standpoint. Your wife needs to know that the abuse was not your fault. You had no voice, no support and no one to rescue you at the time. Just like the rest of us in here. Heal well, it all takes time.
 
Bel07 said:
Thank you David, I am shocked as I was forced to come clean of what had happened to me that study shows 1 out of 6 men have been thru some form of sexual abuse and we typically never say a word about it do to the fear of judgement. We as young boys of my time men kept their feelings to themselves.
Click to expand...
I would say that it is more like 1 in 3 men have been sexually abused but because it was an unmanly thing to happen to you at the hands of another man or if it was a woman that did it to you then it was considered unmanly to complain you just kept your mouth shut with either type of perp and if it was a family member then you really never thought about telling.
 
Within my time you did not speak of such things, then as a male adult you were taught to suppress emotions and be tough.
Now I as an older male twice married I was forced to come clean and didn't know how to do that.

I have realized there is alot of men in my situation that has carry this burden.
 
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