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shortstop

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I was reading many things here for a couple of weeks. I could see my life in some of the posts. So I feel fairly safe here.

I just started therapy for what happened. Haven't even told my wife yet. Don't know how I will.

I was raped by my babysitter. He was a teenager I guess. Was six then. And I have kept this secret for many many years. And talking to my psychologist about it is hard. I don't want him to think I let it happen. I don't know any others who have done what I did back then. I am a little, no, a lot scared that everyone will find out. My Mom and Dad have no idea. I don't want to tell them and hurt them.

I will stop for now. But I am glad I found this place.
 
Shortstop

Hi and welcome to the site, glad you feel fairly safe here. I found telling the secret very hard too, we dont have to do it all at once. There is no way the psychologist would think you let it happen, you were just six thats so small and vulnerable, you were in no way to blame. As kids we think its our fault thats the only way we knew how to cope with it. It took some time for me to realise that I was a totally innocent good little kid.

You dont have to tell anyone else until you are ready and no one will find out unless and until you choose to tell them.

Glad you found this place too,

Rustam
 
Hi shortstop, I am happy for you that you found this place! I am sorry about what happen to you. In case you have not found them yet, here is a list of articles. https://www.malesurvivor.org/Professionals/Articles/index.htm

One of the guys posted this link also. https://www.phac-aspc.gc.ca/ncfv-cnivf/familyviolence/

I found this web page at the same time I found this site, it is a short list that will help straighten out some of the myths that are running around in your head, and stopping you from seeking help. https://www.rapecrisiscenter.com/Male%20Rape%20Info%20Sheet.html

Do come back and post messages. You do not have to post about what happened to you until you are ready. Until then, post about anything at all. When you feel you can handle it then tell your wife, you will know when.
Again I am glad you are here.
Lostcowboy
 
Shortstop
I hope you make MS a 'longstop', the support, help and friendship here is as good as it gets.

I don't want him to think I let it happen. I don't know any others who have done what I did back then.
Click to expand...
My friend, you were SIX years old. Walk down a street and look at the young kids holding their parents hands, could you have possibly fought him off? no, what happened wasn't your fault.

You have no guilt or shame to carry, the abuser has it all - and deserves all of it and more.
So tell your therapist about it - in your own time of course - but don't be frightened about talking to a therapist. They're trained to listen and help, NOTHING you tell them will shock them. And a good therapist will NEVER pass judgment on you either.

Someday you might find that it feels right to tell your wife, but again that's your decision. You'll know when that time comes. The chances are you'll be supported and loved in a way that you don't believe possible at the moment.

I think you're close to starting you healing from reading your short post, so there's some work to be done. And I would never lie to another Survivor and tell them it was going to be easy, because it isn't. But it IS possible.
You've done the hardest bit, accepting that you were abused and starting therapy, so don't fear what's coming. Embrace it, and reclaim your life.

Dave
 
Shortstop,

First of all welcome. I am glad you checked this place out before you joined. Now I can say I wish you didn't need it. Just as I wish that none of us did.

As others have said, take it at your own speed. Tell what you can and don't feel bad for what you are not ready to share yet.

We will help as much as we can. And you will always find a listening ear here to let you get it out.

Peace,

Marc
 
shortstop,

I'm glad you are reaching out to other people. The worst feeling is that you are completely alone, but you aren't, non of us is. Getting into therapy is a huge thing. It really helps me, I hope it helps you deal with what you went through. If your therapost did imply that it was your fault, he would be the one who was wrong.

Jim
 
Shortstop, hope you have a long stop. It must feel so good to tell others the deepest secret of your life. It is so hard to keep these dark secrets and mask them out for years.

Don't worry, your psychiatrist will never think it was your fault. If he does, then report him.

take care,

ste
 
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