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[theduke]

in early childhood I stayed with my grandmother a lot she was a nurse at a local hospital. she insisted on enamas daily while i was with her. from there she would use the rounded end of a butter knife to stick in my anus. i can remember at that young of age of getting erections. from there on out my youth it felt good to have some object inserted anally. then came they day i was in my forties i got a bottle stuck and had to have it removed by surgery what an embarassment to me and my wife of 25 years she had no idea until i told her of my past. recently she discovered that i had inserted a cucumber into my anus. i am trying to cope with my past any advice?

 

[dwf]

Hello, the duke,

I'm no expert in this matter. I am though a man who has survived being sexually abused by someone whose job it was to protect me.

From the brief description you gave of what happened to you at the hands of your grandmother, I would say that you were most definitely the victim of sexual abuse.

I would also want to tell you that what happened to you was most definitely NOT your fault. If you enjoyed the experience, if you grew to associate it with love, if you experienced erections or orgasms as a result of what was done, it still does not mean that you are responsible.

Our bodies are programmed to respond to certain physical stimuli such as touch and pressure. This physical program will occur sometimes no matter how inappropriate the situation or even how unwelcome the attention.

As far as I know, the anus is an important area of the body that contains lots of nerves. Many people feel a lot pleasure, sexual and otherwise, when stimulated in that spot.

With the help of a good therapist it will be possible for you to come to a better understanding and more acceptance of yourself.

Having contact with men who understand what we have gone through is the perfect complement to the therapeutic relationship with a good counsellor.

So, buddy, you're in the right place and you're asking the right questions.

I'm so sorry for what was done to you. Sexual abuse of a child is a horrible crime. When it is perpertrated by a guardian figure its horror is amplified.

I'm glad that you are here and have had the courage to write about what happened to you.
This is a safe place for you to finally begin to free yourself of those horrible burdens of shame and guilt.

Once we begin to do that, those other dilemnas we face don't seem quite so hard to overcome.

Be gentle with yourself, my friend. You have suffered enough. Now it's time to heal.

That's what this place is for.

Welcome and come back often. You will get better.

Your brother,

 

[zadok1]

to begin, you are who you are. because of my past, i get sexual pleasure from many things i shouldnt, including penetration. i have learned that part of me is forever part of me. it is kind of like trying to pretend you're a woman when you are all man, you can deny what you really are, but the physical facts say otherwise. i have also learned that what feels good, feels good. it's okay to enjoy the sensations and feelings of these things. liking to be penetrated doesnt make you a pervert or a monster. it is just a sexual act, like a thousand others. relax and enjoy who and what you are.

i also want to talk to you about choice. we can enjoy a thing, and still choose for other reasons not to partake of it. i enjoy sex with strange women, but because i have promised my self to another, i dont act on it. only you can judge if enjoying penetration is something you need to avoid, or if it can be a healthy part of your life. if so, you can examine it, and decide what limits you need to place on it. clearly the bottle and vegi are perhaps over the line, but there are toys. now that your wife knows the truth, perhaps she might even be willing to explore that part of things.

though i havent acted on it since i was like 13 or 14, i am turned on by bestiality. my wife and i roleplay in order that i can express that part of me without crossing any lines. for me, actually having my wife do an animal would be immoral big time, but we can pretend without offeneding our faith or our morality.

i believe that you will find what happened affects you far more than you yet realize. you are in the right place to explore just how much more. keep asking and keep talking, you'll be amazed how much it helps.

welcome.

 

[Green]

TheDuke,

For whatever it is worth, enamas were a big part of my childhood. Also, like you, my caretaker was my abuser.

Green

 

[Lloydy]

Zadok
I admire your strength and courage to make that post, but most of all I admire the way you've dealt with your.......problem.

It might be unfair to call it a problem. After all what we do in our fantasies, if we can contain it, is harmeless enough.

Having the courage to release it the way you do is a wonderful thing.

Dave

 

[Leosha]

Hello, I am mostly new of this also. I am so much sorry of what happens at you when you are child. That to me, it is definite that you have the mental and physical trauma. And I do believe it is of sexual abuse.

Again, I am sorry that you have so much the hard experience, of to have the surgery. I think you do need to talk of the past, and try to rediscover of how those things have affected you, as you are today, and who you become. I do not wish to appear pushy, but I just start in therapy the last few weeks. And it feel some good, to talk at someone who is professional. I do not know it helps me so much yet, because I still am in fear of sharing of too much. But I know that it will help.

I wish you luck, and wish you well.

Leosha