new to this...need advice

[wounded healer]

Hey, my older brother called me on the phone two months ago drunk and told me that our uncle molested him as a child. He also called our older sister and told her too. My sister and I have been very supportive and loving (we think and hope), but it is hard to talk to him about it. He doesn't really want to talk about it and since we both live 1 and a half hours away from him we only see him with other family members. I did go to see him one time alone and he didn't want to see me. He was seeing a therapist, but did not tell him about the molestation and stopped seeing him. I sent him the name of four therapists in his area that specialize in this along with some stuff from this website, but he hasn't mentioned it to me. He is an alcoholic and he isolates himself so often. I'm so worried about him. I don't know how often I should bring it up and how much I should encourage him to go to therapy. I just love him so much and it kills me to see him hurting so much. Any advice?

 

[sophiesdad]

I can't give advice, but I will tell you what I would do if it were MY brother:

Since there doesn't seem to be a lot of cohesiveness as a family about the subject, an intervention may not be the best choice. Plus, he would probably feel betrayed as far as the abuse issues are concerned.
I would probably write a heart-to-heart letter explaining my concern and letting him know that I am there when the time comes that he's comfortable talking about it. I WOULD include the fact that it is gut-wrenching to see him using alcohol to dull the pain and shame.
Sometimes in life we can only provide an open path for someone in the hope that they will take the chance and come to us for help.
The only time (I think) that you can or should step in would be if it's getting to the point that he's a threat to himself or others. In the meantime, provide a loving and safe atmosphere and hopefully he will trust enough to let go of some of that hidden shame, anger and sorrow.
Hope the info helps.

Sophiesdad

 

[Muldoon]

I had to start dealing with Sexual Abuse before I ever dealt with my drinking. I wasted a lot of my life running from the SA as a lonely drunk.

You may need to hold his hand and help him get started but it will change his life. Help him take the big step and find a Therapist. We realy need professional help to begin our Healing journy.

I think he needs to get help for the SA and then the drinking would be a secondry issue.
Tom