New therapist fired me

[SoccerStar]

He is not prepared to deal with the issues I brought up. Every issue I brought up was listed in his focus areas on his Zocdoc profile! The right words plus immediate availability was why I chose him in the first place. But he explained that you are allowed to list topics you WANT TO COVER SOMEDAY right alongside those you actually can cover....

He has only ever had 1 adult patient before me. This seems like it should have been more important to highlight on his profile! It wasn't there at all!

His team recommended me a practice that specializes in sex / porn / gambling addictions. This probably would help but I am on my wife's health insurance and would really prefer having just a dr's name, not a clinic that could be associated with such things.

I had a wonderful therapist who worked with me for years and truly saved my life at least twice. She came out of retirement to work with me again last year, we said our goodbyes again back in February, and I can't stand the thought of running back to her begging again now that she's 82. All of her recommendations are retired too. There used to be individualized pages and office hours, not this dystopian Tinder-listing telescreen headphones-wearing shit.

 

[cbkid]

Obviously you need a new therapist. Perhaps someone in the Therapist Directory would know of someone close to where you live.

It is not easy. Although my therapist doesn't always provide me with solutions to my phobias and problems, she does act as a catalyst for independent thought on my part. I come up with the solutions to my problems!

Like, pushing people away, especially, women. My solution is to become acquainted on a personable level with the ladies. Banter, small by meaningful conversation appears to be the first step toward deeper understanding and perhaps, a relationship.

Then, there was, and still is, my drinking problem. Since I am retired, I have chosen to view the world as an emotional landscape and I find booze distorts and blurs the emotions I experience. When I am sober, my view, or emotions are crisp and clear to me, I think. That is important to me because I like to draw pictures. Plus, booze destroys brain cells and I will need as much brain power as possible to resolve and externalize the internal conflict from my assault. So, "easy does it" on the liquor.

 

[WeDeservedBetter]

This sounds very tough. I feel for you. You definitely need a new therapist. I can't tell you what to do, but I recommend a trauma informed therapist that also specializes in sexual abuse maybe even somatic or IFS. Unfortunately, the thrrapist cant fix or make things go away, they can only be there and guide you to your own realizations and solutions. This gets more to the heart of the matter that underlies coping mechanisms like drinking and gambling. I'm talking as a former addict to many things in life over the years that I used to cope.
My heart goes out. I know this stuff isn't easy, in fact it's really fucking hard. I believe you can do this and send my support your way. Wish you the best.
I want to add that I'm not advocating for any particular modality or method. One thing I've learned is that it's been a mix of different things that has helped along the way both in therapy and outside therapy. Not that everything is fixed by any means as it's a long journey. Each one of us will find bits of different experiences on this journey that is personally helpful to each of us. So you will find out what helps you. It's part of the difficult exploration. Again

 

[LittleSteve]

Thank God that he did, he would not have been prepared to handle the things that you need. You need a therapist that specializes and is trauma aware and has the training in these types of issues. He sounds like a very general therapist. I’d be like going to your general practice doctor for heart surgery. This is a specialized area of therapy and it sounds like your previous therapist was absolutely wonderful. Unless the therapist actually specializes in this area, I would avoid them like the plague. And regardless of what he put in his profile, kudos to him for not accepting you as a patient. He probably would’ve done more damage, than helped you.

 

[FindingLoveInMyself]

@SoccerStar that is so incredibly frustrating! I wish you the best in finding another therapist who can be of help to you.

 

[Gomers]

When I eventually plucked up the courage to go to my Doctor and tell him, he refered me to a Talking Therapist organisation. I'm in the UK so referals aren't quick. I eventually got a date for a a session and after preparing myself and spending an hour spilling my story for the first time, they thanked me, told me I was brave and they would be in touch. 2 weeks later they sent a letter saying after review they would not be able to offer me therapy and provided a list of other organisations and charities.

This hit me so hard. I took it as that I was not worth it, I didn't deserve helping. It took me another couple of years and thngs to spiral much deeper before I was able to go back to my GP and was refered to a different orgaisationa nd started on my therapy journey. I was initially given a 10 week course then they extended it to the maximum 22 weeks that the NHS can provide. I now continue with weekly private sessions.

Looking back, the 1st organisation didn't have the specialism to deal with my CSA and PTSD. It would probably have been a disaster if they had tried to work with me. The way they let me know was shit support, but I now realise it wasn't a reflection of me. It was a reflection on their lack of specialisation and poor patient support.

I think you missed a bullet, go find someone who will give you the support and then you will look back on them and realise, you were lucky not to have followed through with them.

 

[usmc97]

He is not prepared to deal with the issues I brought up.....

I promise you, there are therapists who are equipped out there. Sometimes as you most likely already know it takes a while to find the right one, which sucks and is exhausting!, but it's worth it just like your past therapist. I'm a counselor myself and I had to look for someone right for me. I had to make a lot of phone calls and a few intake sessions to find the right guy for me. I've been with him for years and hope to stay with him as long as possible with all that he has done to help me make it through week to week. I wish you the best in your search... keep moving forward brother. You deserve so much

 

[GaD3!]

Excuse me, but I am a hot tempered Spaniard. That is bull shit on steroids!!! Topics that you want to cover someday?!!! Talking about false advertising! Obviously this pisses me off.

I dealt with a similar situation early this year. I was seeing T who tried, but he was in way above his head in dealing with my situation. I stopped seeing him and thought I would be ok, well the PTSD had other ideas, so I needed to find another T. I found one who sounded like he was qualified. I emailed him explaining my situation, point blank. He called me and I again told him exactly what I am dealing with and he said he was willing to work with me, set up an appointment explained where his office was, where to park, about the waiting area etc.. Five minutes later he called back and then tole me he did not think he could work with me and referred to someone else -a female. I personally prefer to work with a male T due to the nature of my abuse. I called her, she did not sound too happy about the referral, and when I told her exactly the type of abuse, her response after a pause- "that is bad". She then said she would send all the intake "paper work' and told me to fill it out. I did- in detail and in so doing shared what I consider private/ personal information and sent it back to her The next morning she called and told me that she could not work with me, citing some insurance bs- even though she is a listed provider and I specifically told her what insurance I have, so more Bs! Obviously she did not want to deal with the issue. Then more searching for a T. I did get several responses. I contacted the first one who responded and again specifically told him what I am dealing with. He told me he was willing to work with me. We have been working together since February and he is a good T. He is a trauma specialist with close to 20 years experience.

The point of my long winded story is- don't give up, and as others have stated you need a T who specializes in sexual abuse and trauma issues, a regular T even if they have the issues listed along with 20 other things rarely has the training or experience to truly help survivors. As I explained even when I was very explicit I still had problems finding someone. There are qualified therapist out there just keep looking even though it can be frustrating. I searched for therapists on Psychology Today, the first two jerked me around and the third one is the one I see now. Persistence pays off. Please take good care and I hope you can get the help you need soon.

 

[AnonRob]

When I eventually plucked up the courage to go to my Doctor and tell him, he refered me to a Talking Therapist organisation. I'm in the UK so referals aren't quick. I eventually got a date for a a session and after preparing myself and spending an hour spilling my story for the first time, they thanked me, told me I was brave and they would be in touch. 2 weeks later they sent a letter saying after review they would not be able to offer me therapy and provided a list of other organisations and charities.

This hit me so hard. I took it as that I was not worth it, I didn't deserve helping. It took me another couple of years and thngs to spiral much deeper before I was able to go back to my GP and was refered to a different orgaisationa nd started on my therapy journey. I was initially given a 10 week course then they extended it to the maximum 22 weeks that the NHS can provide. I now continue with weekly private sessions.

Looking back, the 1st organisation didn't have the specialism to deal with my CSA and PTSD. It would probably have been a disaster if they had tried to work with me. The way they let me know was shit support, but I now realise it wasn't a reflection of me. It was a reflection on their lack of specialisation and poor patient support.

I think you missed a bullet, go find someone who will give you the support and then you will look back on them and realise, you were lucky not to have followed through with them.

When I went to a first T session i told her about the abuse and my shame over being gay,at the end she said I need to talk with my siupervisor and said I’ll get back to in 2 weeks. A month passed I called she said oh sorry I think you need a therapist that specializes in gay issues, this despite her profile on psychology website saying I’m an lgbtq ally etc. I searched and searched until I found one who sounded more of an ally,to her credit she says there’s no such thing as tmi here, but I’ve stopped going for now as we re at the stage of me ready to fully accept being gay. Not there yet