New ---- pain
New ---- pain
- Thread startersai
- Start date
Sai
yes, the pain does ease off. It might never go away, but we can learn how to cope with the pain.
Suicide isn't the answer, it never is. Although I don't know you and we live on different sides of the Atlantic I know that your life is valuable and important to me and everyone else, especially your family and friends.
Whatever your story is it's YOUR story, YOUR pain, and it's something YOU can learn to process in a different way.
We can't force ourselves to forget, everyone here has tried and it just doesn't happen. We live with the memories, but we live with them in such a way that they don't rule our lives any more, we 'rule' the memories.
I would say that therapy is almost certainly essential, and good specialised therapy is bound to be available in NY.
A therapist who specialises in sexual abuse, or at least have very good knowledge of it knows the score, and you're not going to shock or disgust them either because it's what they do, they have the skill and training to deal with it.
So that, in my opinion, is the way to go.
Until therapy comes, then stick around here. We also know and understand how you feel, and the friendship and support here is as good as it gets.
Remember this though, "you are NOT alone, we're here with you".
Take care.
Dave
yes, the pain does ease off. It might never go away, but we can learn how to cope with the pain.
Suicide isn't the answer, it never is. Although I don't know you and we live on different sides of the Atlantic I know that your life is valuable and important to me and everyone else, especially your family and friends.
Whatever your story is it's YOUR story, YOUR pain, and it's something YOU can learn to process in a different way.
We can't force ourselves to forget, everyone here has tried and it just doesn't happen. We live with the memories, but we live with them in such a way that they don't rule our lives any more, we 'rule' the memories.
I would say that therapy is almost certainly essential, and good specialised therapy is bound to be available in NY.
A therapist who specialises in sexual abuse, or at least have very good knowledge of it knows the score, and you're not going to shock or disgust them either because it's what they do, they have the skill and training to deal with it.
So that, in my opinion, is the way to go.
Until therapy comes, then stick around here. We also know and understand how you feel, and the friendship and support here is as good as it gets.
Remember this though, "you are NOT alone, we're here with you".
Take care.
Dave
sai i'm also new here ,i have the same questions ,but when i think about just ending it ,killing the pain for good ,i have to remember how hard that little 11 year old kid fought to give me the chance to be here today ,his pain was so much greater then than mine is now ,yet he never took the easy way out ,he hung onto life like a bear, he suffered unthinkable torture,and humiliation all so i could live ,that little kid still lives inside of me .how could i let him down and end my life ,no matter how bad it hurts i can't let that little boy down. shadow
roadrunner
Registrant
Sai,
There is so much to be said in response to your post, but let me just say that those emotions you mention have a lot to do with feeling alone, ashamed and guilty. Resist them! Abuse of a child is never the child's fault, and if you hang with us you will get a lot of help on problems of importance to you.
Don't try to go too fast, just set your own pace and everyone here will understand. This place is a very useful way to get advice and share, but as others above have already said, recovering from sexual abuse isn't a do-it-yourself project.
Welcome to MS, and I hope you soon feel comfortable here.
Much love,
Larry
There is so much to be said in response to your post, but let me just say that those emotions you mention have a lot to do with feeling alone, ashamed and guilty. Resist them! Abuse of a child is never the child's fault, and if you hang with us you will get a lot of help on problems of importance to you.
Don't try to go too fast, just set your own pace and everyone here will understand. This place is a very useful way to get advice and share, but as others above have already said, recovering from sexual abuse isn't a do-it-yourself project.
Welcome to MS, and I hope you soon feel comfortable here.
Much love,
Larry
sai,
Welcome to our little world here at Male Survivor. I too can say that the pain does ease. But like others have said, we never forget. It will alway carry a certain amount of pain.
You know what tho? I'm not sure that I ever want it go away entirely. I don't want to forget it completly because I'm afraid that if I forget, I will lose the passion to protect the next generation, I will loose the fire that now burns within me to see that sexual abuse of children becomes a thing of the past, to work to see that abusers are put away where they belong forever if possible.
I guess that is what Dave (Lloydy) means when he says that the pain no longer rules us, but we rule it.
Hang around with us here, sai. There is no pressure to tell your story if you feel you can't. Many have found that it helps a lot, but only when the time is right. Only you know when that is. In the mean time just lurk here and post when and if you wish.
Courage my friend,
John
Welcome to our little world here at Male Survivor. I too can say that the pain does ease. But like others have said, we never forget. It will alway carry a certain amount of pain.
You know what tho? I'm not sure that I ever want it go away entirely. I don't want to forget it completly because I'm afraid that if I forget, I will lose the passion to protect the next generation, I will loose the fire that now burns within me to see that sexual abuse of children becomes a thing of the past, to work to see that abusers are put away where they belong forever if possible.
I guess that is what Dave (Lloydy) means when he says that the pain no longer rules us, but we rule it.
Hang around with us here, sai. There is no pressure to tell your story if you feel you can't. Many have found that it helps a lot, but only when the time is right. Only you know when that is. In the mean time just lurk here and post when and if you wish.
Courage my friend,
John
Sai, I have to agree with shadow. I feel like ending it daily and so do my alters but if we did it wouldn't change the past. I don't believe the pain and the hurt will ever go away, at least for me, but I do believe that were here for a reason. What that reason is, I don't know. But I'm sure there's at least one person I've helped that'll miss me if I die. -Donnie
Sal,
Things do get better. The raw feelings that recalling your abuse stir up will become much easier to deal with. I live in the NEW York Metro Area and have been seeing a therapist I found on this web site. He has an office in White Plains and in Manhattan. I started to feel better after the first visit. I think allot has to do with where you are in your recovery.
You might want to consult with a doctor in regard to your difficulty sleeping and feeling suicidal. Just starting the process of seeking help is empowering. You can control this and will recovery.
Take care,
JAAy
Things do get better. The raw feelings that recalling your abuse stir up will become much easier to deal with. I live in the NEW York Metro Area and have been seeing a therapist I found on this web site. He has an office in White Plains and in Manhattan. I started to feel better after the first visit. I think allot has to do with where you are in your recovery.
You might want to consult with a doctor in regard to your difficulty sleeping and feeling suicidal. Just starting the process of seeking help is empowering. You can control this and will recovery.
Take care,
JAAy
Its not only the insomnia but i just feel like i don't trust anyone. I'm having a hard time going through colllege and living life at the same time but i feel useless if i don't go to class. I don't trust people that i should including my brother even though he has done little to not trust him.
Sai, Hang on. Talk. Tell us how you feel. It hurts. We know that. Above all, don't beat yourself up. Suicide is never the answer, but we all understand. Sometimes you just don't want it to hurt like that any more. But it does get better. It does. Come here. Let it out. Tell us how it feels. For me, that's so important...that someone else knows how it feels and cares how it feels and really understands how it feels. Just clearing it out once in awhile helps so much. Stay with us, Sai. Read our stories. And, when you're ready, tell us yours. You'll be surprised how much we understand about your pain and how much you understand about ours. People care here....about you. They really do.
Bobby
Bobby
Sai,
I can tell you from my own experience finishing up high school and attending college was a very upsetting event. It was the first time in my life that I was making my own choices....major, friends, partwork and who to date. All of these things had me confused and for awhile I felt like I was going nuts. To make a long story short after I earned my degree I did not have the skills needed to interview and get a job. I went to the placement office and took a test to see if I had any interest in working in the business world. The therapist gave me feedback in regard to the test and then inquired "tell me about your childhood" and what was your "father like". I was not ready to open up and replied he was a hard worker. The therapist responsed we want to help but you have to let us in.
This haunts me till this day. Recovery is long, hard work. I have avoided therapy and talking about my abuse on and off over the last 20 years but you will feel free and happier once you address the betrayal that has occured.
Take good care of yourself. Your soul is very much alive. It has brought to this place and it will bring you to happier times.
Peace!
Jaay
I can tell you from my own experience finishing up high school and attending college was a very upsetting event. It was the first time in my life that I was making my own choices....major, friends, partwork and who to date. All of these things had me confused and for awhile I felt like I was going nuts. To make a long story short after I earned my degree I did not have the skills needed to interview and get a job. I went to the placement office and took a test to see if I had any interest in working in the business world. The therapist gave me feedback in regard to the test and then inquired "tell me about your childhood" and what was your "father like". I was not ready to open up and replied he was a hard worker. The therapist responsed we want to help but you have to let us in.
This haunts me till this day. Recovery is long, hard work. I have avoided therapy and talking about my abuse on and off over the last 20 years but you will feel free and happier once you address the betrayal that has occured.
Take good care of yourself. Your soul is very much alive. It has brought to this place and it will bring you to happier times.
Peace!
Jaay
Mike Church
Registrant
Sai> I too welcome you. Listen to what the others have said. If you are looking for a therapist try this url here.
https://www.malesurvivor.org/Resource%20Directory/New%20York/index.htm
Trust is a huge issue with us. Our trust was badly damaged and we move into a defensive mode to prevent letting anyone close to us. This is normal. Thing is TRUST is a basic human emotion and by building walls to protect ourselves from having that trust betrayed again we build a prison for ourselves.
You are in the right place. We are all here for the same reason " To live life as we were meant to". You will find no bigotry or racism of any kind. Nobody can understand how someone else feels but we here do know what it does to us all. We are all here to help each other.
https://www.malesurvivor.org/Resource%20Directory/New%20York/index.htm
Trust is a huge issue with us. Our trust was badly damaged and we move into a defensive mode to prevent letting anyone close to us. This is normal. Thing is TRUST is a basic human emotion and by building walls to protect ourselves from having that trust betrayed again we build a prison for ourselves.
You are in the right place. We are all here for the same reason " To live life as we were meant to". You will find no bigotry or racism of any kind. Nobody can understand how someone else feels but we here do know what it does to us all. We are all here to help each other.
I actually started to see a therapist about a month ago. But i have panic attacks the night before seing the therapist. For the last three sessions.
Here is bascially what happend some of it is hard to remember because i try to forget it.
I was about 12-13 years old off from school on summer vacation. My mother was recovering from breast cancer. She felt as if it would be a good idea to spend some time with some family freindsthat were pretty religous. They had two nephews who i stayed with they were 12 and 16 years old. One night they tricked me into taking my boxers off when we were about to go to sleep Everyone else was a sleep at this time. They raped me i didnt offer to much resistance. thats what scares me to be honest. I feel as if i could have stopped them. I feel as if i should have done more to stop them.
Here is bascially what happend some of it is hard to remember because i try to forget it.
I was about 12-13 years old off from school on summer vacation. My mother was recovering from breast cancer. She felt as if it would be a good idea to spend some time with some family freindsthat were pretty religous. They had two nephews who i stayed with they were 12 and 16 years old. One night they tricked me into taking my boxers off when we were about to go to sleep Everyone else was a sleep at this time. They raped me i didnt offer to much resistance. thats what scares me to be honest. I feel as if i could have stopped them. I feel as if i should have done more to stop them.
roadrunner
Registrant
Sai,
I think it's pretty common for survivors new to therapy to panic before seeing their T. It comes down to a fear that the T will uncover things that you don't know about or will be unwilling to acknowledge. Therapy digs up all kids of stuff that is difficult to manage anyway, and maybe you are moving too fast. Talk to your T about this. It's the T's job to help you along with the minimum of pain and trauma.
A lot of guys will tell you they feel the same way as you about their abuse: I should/could have done more to stop it. But a 12 yo boy is not responsible for knowing ways to stop aggressive and abusive cousins in a strange environment when the boy is just getting over the serious illness of his mother. How would you have known what to do or say bro? Don't accept any responsibility for what they did to you. It's all their fault - let them have the blame.
Much love,
Larry
I think it's pretty common for survivors new to therapy to panic before seeing their T. It comes down to a fear that the T will uncover things that you don't know about or will be unwilling to acknowledge. Therapy digs up all kids of stuff that is difficult to manage anyway, and maybe you are moving too fast. Talk to your T about this. It's the T's job to help you along with the minimum of pain and trauma.
A lot of guys will tell you they feel the same way as you about their abuse: I should/could have done more to stop it. But a 12 yo boy is not responsible for knowing ways to stop aggressive and abusive cousins in a strange environment when the boy is just getting over the serious illness of his mother. How would you have known what to do or say bro? Don't accept any responsibility for what they did to you. It's all their fault - let them have the blame.
Much love,
Larry
Sai-
I'm glad to read that you are seeing a therapist.
Be brave and trust that if you continue to tell
your story and trust that if you let out some of your emotions while telling your story to your therapist, you're going to start to feel a little better.
Sharing your story and learning from other people's stories is always healing.
Have faith.
I'm glad to read that you are seeing a therapist.
Be brave and trust that if you continue to tell
your story and trust that if you let out some of your emotions while telling your story to your therapist, you're going to start to feel a little better.
Sharing your story and learning from other people's stories is always healing.
Have faith.