New Memory

Riley

Registrant
So I was looking through some old pictures today. I didn't really know what I was looking for but I found it and it sucks.

I'm not feeling very poetic so I'll just say it. My Mom used to grab and pinch my ass constantly. It sounds stupid when I say it like that. It wasn't sexual at all (she used to say it was just so cute) but because I was being molested by my brother and having my boundaries crossed almost everyday I think I felt violated. I begged her to stop and she never did until I was in my teens.

I don't view this as child abuse or anything but perhaps this lack of boundaries is why I never stopped my brother. Perhaps this explains a real mistrustful and cold relationship with my parents.

Whats your guys take on this, am I overreacting because I'm in a lousy mood, is this type of behavior normal?
 
Riley,

If you ask someone to stop touching you in any matter that you find unacceptable and they ignore your request. Is at least inapproite if not right out abusive in my opinion. if nothing else your mother had serios boundaries issues.

Mike
 
Riley,
Her unwanted pinching caused both physical pain and psychological humiliation. It was certainly abusive, in my not so humble opinion. You had every right to hate it. Both I and many of my male survivor friends endured similar incidences. Because of the other abuse, even good and appropriate touch were often excruciating for us to accept, let alone inappropriate touch, even of a non-sexual variety.
I had to confront my mother about unwanted touching that I felt was infantilizing and humiliating, and after a number of verbal and emotional battles, she finally got the message and stopped. It has made our relationship much better. Just today I told her I was having a bad PTSD day, and she was sympathetic, which was very helpful. Sometimes, relationships have to get worse before they get better, because conflict can lead to the offender realizing that they need to observe the other person's boundaries. To love someone is to respect their boundaries.
My sincere hope is that you will feel very affirmed by this post. You are not crazy, and you are not over-reacting. It seems to me that you are re-discovering your boundaries, and I would suggest that this is a very healthy process.
Anarion
 
Top