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Roderick

Happy to see that there is a website out here that deals with the issues that we men face on a
day to day basis, as a result of having been
sexually abused as children.
The cliff notes version of my story: My abuse started when I was 4 years years old by a SOB teenage male neighbor and lasted for a shortwhile. Then I was seduced by my older brother in law when I was 9 years old and that lasted for several years til I told him to
leave me the fuck alone.
I then began acted out sexually at the age of 13
and had numerous male and female sexual experiences til I got married to a wonderful woman at the age of 29, after many years of
therapy.
I am now 45 years old, still married to that
lovely lady and have two children.
But I am still so angry at the fucking world
for what happened to me when I was a boy. It's as if there is such a huge weight of sadness sometimes that weighs me down, and I just feel so
sad, so alone.
When I make love to my wife the sex is pretty
wonderful, but lately it feels that my potency is
deminishing.
I also have gay fantasies that have been with me since I was a kid and masturbating to them still
turns me on. But after I do masturbate I feel very sad and empty.
I guess the thing that I struggle with is my anger, and frustration that
I never knew who the "me", would have been had all the sexual abuse not happened. And the rage I feel at times in my loneliness in struggling
what it is to be a man, a father, and a husband.
I have always difficult time in trusting other men, and developing real friendships.
My anger issues get in the way with my wife and children, and I suspect it goes back to feeling
alone with my anger all of my life when it came to being able to share it with my family growing up.
I am just glad to see there is a place
I can share these issues with others who really
understand.
 
Hi Roderick - We do understand and I think that you'll find many of us here share the same feelings and troubles you have shared. Thanks for sharing and good for you for having the courage to do so.

I welcome you here and hope you're able to find as much support, wisdom, caring and understanding as I have. Peace - John
 
Welcome Roderick. The issues you raise are pretty much common to male SA victims. I'm glad you found us. Peace, Andrew
 
Roderick,

Welcome. How did you know my story? There is so much the same. I too feel that anger and frustration. Been there done that, didn't like it any better than you did. I'm glad you found us. you are among friends here.

Darrel
 
Roderick, welcome. I don't want to detract from your situation nor how your abuse has affected you. Nor can I really add to it.

The reason is because I can pretty much tick alongside everything you said, feel, fear and are concerned about.

Let's all grow together towards a more fulifiiled, recovering life.
 
Glad to read that there are other men out there in the world who struggle with the same issues
I do.
I feel so guilty sometimes that the struggle to be "OK with me" is such a day to day thing.
I know that it takes courage to be real about all the stuff we men have gone through, I mean to really deal with the painful feelings and the painful memories.
But it's really the day to day interaction with family,friends, co-workers, etc., and really trying to stay connected to myself and the moment so that I don't feel inadequate and act out of something that isn't in the present.
Are you with me guys?
Thanks for your support guys.
 
Yup! Been there! Done that! Of course, we are each unique and no two stories are exactly the same. But, so many common threads are to be found here. You are not alone. Your MS "brothers" do understand.
Love, etc.,
 
Originally posted by Roderick:
Happy to see that there is a website out here that deals with the issues that we men face on a
day to day basis, as a result of having been
sexually abused as children.
The cliff notes version of my story: My abuse started when I was 4 years years old by a SOB teenage male neighbor and lasted for a shortwhile. Then I was seduced by my older brother in law when I was 9 years old and that lasted for several years til I told him to
leave me the fuck alone.
I then began acted out sexually at the age of 13
and had numerous male and female sexual experiences til I got married to a wonderful woman at the age of 29, after many years of
therapy.
I am now 45 years old, still married to that
lovely lady and have two children.
But I am still so angry at the fucking world
for what happened to me when I was a boy. It's as if there is such a huge weight of sadness sometimes that weighs me down, and I just feel so
sad, so alone.
When I make love to my wife the sex is pretty
wonderful, but lately it feels that my potency is
deminishing.
I also have gay fantasies that have been with me since I was a kid and masturbating to them still
turns me on. But after I do masturbate I feel very sad and empty.
I guess the thing that I struggle with is my anger, and frustration that
I never knew who the "me", would have been had all the sexual abuse not happened. And the rage I feel at times in my loneliness in struggling
what it is to be a man, a father, and a husband.
I have always difficult time in trusting other men, and developing real friendships.
My anger issues get in the way with my wife and children, and I suspect it goes back to feeling
alone with my anger all of my life when it came to being able to share it with my family growing up.
I am just glad to see there is a place
I can share these issues with others who really
understand.
Click to expand...
 
I am brand new today on here and read your story. We have mirror images of a lifestyle, same age, same circumstances all around. I am anxious to get involved and find some peace about all of this and thank god I found this site.
Alan
 
Alan - Welcome to you too. So sorry you need this place but glad that you found it. I'm sure you'll gain some important insights here as well as compassion and understanding. I'll be seeing you around. - John
 
Roderick and Alan,

Welcome to MS and I'm sorry for the circumstances that brought you here.

Take your time and find your comfort zone. You also may want to explore the members side of the board.

You've found a great place to begin or continue your healing. I hope we can provide the support to you that so many of us have found already. It's a great bunch.

Regards,

Zipser
 
Roderick and Alan,

Welcome, and I hope you can already see that you are not alone. The issues you talk about are so common among survivors and they mean that you were terribly hurt as boys. You are not shameful or freaks.

Look around and set your own pace for using the site. We are here for you.

Much love,
Larry
 
Hey Gents, Welcome and hope all works out as good for you as it has me. There are lots of wonderful guys on the site and many things to learn. There is a deep sense of caring here from the men and you will find that the thoughts and feelings you possess will be welcomed and many things will be of great identity for you. You'll say "wow, that is exactly how I feel or what I'm going through." It is truly amazing.

Best wishes,
Rivers
 
Thanks for all of you support guys.I look forward to reading what everyone has to say.
Yes, there is great comfort in knowing that I am not alone. The moment I wrote just an abbreviated version of my story I felt very
relieved, even though I've dealt with this for years in therapy. It's knowing that other men
have gone through the same thing and knowing that we can have strength in our lives even though this happened to us.
I cannot live in shame all of my life.
I will continue to tell my story, because I do believe that doing so will continue to heal.
Peace-
 
Roderick,

Writing it out and talking about it are great ways of rejecting responsibility for what happened. It's all very complicated, but with time you will see in no way were you to blame.

Don't live in shame - it's not your shame to begin with.

Much love,
Larry
 
and - here's a bonus - writing it all down here (or elsewhere) where others may see it is another form of "coming out;" and, Glory Be, what a powerful and wonderful feeling of Liberation that can be!!
Love, etc.,
 
OK, somehow I missed this one. Welcome both of you guys. Somehow or other our stories match pretty well. Are you beginning to see a common theme in this thread?

We understand it guys. We can go through this thing together shoulder to shoulder helping each other along.

Peace and Courage Friends,

John
 
Roderick and Alan, One of the most amazing things to me when I found this place was that there were so many guys just like me. I thought I was the only one with my particular set of problems. Knowing that there were others out there didn't make the problems go away, but it sure made me feel better about myself and to understand that there were reasons for my problems and that they were a pretty normal reaction to things that had happened to me in my life. It also helped to find out that the men who shared many of my problems were pretty amazing men.

Welcome. We're here. We have all felt the way that you do. We have all been relieved to find this place...amazed to find men like ourselves...gradually learned to trust them....and then been so grateful that perhaps we can help others on their journey towards healing.

Bobby
 
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