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New Here
Jacks

Jacks

Registrant
Hey guys - I recently realised how my past trauma (sexual assault as child) has affected me throughout life. I developed addictions to cope and never tried to tackle it directly. I am seeing a therapist for the first time about this tomorrow and im scared of the feelings it will unearth.
 
First off I am sorry to hear about your past trauma. I do wanna say welcome to MS. You’ll find a lot of support here! Therapy and this place has both been life savers for me.
 
Welcome to MS @Jacks . Sorry you have a reason to be here, but it's good that you found it. As I have found in the past couple of months, there are lots of members willing to share their experience to help Good luck with your first therapy session.
 
Welcome to MS Jacks. I just finished my T session. I e been doing them for about a year and a half. That ond this place have helped me so much. Hope it goes well for you. Reach out any time. Good luck on you healing journey
Tele
 
Welcome, Jacks.

I think unearthing these feelings, while painful, is an overall positive, as it allows one to experience life more genuinely. Keeping the feelings buried doesn’t mean they don’t have a toll on behaviors and feelings that ARE above the surface.

Hope you can find healing here, as I am.
 
Jacks said:
I developed addictions to cope and never tried to tackle it directly. I am seeing a therapist for the first time about this tomorrow and im scared of the feelings it will unearth.
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Welcome aboard glad your here also sad your here
In with you all the way as much as I can be. @Jacks
Use this place to if you need any real time support
 
Thank you @Curiouspaints its appreciated. Im avoiding some triggers for now as I had a browse of the forums and some things upset me. Hopefully in time I can be strong enough to help others there. Feel free to contact me directly.
 
Hi Jacks, welcome to MS. I am sorry that you have a reason to be here, but it is good that you have found MS. You are not alone here, you have many brother survivors and we care and understand. I am glad to hear that you are starting with a therapist, it is very difficult to heal without help. I truly with you peace and healing. Take care.
 
Hi Jack welcome to MS and I'm truly sorry the reason you are here. You'll find it a place where you can talk about what you've been through. I just joined about a month ago and it has been a life saver for me. Thought I had nowhere and no one to talk to until I found MS. So we're here for you.
 
Hi Jacks , I am sorry that you had to find us here , but so glad you have .All the guys here are very supportive. Take your time with your therapist & slowly your healing process will begin.
 
Jacks said:
Hey guys - I recently realised how my past trauma (sexual assault as child) has affected me throughout life. I developed addictions to cope and never tried to tackle it directly. I am seeing a therapist for the first time about this tomorrow and im scared of the feelings it will unearth.
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Hey Jacks - I'm new here too. To me seeing a therapist is a huge step. Browsing the forums upset me also. But there are many people on this site who deeply care about you and want to help.
 
Jacks said:
Hey guys - I recently realised how my past trauma (sexual assault as child) has affected me throughout life. I developed addictions to cope and never tried to tackle it directly. I am seeing a therapist for the first time about this tomorrow and im scared of the feelings it will unearth.
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This is my first post on this site, though I’ve read many of the accounts here with interest, sympathy, sadness, and pain. I've hesitated to contribute, held back by that wretched mix of timidity, reticence, and fear—feelings that stem from my own experiences as a child who suffered sexual abuse.

Although I was a child long ago, the ripples—and sometimes the bloody Richter-scale aftershocks—of that abuse still overwhelm me, even after years of good and helpful therapy. What I’ve realised hasn’t helped, despite being understandable, is hiding the truth of my life from others, covering up the emotional fallout, and living, in some ways, as a false version of myself. It has been a necessary psychological defence for much of my life; this hiding away - but I am hoping to shift it and maybe this first post is a step in a good direction for me.

Anyway, thank you anyone who reads this and I hope to stay in touch.
 
Asphodelian said:
This is my first post on this site, though I’ve read many of the accounts here with interest, sympathy, sadness, and pain. I've hesitated to contribute, held back by that wretched mix of timidity, reticence, and fear—feelings that stem from my own experiences as a child who suffered sexual abuse.

Although I was a child long ago, the ripples—and sometimes the bloody Richter-scale aftershocks—of that abuse still overwhelm me, even after years of good and helpful therapy. What I’ve realised hasn’t helped, despite being understandable, is hiding the truth of my life from others, covering up the emotional fallout, and living, in some ways, as a false version of myself. It has been a necessary psychological defence for much of my life; this hiding away - but I am hoping to shift it and maybe this first post is a step in a good direction for me.

Anyway, thank you anyone who reads this and I hope to stay in touch.
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Share away
We are all here
To teach each other
What we forget in between each experience
Hope you can do something good for yourself today.
 
Asphodelian said:
This is my first post on this site, though I’ve read many of the accounts here with interest, sympathy, sadness, and pain. I've hesitated to contribute, held back by that wretched mix of timidity, reticence, and fear—feelings that stem from my own experiences as a child who suffered sexual abuse.

Although I was a child long ago, the ripples—and sometimes the bloody Richter-scale aftershocks—of that abuse still overwhelm me, even after years of good and helpful therapy. What I’ve realised hasn’t helped, despite being understandable, is hiding the truth of my life from others, covering up the emotional fallout, and living, in some ways, as a false version of myself. It has been a necessary psychological defence for much of my life; this hiding away - but I am hoping to shift it and maybe this first post is a step in a good direction for me.

Anyway, thank you anyone who reads this and I hope to stay in touch.
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Yes, please stay in touch. What you have described is normal- the "after shocks" even after many years of therapy. The effects of abuse do not just disappear, at least that has been my experience even after much therapy, it seems one learns to manage them better though. MS is a safe place to share. You are not alone here, we care and understand. Take care.
 
GaD3! said:
Yes, please stay in touch. What you have described is normal- the "after shocks" even after many years of therapy. The effects of abuse do not just disappear, at least that has been my experience even after much therapy, it seems one learns to manage them better though. MS is a safe place to share. You are not alone here, we care and understand. Take care.
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Thank you!
 
Daishin David said:
Hey Jacks - I'm new here too. To me seeing a therapist is a huge step. Browsing the forums upset me also. But there are many people on this site who deeply care about you and want to help.
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Thanks Daishin - I appreciate you taking the time to reply and your welcoming kind words.
 
Asphodelian said:
This is my first post on this site, though I’ve read many of the accounts here with interest, sympathy, sadness, and pain. I've hesitated to contribute, held back by that wretched mix of timidity, reticence, and fear—feelings that stem from my own experiences as a child who suffered sexual abuse.

Although I was a child long ago, the ripples—and sometimes the bloody Richter-scale aftershocks—of that abuse still overwhelm me, even after years of good and helpful therapy. What I’ve realised hasn’t helped, despite being understandable, is hiding the truth of my life from others, covering up the emotional fallout, and living, in some ways, as a false version of myself. It has been a necessary psychological defence for much of my life; this hiding away - but I am hoping to shift it and maybe this first post is a step in a good direction for me.

Anyway, thank you anyone who reads this and I hope to stay in touch.
Click to expand...
Thank you - I had not realised what it caused, I have been to two T sessions now and already understand myself much better. When I reflect on my life everything seems to make sense. The hyper-sexuality, anger, fear, guilt, shame and addictions all tie back to one certain point in life.

I understand the hiding too - I do it mentally and physically. I would hide my emotions until I burst into fits of rage. I still lock myself in the bathroom and sit down on the floor to feel safe.

I saw a psychiatrist a few years ago who diagnosed me with Cyclothymia - I didn't believe it to be true - but what I realise now is my mood would change rapidly when I could not hide the pain any longer and being "strong" wasn't an option - I needed to cry to someone, I needed to let the child out in me who needed to cry back then. I still haven't told anyone but my most recent T and all you fine gentleman. But it's getting easier and the understanding of myself is finally making me believe happiness is on the horizon.
 
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