New here too

New here too
B

brokentoys

Registrant
Hi. I just found this board today so I thought I would start by introducing myself. I started out inoncently enough by going to a weight management clinic at my HMO. Little did I know that they want you to deal with all the demons of your past to get to the root of your depression and eating disorder. Well I am trying. Where to start? I grew up in an alcoholic home where mental, emotional and physical abuse were the watch words of the day. So I guess when I was able to spend time with an older family member the price of sexual abuse from 4 until 8 or 9 just didn't seem as bad as getting knocked around at home. At least it seemed less painful at the time. I was raised to never question adults (had that knocked into me on a regular basis) so I never questioned what happened. I just buried that along with everything else for the past 30+ years and tried to go on with my life. The problem is that I have been pretty good at keeping Pandora in the box over the years, until lately. Things just keep oozing out the cracks and I am just too tired to keep putting it back. I hear about healing and all, and though I am not completely convinced that there actually is such a thing as real healing, I won't discount anything until I at least try it. So here I am. I'm not sure where to start, I did start journaling and gave that to my counselor at the clinic so that she would at least know where I am coming from. I just did that this past Tuesday so naturally I have not heard back from her yet. I got a book by a guy named Mike Lew that she recommended (it was out of print and kinda hard to find. Thank you Amazon!) and I am trying to read it. It's hard to read as it just makes me more depressed. Oh well, that's me and that's where I am.
 
Dear Broken,

Your name says so much. It describes most of us, I think.

I am sorry you needed a place like this, but I am glad you have joined us.

The betrayal of innocence is something that is irreplacable. I know that when my last perp made me feel like he cared when it seemed like the world was gainst me, he had me. Sounds similar.

You are a brother here. And I hope that you will find help and hope here as I have.

Peace,

Marc
 
Brokentoys,

Welcome to Male Survivor. I've been a member for about 4 months now. I'm sorry about your reasons for wanting to find a site like this, but as you can tell, you are not alone here. The guys here are all looking for healing for themselves and are into helping each of us heal, as well.

I also kept my abuse hidden for 30 years. There were times it was better, but it never really went away. I won't lie and tell you that it has now gone away. It still hasn't, but I know now that I am not alone and that I can talk to other guys that understand what I'm dealing with. This alone has allowed me to heal and accept myself more in these last 4 months than I have in 30 years.

Again, welcome and feel free to send a PM to me. I'll look for you in the chatroom sometime. Good luck in your recovery. You've come to the right place. These are a great bunch of guys.
 
Broken Toy,
My heart goes out to you. I also was raised not to question adults. Now, I question everybody, and I find myself trying to figure out what their angle is. (I have trust issues!)

Welcome here, I hope we can be of assistance to you. If you ever need anything, feel free to p.m. me, and I will help in any way I can.
Casey
 
Brokentoy

sorry you have to be here, but welcome, it is hard to address these issues sometimes, It is so hard bottling up these things for so many years, and yes it does ooze out of the creacks, and you just want to let it all escape.

Hope you are on the way to recovery, the steps to healing, the book your T asked you to get by mike lew, I can't even get it, in my country, if you can just start to read it though, you can identify issues that may have nagged at you for all that time, sometimes, just reading about anothers' emotion, helps you to put the pieces together, and make some kind of sense of all the emotions, you went through.

wish you well

ste
 
Hello Broken,

Welcome here. I am sorry that you have reason to find us, but am glad you did. Make sense?

I can relate some to the physical abuse you come from in your background as well. It is hard to think of which does us more damage. I suppose each has impact to us. I am sorry that you had to go through that as well. I'm afraid you will not find that unusual here though.

I wish you good luck. It sounds as though you are already making efforts to heal. I have not yet read a book of this yet. Not sure I am going to! But I have found journalling, therapy, some medications and the people at this site have helped me very much. I hope it helps you also.

Leosha
 
Broken Toys:

Wow, your name tells me you have been part of us before you even joined!

Welcome. We all share our toys here and we play nice :)

Kenn
 
Broken,

Welcome to ga great group. Sorry you need to join.

I've only been coming here a little over a month. There's a lot of great people here

Dave
 
Brokentoys,

Congratulations on taking the challenge into your own hands. It took me 26 years or so to start dealing with the demons of my past. Heck, even now I have trouble admitting just to myself how bad some of it was.

This is a great place to find support. This place is all about that line "You are not alone." From now on you don't have to feel alone with the effects of the abuse. You know where to find people who've survived the same kinds of things, right here.

If you have a therapist and you're reading Mike Lew, you're already making good decisions for yourself.

Good luck as you continue to heal.

Thanks,

Joe
 
'toy's

The problem is that I have been pretty good at keeping Pandora in the box over the years, until lately. Things just keep oozing out the cracks and I am just too tired to keep putting it back. I hear about healing and all, and though I am not completely convinced that there actually is such a thing as real healing, I won't discount anything until I at least try it. So here I am. I'm not sure where to start,
Click to expand...
I tried keeping Pandora in the box for 31 years, I ran outta nails and patience in the end!

Eventually I just had to it right, I went to therapy, and did the work.
It wasn't easy, I wouldn't kid anyone that it is.
But I will say that a good life is possible at the end of it.

Stick around, and necver give up.

Dave
 
Thank you all for your warm welcome. I'm still not sure where I am in this process or where I'm headed, but I guess any change from this chronic low-level depression is a good one! I'm just so tired of my life as it has been (no that is not some veiled suicide threat!) and I hope that maybe this will bring about some positive change.
BT
 
broken,
i have been offline in the public forum for a while now, for my own safety. i just wanted to add my welcome to the long list of brothers here. the journey begins when we decide to no longer be a victim, we then become a survivor in the true sense of the word. i have been here over a year and experienced more dives than the recent olympics, so it seems...but one thing has never failed, the brotherhood. we are here for each other. i am grateful you found us. i know this brotherhood has meant the difference between complete despair, and potential hope for me many times. our journeys are now joined, you are no longer alone.
 
I:m a recent new member too, even browsing other:s posts helps me, the sharing we have here cos we know the Language we regrettably have been taught by our families and Life. I got the emotional/physical/sexual abuse thing all within a Hollywood image conscious family, I:m sorry you and I have this somewhat in common.

I started having battles with food Addiction and weight too...I:ve lost 15 pounds this year...and still battling downward. Lew:s Victims No More is your book, yes? Sorry it hurts so much, really I am. My Pandora:s box lasted 35 years...it exploded and destroyed a career in dotcom at a time Stock Options were way high. The moderators here are good, and just a few replies to my posts brought tears. If you:re just starting to heal, give it a chance...I:ve been 4 years, have Major issues, many crises, but Hope sprouts thru here and there. Learn about the problems, yes, but concentrate on Solutions and make them grow. If you do end up working on your Body/Image, don:t get Addicted to it...your body is one tool to get at your Be-Have-ior and that must and now will change. Depression is bad, but Re-pression is worse. You are doing something about it, be glad, perhaps you can avoid the exploding tummy! Bro, we:re here for you and you for us, together fighting the battle of the bulge, Bulging Boxes, Tummies and minds. There is no Slim-fast here, it:s one meal at a time...chewing one peace at a time...Welcome to the show, eat lots of fresh fruit and vegtables, keep posting for better or worse. Piece.
 
broken,

welcome from me as well.

sorry you had to get here but we are here for you.

i hid my shit for 31 years. finally i am working on healing. have been here for about 5 months, have a t and a med doc who gave me zoloft and clonzepan for my depression. it has all helped some. i have helped myself some as well. still not well, just not as "whacked out" as i have been and i better know why i am how i am.

i no longer have shitty full days, just parts of days. in the past few weeks, i actually have
had a few good whole days.

it is a long hard journey with no clear answers or choices to make.

the first step you have done. i did it. i am so glad i did at 41 instead of at 51, 61, or 71 or at my death bed. i am starting a new life. it is different, sad- wierd, trying, hurful, but also a relief is over me that my deep secret is now out.

another great book my t told me to get was the courage to heal by davis and someone else. it focused a lot on women but was sooooo true of us and our experiences, also the inter-relationships we have with others. i used halfbay.com and got it cheap. it was so educational and informative to me, hurtful too some in bringing triggers and memories.

our brothers and i are here for you.

take care, guy
 
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