new here...thank you

new here...thank you
E

EmanoN

New Registrant
Hi guy's I hope all is well with you. I am new here but, I've been coming here for about a year,reading and learning.
It was actually my fiance who discovered your group while trying to find help for dealing with me and herself and our relationship.
I was molested by my babysitter when I was 3, she was my cousin, then neighbors and other cousins all male till around 11 years of age.
My fiance only knew about the babysitter,about 2 years ago I started working at an adult bookstore,bad move,( I now understand ) I started acting out from the triggers, it almost destroyed us. I quit the job,and we started working on us,when all the other molestations finally came out, alot of tears and dicussions followed.
Then she came across your website, alot more discussion tears and dissociation.She to has issues of the like to deal with which was discovered dealing with my crap and baggage.
I just want to thank you all for the strength and caring you show. I have gained much needed strength to discuss what has happened to me. That I am not the only one, that it is the shame of the perp's, put on me, it is not my shame (I'm still fighting that one) I get a little better each day,even though I still stumble in the dark at times.
Well thru the strength and wisdom I have gained from YOU ALL!!! I have realized, I cannot fix it just by reading your post with my lady and dicussing it.
So I took the MAJOR step and called today and set-up an appointment for counceling. Which will be on monday the 21st. for the first session.
I just want to thank you all so much for your forum, and the wonderful support,wisdom,courage,and strength you show and that it is all right to have emotions, especially that it is alright to be sensative and afraid.
A thousand thank you's, for all you have done for me, and the countless others that are like me and just lurking in the shadows till we find the courage to step out of the dark.
Since I made this first step I feel scared but, yet I feel on top of the world taking the first steps in reclaiming my life.
I am so proud to have the privelage to read your stories and replies and to gain the inner strength from them,to be able to take the steps to become the person I always knew I could be,
YOU'RE ALL HEROES,
you survived to tell the stories that need telling, Thanks guy's
 
EmanoN,

Thank-you for having the courage to post, and welcome to MS, and welcome too from the shadows into the center of the room where we can see and interact with you. From what you say, I guess you know the drill here. Just take small steps as you are ready and able, and we'll be here to help you out and when you're able, do the same for us.

Congratulations on making an appointment for counseling. That is indeed a big hurdle. I'm glad we were able to help you take that step even though we did not know you were there.

This journey we are on can really be an emotional roller coaster. One of the hardest things for us as survivors to learn is to be gentle on ourselves. One of the things that has worked for me was to find a picture of myself when I was a young innocent child. I carried that picture around with me and when I was feeling really bad about things, and down on myself, I would take it out and look at that small little boy. I would then ask...

"Why are you being so hard on this innocent little boy? He doesn't deserve all the SH** you're flinging at him. Give him a break, will you!"

For me that was a big help in letting up on myself and giving myself some room to face the things I needed to face.

Welcome to the journey, my friend. Lets take it together, shall we?

Courage,

John
 
EmanoN,

Welcome to MaleSurvivor, although it looks like the welcome is past due...LOL. I think most of us lurked around at first. We knew we needed something like this site, but couldn't really trust anyone enough to just dive in head first.

Iwant to congratulate you on your decision to seek help froma professional. That is a big step for most of us here, it certainly was for me. It was also the best thing I ever did for myself.

I wish I had done it decades earlier,although I'm not sure many therapists woudl have the knowledge tehy do now about this problem. It has been around since the beginning of time, I'm sure, but most incidences go unreported or unadmitted.

You will find, as you already have, that these are all great guys. Stay safe, EmanoN.
 
Thank you for the welcome,it is a big step. In the 80's I had a nervous breakdown and took a couple of months off from reality in a hospital with other issue inmates,and the psych dr. that was suppose to be so good he did lectures and the such at the local universities, got me to the point I broke down and told him about the abuse, especially the male abuse.Then he never brought it up or dealt with it again. That was traumatic, I think he was just to arrogant to admit he didn't know how to deal with this. So hopefully it will go correctly this time. Whom I'm going to see this time I questioned, they know about CSA and DID.
And WalkingSouth the picture is a great idea, I think I got one that will work, thanks again everyone.
 
EmanoN

Welcome and thanks fore coming here. I'm new here too. I started this journey 16 and a half years ago but only came here a week ago. One thing I have learned in that week is that here we are among friends. So welcome friend, we're here for you. Another thing I've learned in the 16 and a half years is that the journey does get easier as you learn coping skills. and sometimes the journey gets harder and this forum as you know can help through those times.

Hang in there

Darrel
 
EmanoN - Welcome to the site!! It takes a lot of courage to build up to that first step... speaking out and accepting what happened is true. It's another bold step to join the crowd of survivors - which most of us are here - and post here admitting "I am a survivor too"! We are survivors - you are a survivor too! Come along and we all shall journey together toward healing!! Feel free to share with us all as we share with you!!

Howard
 
EmanoN,

That's such a big step, turning to therapy for help. It's so difficult sometimes, admitting that we need help, but don't take it as a sign of weakness. It isn't. It's a sign of wisdom, maturity and courage.

You first appointment might be an anxious experience for you, but bear in mind that these people are pros. Their first priority will be to make sure you feel emotionally safe, and their task is to help you make progress in healing while avoiding as much trauma and pain as possible.

And welcome to MS. I think you find that you are with a good crowd here.

Much love,
Larry
 
Emanon,
I'm glad you have finally felt able to share your story with us. You will find a good bunch of guys here. Finding and going to a therapist is an excellent idea. Peace, Andrew
 
Welcome, I have been here a week and it has taken me 40 years to get here. I think I have finally found the help I need. I have been to many counselors but I think this helps more. It is so nice to talk to people that have walked in my shoes. Thanks to you all. Jolly Fisherman
 
Walking in My Shoes

For years
I walked in
other people's shoes.

I fumbled,
I falter
and the shoes
hurt like hell

And then
something rang a bell
that no shoe
would fit me
like the ones
born with me.

That day
I discovered
the joy of
walking in
these shoes
of mine.

As I discovered
no one else can live
this life of mine.
I discovered
that no one else can
walk in
these shoes
of mine.
 
EmanoN
I just love to see guys like you coming to MS and getting something out of it.
I know how much it's helped me over the years, I hope you get the same help and support by coming here.

Dave
 
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