New here, but i survived
phoenixrising134
Registrant
Hi to all. I have just discovered this place and i hoped my own journey might inspire. I am now retired and happy but there is no doubt my past had a profound effect on my entire life. i will be brief so as not to trigger but if anyone would like more detail of how i got here, please don't be afraid to ask.
I am adopted which i have been told can have an effect on your ability to trust and form and keep relationships which i definitely have to agree with. I was a loner growing up with was in part due to that. when i was 8 i was sent away to an all boys boarding school for 10 years. 2 different schools 8 to 13 and 13 to 18. In those days there was no internet or any sort of sex education and you respected authority without question. the older boys at junior school liked to "prey" on the younger ones especially the quiet ones like me. they would reward you for your "services". I was also a victim of the headmaster, but i never even questioned it being wrong at the time, why would i he was the Head! When i left at 13 it of course stopped and i realised i needed it in a way, the attention and the feeling of pleasing others.
I became withdrawn and eventually my adoptive parents noticed and i told them everything. of course they didn't believe me and beat me and eventually it turned to sexual abuse. eventually they bored of it and it thankfully stopped, but by then i was clearly damaged in many ways physically and mentally. i just buried the whole episode and left school and started my career. Both my parents died young and i was on my own at 26.
a few decades later after 2 divorces and numerous failed relationships and serious trust issues, i sought help. I found a great therapist who had themselves suffered and had studied in order to help others. I will admit i have never really been emotional and more a logical head person than an emotional heart person. i was able to accept that none of what happened was my fault, I cant change it, so why let them win by letting it affect you. Ok so I am very different to many, but thats how i got through. i still have serious trust issues and a 3rd failed marriage but have never stopped believing in myself and keep moving forward. One thing i have learned is that there are no standard rules for getting through this, we are all very different and will do this in our own way at our own speed. I have been lucky and talked to and met others the same and we have been able to help and support each other and even form long term friendships.
Never give up and you will falter along the way, just pick yourself up and go again.
A very happy New Year to All from the Uk.
I am adopted which i have been told can have an effect on your ability to trust and form and keep relationships which i definitely have to agree with. I was a loner growing up with was in part due to that. when i was 8 i was sent away to an all boys boarding school for 10 years. 2 different schools 8 to 13 and 13 to 18. In those days there was no internet or any sort of sex education and you respected authority without question. the older boys at junior school liked to "prey" on the younger ones especially the quiet ones like me. they would reward you for your "services". I was also a victim of the headmaster, but i never even questioned it being wrong at the time, why would i he was the Head! When i left at 13 it of course stopped and i realised i needed it in a way, the attention and the feeling of pleasing others.
I became withdrawn and eventually my adoptive parents noticed and i told them everything. of course they didn't believe me and beat me and eventually it turned to sexual abuse. eventually they bored of it and it thankfully stopped, but by then i was clearly damaged in many ways physically and mentally. i just buried the whole episode and left school and started my career. Both my parents died young and i was on my own at 26.
a few decades later after 2 divorces and numerous failed relationships and serious trust issues, i sought help. I found a great therapist who had themselves suffered and had studied in order to help others. I will admit i have never really been emotional and more a logical head person than an emotional heart person. i was able to accept that none of what happened was my fault, I cant change it, so why let them win by letting it affect you. Ok so I am very different to many, but thats how i got through. i still have serious trust issues and a 3rd failed marriage but have never stopped believing in myself and keep moving forward. One thing i have learned is that there are no standard rules for getting through this, we are all very different and will do this in our own way at our own speed. I have been lucky and talked to and met others the same and we have been able to help and support each other and even form long term friendships.
Never give up and you will falter along the way, just pick yourself up and go again.
A very happy New Year to All from the Uk.
