New here and freaking out!

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New here and freaking out!

Hello everyone...I found out about this board a few weeks ago and decided to post as it seems there is alot of support here. To be specific, I was posting in another message board that had a thread for survivors of SA but I was 1 of maybe 3 men that posted there.
To give you the readers digest version of my experience - I was first molested by my cousin at arround age 7. He forced me to masturbate him and he touched me as well. There was a lot of verbal manipulation and threats not to tell anyone. I was then molested by a guy named Gene that went to my church. This occurred between the age of 8-15. Again there were threats and manipulation.
I have had some counseling in the past and was doind fairly well dealing with it until recently. I am 31 years old, married, and have a 2mo old son...My wife decided she wanted us to move back to our home town...so we did. I have never been so depressed and tired in my life...I had a house of my own. it was about an hour away from our home town (where the abuse occurred). I hated my home town but my wife pushed and pushed until I consented to move there. I feel like I have taken a major step backward. We had planned to buy some land and build a house...but once it was too late and my old house was under a contract, we figured out we wouldn't be able to do it all at once...So now we are shacked up with my parents and younger brother - soon to move into an apartment for at least 3 years while we pay on the lot. The hardest thing though is thet I let my wife push me into giving up MY place of security (IE: my house).
I don't know what to do I just realy need to get this off my chest I suppose. I can't fucking believe I moved back to the town where my abuser still lives. Well...I thanks for reading this and I hope you all will accept me into your supportive community. Thanks!...Dave23...GOD BLESS!
 
welcome to our discussion group. you will find many guys struggling with the same issues as you are. look through the other entries and strike up a convsersation with other guys. we are glad you are being honest with yourself about what's happened to you. that's the best beginning to healing. good luck and welcome
 
Hi Dave,

I just wanted to take a moment to welcome you to NOMSV. There are many wonderful, supportive people here. It's a safe place to share your experiences and feelings. I have benefited greatly from my 6 months here. I'm looking forward to reading your posts.

God Bless,

Brian
 
My feelings go out to you. Make sure you have support around you. Be gentle with yourself, this is not easy for you to do.
(move home)

This is a great place for support.
Hang in there.

Love yourself

from one survivor to another
Michael Joseph
 
Dave,

Welcome! I have found wonderful support and encouragement here in this forum and I expect that you will as well.

It feels like a real punch in the gut with respect to your home situation, and clearly the universe has taken you back in time for some (unknown to you at this time) reason. I may have missed it from your post, but I am curious...does your wife know of your sexual abuse?

Given that your son is two months old, I can see that this is ONE of the reasons that you must be so very tired! And, of course, emotionally and psychologically, there's a lot going on....for you personally, for you and your wife together...not to mention the stress of living with family. On the plus side of the equation, it sounds as though the two of you are at the beginning of a new adventure with your new son!

Be gentle with yourself, Dave....you've been through a lot of changes in a very short span of time and you must be reeling.... We'll be here for you when you need an ear and a shoulder!

Dynamitedon
 
Hey dynamitedon...My wife does know of the abuse...and I goofed...my son is 2 yrs. old...so yes I am reeling!...Thanks for the reply...Dave...GOD BLESS!
 
Dave - I am new here and infact this is my first post here. But after reading your post I felt drawn to respond. I, too along with my wife have just moved back to my hometown where everything happened. I did and was part of this decision. I really thought I was ready for this but now I am finding it harder to be here everyday. We, llike you are living with her parents. We do not have any kids though. She was having troubel living 600 miles away from home and her parents so much that she got depressed. Well now that we are here I AM the one depressed. But I am making I quess. I don't really have any great advice. Just thought it might help to know you are not the only one going through this.

Terry (Redsongbird)
 
Hey Terry...It is very hard isn't it. We, just this past weekend, moved out of my parent's house and into an apartment. I am totaly worn out physically and mentally. At least my parents lived somewhat out of town. Now we are living in town. I havn't slept good in over 4 weeks and am having nightmares. My son woke up sick this morning and had to be admitted into the hospital because he wasn't getting enough O2. And all of this combined with my fear that I will run into the guy that molested me is nearly driving me nuts. Oh well...You said this was your first post...? Have you told anyone about what happened to you?...It can be very scary to talk (or even type) about...but I have noticed that many people are supportive here. I would be happy to listen to or read anything ya wanna talk or type about. Take care and thanks for letting me know you are in a similar situation...It makes me feel better that someone can relate...Dave...GOD BLESS!
 
Dave it sounds like you need REST big time! As if you didn't already know that one right? I certainly hope your son gets better quickly. You have much going on. Hope you can find some time to get rest. I know what you mean about wondering if you will run into the abusers. I find myself constantly looking at people to see. All my abusers were men. I am planning on writing more on here. This seems like a great place to come for support.

Hey - go to bed! SLEEP! 8-=)

Terry (Redsongbird)
 
Hey Terry...I sure do need rest. I have never been soo tired. My son will be spending another night at the hospital. His o2 levels are still low. Thanks for listening...Dave...GOD BLESS!
 
Dave, it may help to deal with this guy. I mean he may still be doing it to others. In my situation the abuser did it to me and probably at least 100 other kids. I followed up to stop that from happening. Also read a book you can not put down.

Read Abused Boys by Mic Hunter. That will help I think. (a lot) it did me

Good luck.
 
Dave,
I still live where I was abused! I had moved away in my mind but came back Aug. 2000 when I started to remember the flashbacks that I was having. Now I'm 53 and pretty much hiding in my house looking out at the woods behind me where most of it happened. The abusers are all gone...thank god... but everything else looks the same. I don't know what I'ld do if they were still here but I have a good idea that I would lose control. Be carefull of who you tell, I told my wife and therapists, Pdocs only. Don't tell anyone the name of the abuser, incase something bad happens to him...you don't want to end up being sexually abused in jail!! Sounds like you steped into hell like I did, so don't feel alone!

Welcome to NOMSV
Eddie
 
Dave,

I'm new here to this board and say your post. Visiting home is tough for me, I don't think I could move back. I hope things are getting better for you and the holidays don't cause to many bad memories to return.

Ken
 
I hope things have gotten better for you Dave. I know it has been hard moving back.
I could not do it. Mic Hunter's 2 books are both good, someone else mentioned the first one. Do what you need to to work through some of this. No reason to suffer even more.
There has been enough of that already. Find someone to talk to. Take care.
 
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