New Experience -- HELP!

New Experience -- HELP!
R

Ron_dup1

Registrant
Okay here is what happened...
Wed. morning I had a new kind of "flashback". Always before my memories have come in a form like I am watching myself on a movie screen. It is me in the movie but I am outside of it watching it happen.
Wed. morning I was living the movie! It totally freaked me out. I didn't go to work and stayed locked in my house for two days afterwards. I went out today only to see my therapist.
I could actually feel him (my abuser)penetrate me, touch me, I could feel his breath on my face and smell the beer he'd been drinking. It was so intense. I was sick to my stomache afterwards and threw up several times. Today I am still shaking all over, unable to concentrate, and super Hyper vigilent (sp?).
Today I am still feeling this tingling in my arms and hands and especialy my fingers.
My therapist says this is fairly common ...
Have any of you had a "flashback" like this or felt the tingling in your arms or hands afterwards?
Also my therapist refered me to a Psychiatrist to get some anti-anxiety meds. I hope they help but I also hope they wont stop my progress in healing and getting all this out!
Any ideas, comments, etc. would me greatly appreciated! I feel like I'm going crazy here!

Peace to all and I hope you are all well!
Ron
 
Ron,

Your not alone and you did a great job of describing my experiences too, your not crazy, the flashbacks seem to come in a variety of ways and the physical ones like you just had were by far the most troubling to me, they do stop eventually, hang in there ok, your gonna be allright.

John
 
I kind of felt like that a few nights ago when i was trying to sleep, id feel my mind sort of slip, but the feeling sort of snapped back because i guess i was afraid to go there. I have felt that tingling before, but i dont really remember anything, just feeling scared a little. It is frightening, but it is good for you. Your mind is finnally healing some of the scar tissue you got on your psyche when this happened. Its like tearing a scab off. Try and remember that this is one of the last parts of this you have to go through, and that once you go back far enough you can start to move foward again.
 
The anti-anxiety meds will help.

What I have found with my meds is that they are a backup when I work through the anxiety myself. I don't have to worry that "what will happen if I can't work it out?" while I am having an anxiety attack! I know if I can't handle it, I can take a med and it will calm me down.

I barely take them at all any more, whereas I took them every day at first.

I am not a doctor, and your doctor knows best, but medication is so much more refined and less intrusive these days, I think they have helped me to survive. Of course, nothing has helped as much as twice a week therapy for the last three years... :)
 
the numbness, the pain, the flashbacks...been there, done that, visiting often.

Things got worse for me when I came off the meds, espcially with the obssessive compulsive crap. New meds have so many side effects, and the meds I just came off of were not fun coming down from. I don't wanna take a pill for the rest of my life. Isn't there a better way?
 
Hey Guys
Thank you for all the support and good words of advice and comfort! Orodo, I don't want to take meds but I am tired of living my life like this. I shake constantly (24-7) people are always asking me what is wrong because of my hands shaking so badly. I live in contant fear that someone will come up behind me and touch me (a sure fire way to set off a flashback for me). I am constantly watching my surroundings and planning my escape route, just in case. So if meds can take a little of the edge off then I am ready to give it a try. I have tried it too long without meds and keep loosing the battle.
Thanks again for all the responses!
Ron (not feeling so crazy today!)
 
Ron,
I've been having flashback like that for 2 years now...this is really good news...believe it or not. This is the final and heavest type of flashbacks...you have to relive the total dissociation.. you did.. while the SA was taking place. You will have the same flashback over and over again until you process it and put it into your secondary memory...so you can recall it to stop the flashback when it starts...I have processed lots...seems like hundreds. After you finish processing all of them...they will stop or at least slow down...mine have slowed down to about 3 a week from about 20 a day..that's when I had to go into the hospital for 3 weeks to learn about PTSD and how to work with the flashbacks. Next time you have one...go over it in deep details...not fun but necessary...try to remember all of it!!! When you do it...it will be stored in your secondary memory. When you don't do it...it is called "stuffing"...goes right back to your subconscious...you may not even remember having a flashback! This maybe what is happening to Broken..he flashs..freaks..that stuffs it back...only to have them come back forever! If you remembered a flashback that heavy...this is very good...you are on your way to healing! Get some good-experienced Pdocs...one with a M.D. for the meds and a good therapist ...to teach you how to process the flashbacks, how to use "Imagery" to escape to a "Safe Place".. when you need to!
Good luck and hang in there ...takes time...but it does get a lot better! When I have new flashbacks of a SA scene now...it still freaks me out but I recover in a few minites instead of hours-days! Check the Psych Hospitals around you for short PTSD training programs..2..3 weeks...Day Programs...I can't see how anyone can get through PTSD with out lots of help and training!!!

Eddie
 
Eddie
Thank you for the great words of hope and advice. I will look for a local class on PTSD. I also have checked out the P-Doc and feel very confident that he has the expertise and experience to know what I need. He also has some experience with male survivors.
Your words:
...this is really good news...believe it or not. This is the final and heavest type of flashbacks
Click to expand...
were some of the greatest words of hope I heard in a LONG time! Thank you for being here and for sharing your experience and wisdom with me.
Ron
 
Dear Ron:

Make sure you read the package insert that comes with the medicine you try. (If there is no package insert make sure your Dr. supplies you with one.) It lists all the potential side effects you could experience while on the meds. I advise this because I have been on meds and suffered through some nasty side effects. Be careful my friend. Sincerely,

rafael
 
Wellbutrin SR is petty cool for depression.
Buspirone HCL is good for stopping you from thinking about sex "ALL THE TIME"
Klonipin is good for stress and makes you sleep without bad dreams.

I have been useing all three without any noticeable side effects...did try lots of other meds that really made me sick, numb, and completely sexless!

Eddie
 
Eddie, your post was simply great...you summed it up so well - when the shit gets the heaviest, believe it or not, we are closest to a peaceful place. It is always darkest before the dawn.

Meds have side effects, some more than others. Different meds also work different ways for different people. Dosage is important. I never want to be on meds my whole life, but the difference in my life is so distinct that I would endure worse side effects than those I suffered (usually in the beginning stages of taking a med) because they were so helpful to me.

Like Eddie, I took Klonipin. FOR ME it made me a little too drowsy, but it sure took the edge off! I now take Ativan as an anti-anxiety and only as needed. Boy, these things really work.

For depression I tried zoloft and others, but, for me, Effexor (at a pretty high dosage) has worked for me.
 
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