New challenges

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New challenges

Seems like whenever I find something out that makes me stronger, something else crops up.

So now I know that I have strength and courage. Now it is trust that comes up.

Trust seems to be even harder. Because if I let you in, you could hurt me. I have spent so many, many years keeping it all to myself. Because it can be destroyed with a few words.

So I will make an admission here. I don't share too many of the deepest secrets. Because I am afraid of rejection. That is the truth.

Trying so hard to trust. But going against so many years of seeing trust violated is hard.

What will you think of me if you see my weakness? Will you turn on me? Will you use it against me?

These are questions I have faced all my life. Along with others. But trust is the hardest. Is your acceptance conditional? On my growing stronger? I do grow stronger, but it doesn't fell strong enough yet.

So this is the next test.

Marc
 
Marc,

Boy, can I identify with this one. Sure, I've got 'this' under control, but, my God, look what's next. This place has made some things easier though, dont you think? I mean, it kinda gives one a chance to try ones wings, so to speak. Would you agree?
Every time Ive let you guys in on something thats going on with me, I get all kinds of support and encouragement. Man, how different is that when compared with, say, middle, or high school, where you couldnt mention anything going on with you without being buried in ridicule, and that could even include most of the good stuff, too.
Anyway, glad youre here, glad that youre thinking of taking that next step.
What is that saying, Its not the destination but the journey that counts? Ya, I think thats it.
I just got back from visiting family I can tell you that it was definitely the journey, the going and the coming back, rather than the visit itself, that made all of the difference for me.
I do know what you mean about letting others in. For me, its become enjoying some and tolerating others.

Peace, strength and courage,

David
 
marc, glad you shared that with us.

i currently don't trust anyone exept a few in my immediate family and one best friend( but guess what?- i have not told them either). i kinda trust my current t. so far, so good ut still am reserved a bit.
i too fear the "being used against me stuff", or "is he whacked out or what?", or all those other trust abuses things that could come up if my secrets were betrayed.

the good news now i suppose, i have a t now, am on here, and am finally dealing witht his crap after 31 years.

maybe trust will come, i cannot control when or if even it will. it does make me anxious thinking about all my betrayals to me and mine to others over the years be it my abuser or my f partners. anyhow, i am with you, not that much help except to say i relate wholeheartedly and look forward to some healing whenever it comes or in whatever form or peace it comes by.

blessings, guy
 
Marc,

I have a hard time with trust. I'm only learning about just how hard now. I have made improvement since I started coming here, going to T, and going to SIA. But I still seem to be "out of synch" on several issues, and a big one is trust.

It's good to come here and get some practice trusting in a safe place. At least it has been for me.

Thanks,

Joe
 
Hi Marc,

We were betrayed by people we should have been able to count on to give their life to protect us. Trust is never easy after a betrayal like that.

But, I also think it is wise to not trust people until they earn our trust--and yes, that goes for professionals. Hopefully, we can build trust with a T in a hurry since we are paying big bucks to have them help us. But in general, I do not see that we should be in a rush to trust people. More betrayal hurts us more than a person who has not been betrayed so profoundly as we have.

Bob
 
Marc,

I know this was a difficult post for you. Trust, wow. I think I have superficially trusted people for a looooong time. I do not think I have many people I HONESTLY trust.

For some reason, I feel a need to trust here. Sometimes I am scared to go "to far" with what I say about me or my religion. However, I just feel trusted and safe here.

Keep hanging in there, Marc. How can any of us expect or accept trust easily, quickly or even at all? You have to start somwhere. Here, with your T, just try. God help us if someone else breaks our trust, we can't deal with that easily!

PEACE, my brother and friend!

TJ
 
We have a lot of challenges to get through in life.

We can choose to accept the challenge and move on to living. Or we can choose to ignore them and hide in a hole or be defeated by them.

As you triumph over the challenges, you become stronger and wiser. Some of the things that would have been considered challenges are now not even noticed or just considered an inconvience.

You are stronger and wiser and getting stronger and wiser all the time.

Take care,

Bill
 
Trust is hard. Not just who to trust, but what to trust them with.

A cold hard fact can be misinterpreted or misunderstood so easily. There is no texture, no context, no background story arc, no experience to guide the listener.

Some people just can't handle things. Some people have closed minds.

I have told four friends my history, and none of my 7 brothers and sisters.

This sometimes feels sad, but the three siblings I could trust, I just don't want to hurt them and this information would hurt them.

Some information is best kept to yourself. I wouldn't discuss my sex life with my parents or nephews.

You said "What will you think of me if you see my weakness? " I will think you are brave and trusting to share what you think is a weakness. Most people simply won't do that, no matter how perfect their lives have been.

And I would never think of something that happened TO YOU as a weakness.
 
Marc,

New challenges mean we continue to live! I am assuming it is no major challenge to be dead.

The trust issue, it is so very hard. I will sometime have problems with people even I have known for long time, that I KNOW I trust. But still, I continue to try, and they allow it. They allow me to make mistakes that we will make when not trusting others. Sometime (often) I wonder why they put up with me still. But I am amazed, surprised, and SO glad they do.

Continue it as anything else with healing, one day and one step at a time. You have already come so far in healing, so far down the path. You are miles ahead of where you were just few months ago. We have faith in you, and will support you. You don't have to trust yet if not able to. It will come to those who earn it.

Leosha
 
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