Never Comfortable in my own skin

PghPaGuy

Registrant
Hi All - as a gay man, I have always questioned my sexual orientation. I often question whether my sexual orientation was influenced by my molestations as a child and early teen. I know I didn't wake up one morning and "pick a side". I want to believe that I was born gay, and not taught or influenced to be gay because of being molested. The persons who molested me were men. This has caused major sexual anxiety issues to the point I'm not intimate with anyone, but it's not because I don't want to. The anxiety stops me. Has anyone else questioned their sexual orientation due to their molestation? If my molestations not happened, would I be gay? This is my question....
 
Hi PPG,

You are not alone. If you look around there are many many threads with as many views as there are posts. For an educated informed and expert view you might want to google therapist Joe Kort and read his blog post on his website which I found spot on and the view shared by my multiple therapists through the years.
 
I don't consider myself gay but the sexual abuse created profound sexual orientation and gender confusion that I grappled with for most of my life. Mani is right, there is much discussion on the topic, especially in this forum. Ramble about and you'll read about other men here and how they've been working with the question. The Joe Kort material he mentions is worth reading. There is no right answer to this question. The only answer that ultimately matters is the one we come to that leaves us at peace in ourselves... gay, straight, trans, bi, non-binary... all options are now open to us. Of course, much of that depends on getting the perpetrators out of our lives and our heads. The sexual trauma can continue to wreak havoc in our lives until we're able to put it in the past where it belongs. Good luck with your journey.
 

PghPaGuy

Registrant
Hi PPG,

You are not alone. If you look around there are many many threads with as many views as there are posts. For an educated informed and expert view you might want to google therapist Joe Kort and read his blog post on his website which I found spot on and the view shared by my multiple therapists through the years.
Thank you for the reply and info! I will check him out.
 

RJrj

Registrant
I ask myself this everyday. Sometimes I wonder if a 5 year old gay boy was molested, or hetero boy was molested. Looking back, I only had crushes on girls as a boy, but I had this intense sexual desire for boys because I was very sexually active with boys from age 5-10. When you receive orgasms (from boys) it gets imprinted in your psyche. It's a learned reward system that can't be undone, for me.

When I had sex with a female for the first time at 17, I felt unsatisfied. I was used to penises and scrotums and that was missing. I thought that the more sex I had with females that my desire for a man's body would fade away. That didn't happen. It made me long for a man's body even more. I didn't long for a man's heart, though. Just his body. When I try to imagine myself in a romance with a man, I cringe. When I imagine myself having sex with a man, I get turned on. Sometimes, I wonder if this hang-up is just internalized homophobia.
 
I has always questioned my sexual identity. Am I straight am I gay? What I know for sure.
1. I feel more comfortable in my own skin knowing some Others in our situation also have this nagging question.
2. My predator stole from me the ability to learn who I am on my own and confused the fuck out of me.

Those are things I can not change and have to come to terms with. At 60 years old I have to figure out a way to do this so it doesn’t keep on coming back and punching me in the face.
 

Tom E.

Registrant
I struggle with same thoughts too! All males abused & used me. Was I mainly same sex oriented anyway, or because of it? I wonder a lot.
 

PghPaGuy

Registrant
Thank you all for responding. I'm starting to learn if my orientation is tied to my molestations. I was first molested at 5-10yrs, off and on; I witnessed my 5 yr old female cousin get molested by the person molesting me at 8; starting at 13, my stepfather started molesting me, and at 22 I was molested in the Navy. I have been attracted to guys since my mid-late teens. I had sex once with a prostitute at 19, needless to say it was awful, and ever since have dated guys and enjoy their company today. I am attracted to women and dont know where or if that fits in. I have high sexual anxiety when Im intimate and it's embarrassing. So, needless to say I dont have sex but think about it alot. Thanks for listening. D
 
Really appreciate the honesty here. These are difficult issues to wrestle with and being sexual can definitely be a minefield. I still haven't found my way to safety...
 

Chad R.

Registrant
I ask myself this everyday. Sometimes I wonder if a 5 year old gay boy was molested, or hetero boy was molested. Looking back, I only had crushes on girls as a boy, but I had this intense sexual desire for boys because I was very sexually active with boys from age 5-10. When you receive orgasms (from boys) it gets imprinted in your psyche. It's a learned reward system that can't be undone, for me.

When I had sex with a female for the first time at 17, I felt unsatisfied. I was used to penises and scrotums and that was missing. I thought that the more sex I had with females that my desire for a man's body would fade away. That didn't happen. It made me long for a man's body even more. I didn't long for a man's heart, though. Just his body. When I try to imagine myself in a romance with a man, I cringe. When I imagine myself having sex with a man, I get turned on. Sometimes, I wonder if this hang-up is just internalized homophobia.
This is my life... I struggle the same way... married and love my wife, I have a true emotional connection..... yet I want to see men naked, want them to pleasure me... especially younger good looking guys. This is textbook same sex abuse and me acting out—-now how can we change it! I wish there was a pill or class that we could take, LOL
 

PghPaGuy

Registrant
This is my life... I struggle the same way... married and love my wife, I have a true emotional connection..... yet I want to see men naked, want them to pleasure me... especially younger good looking guys. This is textbook same sex abuse and me acting out—-now how can we change it! I wish there was a pill or class that we could take, LOL
A pill would be nice
 
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