Nervous about Therapy
ForeverFighting
Registrant
I haven't gone to therapy in about 8 months. I was messed up last week, so I made an appointment. He's a great T, but I am absolutely a nervous wreck. Which usually means I need it. I was writing here last week, open, feeling. The more I do that, the less I act out. This week, I'm fine: closed up, afraid to write here, afraid to talk to T. Yeah, that's difinitely "fine". It's just, that like everyone here, I don't want to talk about it anymore. I don't want to think about it.
The ladies in my office were hovering over the web site where it lists the state's registered sex offenders. My wife's dad is on there. I saw his name go by, and I couldn't say anything. It was everything I could do to keep from falling apart. Yeah, that's what I call "fine". None of my relatives are on there, though they should be.
My mother hasn't called in a couple of weeks. That means she'll be calling soon. Every time the phone rings my stomach turns upside down. I dread her calls. She's been so terrible lately. I told her I gave some kids a GameCube. She said that as long as they were the type of people who take care of things and not break them, it was probably OK to give that to them. grrrrrr. Even the good things have to be disected. But I'm sure my phone anxiety and dread are all just part of being "fine".
I've been acting out so long, I just want it to stop. And if it takes writing, being honest and open in places like this, and tearing my heart out and trying to reinsert it at therapy, I guess that's what I have to do. Even if I have to do it the rest of my life.
ForeverFighting
"Only a sane person knows he's crazy."
The ladies in my office were hovering over the web site where it lists the state's registered sex offenders. My wife's dad is on there. I saw his name go by, and I couldn't say anything. It was everything I could do to keep from falling apart. Yeah, that's what I call "fine". None of my relatives are on there, though they should be.
My mother hasn't called in a couple of weeks. That means she'll be calling soon. Every time the phone rings my stomach turns upside down. I dread her calls. She's been so terrible lately. I told her I gave some kids a GameCube. She said that as long as they were the type of people who take care of things and not break them, it was probably OK to give that to them. grrrrrr. Even the good things have to be disected. But I'm sure my phone anxiety and dread are all just part of being "fine".
I've been acting out so long, I just want it to stop. And if it takes writing, being honest and open in places like this, and tearing my heart out and trying to reinsert it at therapy, I guess that's what I have to do. Even if I have to do it the rest of my life.
ForeverFighting
"Only a sane person knows he's crazy."