Needs

[MikeNY]

Sorry to intrude by creating a topic, but I wanted to share this with you.


I'm taking a business class right now, and reviewing for an exam. I have something that I want you to look at. I really think it might relate pretty good with what some of you have found out first hand. I've heard of this before. This cought my eye the first time I saw it again. It is Maslow's heirarchy of needs.


1) Physiological Needs: The basic survival needs, such as the need for food, water, and shelter.

2) Safety Needs: The need to feel secure at work and at home.

3) Social Needs: The need to feel loved, accepted, and part of the group.

4) Esteem Needs: The need for recognition and acknowledgement from others, as well as self-respect and a sense of status or importance.

5) Self-Actualization Needs: The need to develop to one's fullest potential.


This heirarchy of needs is based on the idea that motivation comes from need. If a need is met, it is no longer a motivator so a higher level need becomes the motivator and higher level needs require the support of the lower level needs.

I found this interesting and considered it related information. I thought that the family and friends might have seen this in action and could find it interesting.

 

[Pollyanna]

Hey Mike....

You? Intrude? Never! I am thrilled to see you here as well as the other guys. It's about you, and the only way for "us" to arrive at any kind of understanding, or be any kind of support, is to understand from your point of view. Please...post...tell us how to be a strength.

I had seen these "needs" before...a loooong time ago. Thank you for the reminder. I think sometimes we get so absorbed in the "complicated" aspect of things, that we forget the basic human needs, which create the foundation for everything else. It's the foundation that holds everything else up.

Interesting...it's Easter, and here is the message of all messages. It's broken down a little as the "list of needs", but to me it still says simply "Love one another".

Thanks!

Hugs,

Lynn

 

[SAR]

Mike,

Actually just today (at a STUPID family function I didn't want to attend) I was thinking how interesting it is that the most "insecure" people I know in terms of #s 3-5 are those who are most secure when it comes to food, water, shelter, work, a safe home. Don't know if that's exactly what you were going for here but it came to mind when reading your post. I mean, here is this woman giving me grief over cheesecake (which is an inappropriate time for grief) because my chosen field does not have "enough" earning power and I might need another job. Meanwhile, she has a house that's too big for her, a stable bank balance, a "group" she can belong to, but she is SO needy when it comes to getting attention from others that she couldn't deal with my helping my preschooler with something in the middle of my conversation with her. And, while my neighborhood isn't as "safe" as hers, I somehow have the ability to open my windows all the way and not be overwhelmed with fear that someone will break into my house, and she does not...

Anyway, at the time, I was thinking (sort of in terms of these needs I guess?) that it's interesting what different people consider "enough"... I think some of this is a matter of conditioning--what I consider "enough" in terms of food, shelter, job security, would not be "enough" for her, causing her to devote her energy to finding a new job, home, etc... although both of our "enough"s are well above what really would be "enough" to keep us alive. Maybe this variance exists in the higher categories of need as well? Maybe what I think of as "enough" recognition from others would still feel like being ignored to another? And maybe we all experience the basic level of "enough" as not really enough?

I think you were actually kind of going for something else in terms of how this idea of need relates to life as/with a survivor. I do have some thoughts about it and will post them when I have a little more time. This looks like the beginning of a good topic. Thanks for posting it.

(hey Lynn nice to see you around too.)

Sar

 

[Ken Singer LCSW]

Since you were discussing needs, I thought that a list of needs that I use with my clients may be of some interest to explain to some extent why folks do what they do.

The list is useful to examine those behaviors we all do but it also helps understand why people do what they shouldn't do, whether overeating, sexually acting out or whatever.

Take a look and see if it is helpful for you.

Ken

NEEDS
Ken Singer rev. 10/97

We can look at needs as physical and emotional. The physical needs we have are food, shelter (including clothing), air, water, sleep, and elimination (going to the bathroom). If we don't have our physical needs met, we will die in minutes (air), days (elimination, water, sleep), or weeks (food and shelter if it is cold enough to kill a person who is unprotected).
All behaviors are coming from needs we have. When you eat, you may be motivated by a physical need for food, or it might be just because it is time to eat and you have to be at the table even if you are not hungry. It might be also that you are eating for reasons other than physical, such as a need to be with other people (companionship) or because you are bored and eating is just something to do.
When we look at the emotional needs we all have, we can see that many of our behaviors have emotional needs underneath them. For example, if you decide to play cards when you are feeling BORED, you are doing a behavior to get a need filled for excitement or companionship.
These emotional needs are not a matter of life or death, like the physical needs are. While you will not die if your emotional needs are not met, you will probably be less happy if your emotional needs don't get met. If you try to get them met in negative behaviors, you will likely hurt others or yourself.
Here is a list of emotional needs we all have at times:

SAFETY/TRUST_ The need to feel safe or to trust someone. This is a basic human need. If you are in danger or are in a situation where you feel scared, you need safety or to get away from whatever is threatening your safety.

BELONGING/ACCEPTANCE_ Wanting to be part of a group or family, being around people who accept you for who you are (or who you want them to think you are).

COMPANIONSHIP_ Having friends or just being with other people.

ACCOMPLISHMENT_ Feeling good about something you have done or accomplished. Getting credit or acknowlegement from others.

LOVE_ Knowing you are loved or loving other people.

ATTENTION_ Getting attention, either positive or negative.

TOUCH_ Physical contact with another person, usually for positive touch.

RESPECT_ Wanting others to respect who you are as a person, or what you do. You cannot force someone to respect you, you have to earn it.

HOPE_ Believing that there is hope, that things will be better in the future.

CONFIDENCE_ Believing in yourself.
NURTURANCE_ Having someone take care of you, or taking care of someone. Babies and children need to be nurtured. If they don't get nurtured, they will do things to get it when they are older. Childish or immature behaviors are sometimes a way a person tries to get nurtured by others.

VALIDATION_ Being acknowledged or given credit for something you have done. This is stronger than just being accepted.

EXCITEMENT/FUN_ The opposite of being bored. The need to do something exciting or fun.

SUPPORT_ Having others agree with your opinion or action. It can also be knowing that other people will be there for you even if you have done something wrong.

INTIMACY_ The need to share personal feelings with another person. Sometimes people think of intimacy as sexual. In a sexual relationship where two people are caring, honest and open with each other, there is intimacy. It does not have to be sexual, however. When you can be open and honest with another person and he or she is the same with you, you are having an intimate relationship. Trust is a big part of intimacy.

CARING_ Having someone care about you. It does not need to be a person who you love or loves you.

SPIRITUALITY_ A belief in something stronger or more powerful than you. It might be a belief in God, a Higher Power, or Nature.

GUIDANCE/DIRECTION_ Having someone to show you the way, help you figure out what is going on, or what you should do. Especially useful when you are confused or just don't know what to do.

CONTRIBUTION_ Wanting to give something to others, helping out because it makes you feel good. Giving instead of taking.

CONTROL_ A need to have things go your way. Not necessarily bad. Everybody wants to know what is going to be happening, even if you are not in a position to control it. For example, knowing that there will be hot water coming out of the hot water faucet instead of cold or no water. Being in control of yourself or your surroundings.

POWER_ A need to control other people through strength, force, manipulation or knowledge. Power and control are sometimes thought to be the same. While control can be either positively or negatively used, power is almost always negative because it has negative consequences for the person it is being used on.

 

[MikeNY]

lol. I try to keep it simple, show some of the basic structure, and get an important topic started for discussion, and Ken comes in and shows off. I do have minor knowledge of psychology, psychiatry, and sociology, plus major knowledge of philosophy ( which, by the way, is the root of all sciences, and at the risk of being ridiculed, all religeons ), but Ken is definitely the expert here in this field.
Thanks for the additional info Ken.

 

yes, glad to see male survivors posting on here, I get great understanding from your opinions, and would like to see more of survivors and family communication on the webiste, (althought the 2 seperate are needed for peoples individual needs), a third category of where both can talk would be good too (or is that was this section is??? I am new to here, all I can say, is that with every email I read, I cry less, understand more, and dont feel so alone. I dont take things out "on me" so bad, little affection doesnt mean I am not attractive (that very hard on me and I didnt understand at first), and that was something I learned off here, and that alone has saved me aswell (me a recovering anorexic, boyfriend a survivor, so we got a road ahead of us). thanks all for your help. you are my godsend!!!

 

[Lloydy]

Mike
Maslow's a clever guy, and I like the Hierarchy Of Needs - it makes a lot of sense and is simple to understand.

And as you say, once a need is fullfilled we move on to the next.
And this applies to anyone, not just us well fed and prosperous people, but those living in third world poverty as well. The needs are determined in such a way by Maslow that any society and it's individuals can fit into the hierarchy somewhere. And to move up to the next point requires some kind of cognitive effort.
Being aware of that, or at least having a therapist etc who is aware of it, helps the individual to focus on where they are, are they stuck there and if so - why ?

Here's a link to the commonly used questionaire based on Maslow's theory, it's worth doing - and being totally honest with

https://www.uwec.edu/counsel/pubs/chars.htm

I have another great article about the complete theory that I can email you if you wish ( let me know by PM )

Dave ( striving for 'spirituality' )

 

[MikeNY]

Here's a link to the commonly used questionaire based on Maslow's theory, it's worth doing - and being totally honest with

YAY, according to the test, I am self-actualized (144). That's close to the max. I only need improvement in a couple of places (and straighten this SA stuff out before it knocks me off of the pyramid completely). See, all of those years of reading philosophy were worth something. lol

 

[SAR]

If we're being totally honest, it was too much of a pain for me to keep all of the numbers straight so I skipped the "linear" assessment and went right for the "intuitive" one and my intuition tells me that if I'm not all of those things, I'd like to be them. I guess I will get myself a number when I'm not out of cognitive effort.

But anyway back to needs in action. The thing about this pyramid, at least the way I've seen it in action, is that those esteem and self-actualizing levels just fall right off the top when one of the lower levels loses some bricks. Especially these days, there's been a lot of collapsing and rebuilding...

The sticky category around here is the "social needs"... I guess right now he's just not sure what group he needs to love and accept him... his terrible parents have definitely sensed him getting stronger and happier and like always, any behavior they don't like is met by threats of withdrawal of love and acceptance. And when that's happening, forget about self-respect.

All right. When I have to use smilies instead of descriptive words I know I'm tired.

SAR

 

[MikeNY]

SAR, that is exactly the type of response that I was expecting when I posted this. That is why I thought that this would be useful.