Needs not met as a child?

[Tryingtolive]

I think over all the events that took place when I was child left me with a lot of emotional turmoil.

Back then I felt loved.
I was getting pleasure.
Felt that it was normal.
But That was only through sex.

I mixed pleasure with love.
It was normal to have sex.
Very confused emotions between sex and love.

I've always felt very different or not wanted by my own father.
Although he took care of me.
Those emotions I felt back then always occur back into my life some how.

Wanting love from my own father which could only happen if there was some pleasure involved which would be acted out through fantasy



Disconnected emotionally from males and the only way I know how to do that is act out through sexual acts.
Which at the end makes me feel sick and terrible.

Is this acting out my abuse? Or just an attraction

 

[woodenshoes]

Ttl

I would have to say it is trying to re-create what happen. Thats only my opinion and i am not a doctor. I hope you can someday connect with others without the need. You deserve to have friend without limits.

Take care

 

[KL]

Tryingtolive,

This is exactly what I go through. You're not alone. I can relate big time.

For me, it's both acting out and just who I am now. I'm gay, so I don't struggle with the attraction aspect. I've always wondered especially in my late teens if being gay was some how a direct result of my abuse. To this day I'm not entirely sure, but I'm comfortable with who I am now.

I'm sorry I don't have any more insights to give, but I understand your conflict. Hang in there.

 

[C. E.]

My needs were met more than my abuser's needs. I'm quite certain that if his were met, the rest of us would have been spared. I was twelve. He was fifteen. But he was seriously messed up and no-one addressed that, even when it became obvious.