Needing Guidance

Needing Guidance
S

Splitting

Registrant
Life has been tough lately. Moods have been bouncing all over the place, almost at the same time. Pshy. Doc has put me on Lithium and has seemed to help.

A need guidance on the following.

I am in the process of a divorce. It is be final soon. Have met someone else who is vry supportive of my recovery, but is asking "How Long". I have told her that i do not want to re-marry or even think of kids until I am stable. She has a right to ask "How Long", but I do not know how to respond.

then I gt really pissed of when all I want to do is try to enjoy some aspect of my life and I am incapable of doing so.

This posting is about as fragmented as my moods. Thaks for letting me post this non-sense.

Danny
 
What your posting is far from non-sense. It is good that you share something like this, and it takes guts.

Sorry,I know that is not advice or anything, but I just wanted to tell you that.

S.
 
This might not be what you want to hear, but maybe what you need to do is take time for yourself before even thinking about getting involved in another relationship. Rushing from one relationship to another can sometimes prolong the recovery time for a person to come to the understnd of what they are dealing with.

Thoughts are with you.
 
Danny,

The answer to the "how long" question is one that we all want. But it's just so difficult to say.

You are right to postpone deep emotional involvement with another person until you are a bit better off emotionally. I think that would be true of any man going through a divorce.

What she needs to know isn't so much exactly when you will "recover"; I doubt she is really looking for a time line. What she needs to know, however, is this. Are you willing to make an honest effort to hold up your side of a relationship? CAN you do that? Can she put her health and future in your hands, as you will place yours in her hands? Can there be trust between you? REAL trust. The kind that builds and nurtures love.

I wish you all the best my friend. Only you have the answers to these feelings. They are the yearnings for caring and devotion that inspire us all.

Much love,
Larry
 
Thanks guys. What I love about this group is that we are in support of each other. Your advise may not be waht I want to hear, but it is offered from a place of selfless love and support. There are no personal agendas, just friendship.

Thanks for the pep talk.

Danny
 
i dont think life is ever stable. i think it is a matter of ups and downs, and as we plug in one part, another short fall shows itself, and i dont think it is that way only for survivors, but for everyone. anyone even remotely focused on becoming a happier, better person is constantly digging and asking themselves, what can i do better?

i would simply answer her with this. i would explain that there is never anything set in stone in this life, and the journey of life doesnt follow any given time line. the only thing you can promise is that you are working towards being a happier person, and it takes however long it takes.

i feel i have made remarkable progress in five years. i feel i have come a long way, compared to some that arent where i am and have been working longer. yet, as my previous post shows, it isnt a cake walk by any means. the difference is when i get sideways now, i can usually iron it out and set myself right without the therapist helping.
 
Foster,

Thanks for the kind words of hope. I think I am placing as much of the expectations on my recovery as she is. I strive for success in everything. Everytime I get close, I redefine success so that it can never be obtained.

My T gave me a very similar pep talk last night. She reminded me how far I have come and as very honest as to how much farther I have to go (another perp was realized yesterday. She said that if I am alwys focusing on achieveing some goal instead of emjoying where I am right now, I will fail at both. She said that Cindy may leave, and that is her choice. It is her side of the street and not for me to control or manipulte.

As a followup, last evening I did speak with Cindy and told her that I am going to do the best that I can and each day give hr 100% of the love and committment I have for that day. But, I cannot answer the when question. I cannot answer the question of who I will be when I get further down the recoevry road, and that she has to make the decision as to how much she wants to invest in the relationship. She seemed to accept those terms.

Now for the really hard part. All of this "line in the sand" talking has made be detach from her. I am almost numb. It never seems to end.

Thanks again for the guidance!

Danny
 
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