Needing Advice (Possible Triggers)

Needing Advice (Possible Triggers)
P

Pete2004

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Well Guys:

My copy of Victims No Longer arrived in the mail and I proceeded to read the intro (really good) and most of the first chapter. The descriptions of the emotional abuse at home, the long silent dinners, the outbursts from my father, the limited physical abuse, the feelings of never measuring up, all came rushing back.. I thought I had dealt with them years ago!. Now, all I feel is anger I am trying to keep a lid on it (For my wifes and kids sake) What do I do with this anger? How do I get rid of it? How do I express it when my Dad is no longer alive? I dont want to create a whipping boy (which I think my father did). I want to end this cycle of family abuse with me! I have done a good job (at great personal cost) by keeping a lid on it. I am afraid that during this odyssey, if I proceed further, I will blow a gasket and do uncalled for and non-reversible damage to my family and co-workers. The anger really surprises and scares me.

Needing help and advice in NC

Pete
 
Hey, Pete,

Glad to meet you. Wished it could have been under different circumstances. We have discussions about handling anger every once in awhile. I'm not an expert on any of this, but running was an outlet for me for about 10 years. Now it's walking and I've been thinking about getting one of those "heavy bags" that they use in boxing and karate to use for punching and working off some steam.
One of the guys here used an axe handle to beat up trees...or was it a baseball bat?
Do anything you can to avoid taking out your rage on the family. I'm saying for you to do as I say and not as I did. I must have frightened them alot at times.
Take care,
David
 
Hey Charlie, I had a very similar situation happy with me and it occured while reading Mike Lew's book. Anger, for the first time I touched into it. Anger, that I wasn't alone. Anger, that I had been alone during that time. The best advice I can give you is express that anger in a constructive way, but don't try to hid or shy away from it. Anger is one of many emotions that we've cut ourselves off from. To feel dead was our way of surviving.

In some of my posts here I've expressed that anger. Things that I would want to do, but I don't do them. I don't do them because I allow myself to get it out. Don't worry, ppl here will applaud you for sharing that anger. Everyone here has at one time or another done so. One of the hardest things to do is take on the negative energy, if you can call it that, and turn it into a postive outflow. What do ppl say, violence breeds violence. Well, expressing that anger or frustration is a way to stop that cycle. You can end it, you've already seen the light my friend.

Just do us all a favor and tell us in the headline that your post may trigger something in one of us. That's all that we ask.

Take it easy,
Fusion
 
Hi Charlie.

I know all about anger have a look at my entry on my blog entitled a Bullying Diversion it can be found here at: (TRIGGERS)
https://waltonhop.blogspot.com/2004/08/bullying-diversion.html

I dont do advice only shared experiences!

Hope it helps

Archnut

I write as Dan on my blog.

BTW pleased to meet you, but Im sorry that you had to sought us out
 
"Victims No Longer" is something I need to buy - again. I bought it years ago but then either tossed it or hid it too well.

Kenn
 
Hi Pete

The feeling I get from reading your post is almost like the greater fear is the fear of letting go of the feeling rather than the feeling itself.

I was scared of the intensity of my anger early recovery, because like you I had kept it under control, and expressing it would be like loosing control. I feared I would go mad, hurt someone etc.

I have released "physical" anger by attending anger workshops where we would beat mattresses, run round the room screaming, swearing and all sorts of whacky things.

I have released "mental" anger by writing down how I would torture or kill the people who abused me. Again I was scared at first, but soon realized there was nothing to fear and it was quite satisfying. I guess crime fiction writers do the same thing I did except they get paid for it!

I have released "emotional" anger during one to one and group therapy and recovery meetings. It was really important for me to have my anger validated and heard by others in a safe environment.

Take care
Heart
 
Thanks guys. The anger comes and goes. I'm encouraged because one of the anger triggers is lack of control over circumstances that hurt my kids... I would gladly and chearfully disembowel ANYONE who hurt my kids, especially when I have no control over the situation. This realization was a great victory. I know there are a lot of ports of call on this odyssey, and Im back to the book (VNL) on Tuesday.

Sorry about the lack of trigger warning Im new at this.

Pete
 
You may be new Charlie but you are here and that is what is important. Glad to have you with us.
 
Charlie

It is scary to hold so much anger, after such a long time. It feels it is not ours, that we don't deserve to have it. That is, of course, crap. If we do not deserve to have it, who does? But it is understandable that it is something that we are not used to.

I think one of the best and safest ways to work out anger is to---well, work out! Physical exercise and activity can be great for using up that extra energy. And something like hitting a punching bag or some such thing can be even expressing the violence that such anger can cause us to feel as well. It will be something better for you, your body and health, as well as a way to work some of it out.

leosha
 
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