Need To Find Inner Strength.......(trigger)

Need To Find Inner Strength.......(trigger)
R

Redsongbird

Registrant
Feeling extremely overwhealmed. I habe to do something but I feel like I have nothing in me to handle situation. I have written on here before. I have been stalked for the past three years now. The events has been on and off with maybe three months being the longest duration of free time. Till Tuesday when I went to my schools spring concert.....(I teach 6th grade) I decided to leave the concert about 10 mins before it was over ...I didn't feel like being social anymore....I did that all before the concert started. Going to my car I noticed nothing at all out of the place. When I had my eyes on my keys and thinking of getting into the car...two men came up to me....again with a gun. One got in the car with me...the other drove behinds us. Apparently my father was involved with this "group" and they feel it is my time to join them. Anyway I was told in no uncertain terms that I will join or have to be "dominated" three times then I would be left alone. Being dominated mean being raped again....they said I have been done twice now and only the third time needs to be completed.....I know of the time four years ago...I don't remember the first one....there since tuesday have been things (memories) going around in my head but nothing complete.....anyway....I have called the police several times about this situation... NOTHING can be done about it....there seems to be no one who can handle hearing this either....my wife and I are opressed with this...she is very supportive. But I am just overwhealmed with all this. My next step is probably to get a gun and learn how to shoot. I'm 44 and I feel afraid....I've thought about getting and learning how to use a gun....and probably finding some class on how to fight.....I hate that this keeps coming back to me. I want my life to go on with out this shit! I want a normal fucking life!!!! Sorry, I understand if no one replys to this post.....I just needed someplace to put it out in writing.....I have 13 and half more days of school I have to make it through that so then I can concentrate on getting prepared for whatever.....I guess I just thought this would disapear.....but no it doesn't.....now I am remembering being attaccked all over again....and other SA when a kid....

Tobey
 
Tobey,

I hope you don't feel one bit ashamed of how you're feeling. I think I'd be really freaked out if I were in your shoes as well. It is my fervent prayer that you never have to be hurt again, and that this "group" is broken up.

But I'm glad that you found time to vent.

Be well.
 
Wow. I can't imagine what you're going through. My therapist has suggested I go to some self-defense classes so I can feel like I can defend myself, but I don't have anybody really after me. And what are you supposed to do with multiple attackers. And the police can't do anything for you? And what about your dad? Is he around? Can you talk to him? Or is that not even a possibility?

I say it again. Wow. I am so sorry. We're here to listen and support you.
 
Thank-you Ranger and ForeverFighting for your post. It felt good to look here and see that someone had thought enough to reply. I have been feeling ashamed about what happened this week. I am just glad that the weekend is here and maybe now I can relax some. I really need to focus on the end of school activites but that is difficult when I am wondering if every time I turn a corner if someone will be there. My father passed away several years ago I found out about his involvement with this group within the last four years. Some of my SA as a child was with this group also but I did not realize that until I was attacked four years ago and it became connected. I am not a fighter. But I am going to have to become one. I just feel like going and hiding and just fading into the sunset! (I guess I have watched too many movies or something!) Anyway thats how I am feeling tonite. But I can't express in words how much this has helped tonite to see Ranger and ForeverFighting that you responded.....a sincere Thank-you once again.

Tobey
 
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