Need strategies for shutting down

[Dan88]

Sorry I haven't been here for a long while. But I needed to check in and see if I could get a little advice. I'm an adult survivor of childhood sexual abuse (you probably figured that.)

Don't know if any of you guys can relate, but lately I'm just failing to do what I should. Everything is falling by the wayside. Deadlines, commitments, etc. I mean seriously behind. I can't bring myself to do anything and I'm starting to get worried that this is going to fall in on me. I took a week's vacation and hoped this would refresh me, but instead it's even worse now.

Re-reading this, I see I sound pretty calm. But I am really worried about it, so any advice is appreciated. If anyone here has coped with this, how do you guys get yourselves going again?

 

[Leonatomi]

I can empathise with you on this. Im not sure whether there is any easy solution to your predicament. As quickly as these feelings and problems arise, the emotional disarray they cause, they can also go away just as fast, until next time. It sounds like you might be hindered by some form of depression, I dont know. When I went through, what seems to be a similar problem, just getting through one day was an achievement.

I was missing work related targets, working till late in the evenings to try and make small chunks of progress (just enough to show I am making an effort). I missed deadlines, was unable to attend meetings because I didnt have the mental capacity to cope with the winging and problems. Because I worked late I was too tired the next day, and down and down I went. My family life started to suffer because I was emotionally and mentally absent most of the time. I could see my job and my life falling apart before me, and the worst part was, I couldnt find the energy or desire to try and get it back on the rails. This scared me most of all. I also took a weeks vacation out of desperation in the hope that a break would do me good. Sadly, like you, it made me worse. I think for me, that was because I had too much time to think of things in the past and where my future was heading. I felt like I was loosing on both fronts.

In the end the company was making redundancies and I was one of them, so that decision was taken out of my hands. Strangely for me, it was a relief at the time. I thought I would panic and go down hill. I was lucky I had insurance that paid for my monthly house costs and my wife worked. In the end when that luxury was due to run out, I started up a very small business on my own which I am still doing. I can only deal on average with two to three days a week work, then it all starts to become too much, so I always try and plan my week to give me two free days. It doesnt earn me much money for obvious reasons, but Im still surviving the only way I can (day by day).

I sincerely hope your dilemma is short lived and you are able to get back on track its very scary I know.

It might be worth you talking to your medical practitioner to see if there are any short term non addictive medications you can take to help through it. You might even be able to buy some time by them signing you off sick for another week or two.

Sorry I cant help anymore than that and I wish you luck.

 

[Lloydy]

this is something that I think many of us suffer from, I know I do.
I'll choose the easy option anytime, but with some effort I'm getting better.

It's taken a while, I first disclosed and started therapy in 1999, and at that time the TV and a beer was pretty much the limit of my activity.
Since then I've found that doing other things ( other as in completly unrelated to my abuse ) has become a saviour in many ways.
Other things distract me, some of the things I'm now heavily involved with such as a 4x4 club make me focus hard on something different. And it's led to making many new friends, most of whom know nothing about my abuse and it's problems; so they treat me as a 'normal', which is something I've learned to relish.

It is hard to raise ourselves from the slump, and I fall back into it sometimes for sure. But it's worth the effort, trust me.

Dave

 

[Ken Singer LCSW]

Dan:
Leonatomi may be on target here.

It sounds like you might be hindered by some form of depression, I dont know.

While procrastination and self-defeating behaviors are quite common for survivors, depression is a major player for most at some time or another. Best advice here is to a) be in therapy with someone who is competent on male victimization issues (or victimization in general, if you can't find someone with male experience), and b) see a psychiatrist who can do a meds eval.

As many here will testify, the right anti-depressant can be a true life saver.

Ken

 

[Aden]

I got to where I couldnt handle the stress of the job. With some serious effort I was lucky enough to find a job with zero stress, few responsibilities, minimal supervision and lots of peace and quiet. Its a little boring, but it pays the bills and has great benefits. The answer for me was just to reduce the stress level. Now I have time to think about my own needs and do things that I enjoy, as long as their not too expensive.

Therapy and anti-depressants are probably a very good idea. But you might consider reorganizing your priorities. There may be some positive lifestyle changes that would make it easier for you to cope.

Aden

 

[Dan88]

Thanks guys for the advice. I have talked about this issue with my therapist in the past. And did get a medical evaluation. But I stayed off the anti-depressants. I just didn't want to get started with drugs if I can help it.

I spoke with a therapist on the phone yesterday and he gave me some good thoughts. Reminded me I've been through this before and laid out options. As he pointed out, there's a lot of stress in my life right now and that's contributing. He also pointed out I've kind of stopped work on some issues lately, which is probably contributing too. Thanks again.

 

[A]

Dan - i get accused of trying to say things with too many words, so to be brief - sure reminds me of depression. I've suffered from clinical depression for years. disease of perception.

i wrestled with taking meds for some time until it got bad enough. then i'd take anything they offered. took a while to hit the right combination but boy did it make a difference over time.

thing is, a sick mind can't cure a sick mind. i was never able to successfully think my way out of my depression. there were imbalances that i needed help with and the meds got that all back in order so that i could get to a stable place to start doing the therapeutic work.

i have successfully gone off of one med earlier this year and will be taken off the last one next month. pretty amazing.